AIBU - how much does your au pair eat

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I don't know if IABU but our au pair eats a lot. To the point that I have changed supermarkets to be able to keep costs down and it takes food away from the DCs.
For example, yesterday she had 3 southern fried chicken breast, half a packet of fresh spaghetti and 2 chocolate bars for supper.
She'll have scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast, pizza at lunch and then a large supper.
I have started to write a menu for what the DCs are having for supper so she doesn't eat it.
However, this doesn't make much of a difference.
Our previous au pairs never eat this much and I am finding it hard to keep up.

fact that this woman is spending all her evenings shut in her room alone, and takes her food in there to eat alone

It could be the sign of a problem but it can also be a sign that the aupair isn’t comfortable with the employer to eat with them or around them.

I have 6 people working in my house, sometimes they eat with me, sometimes they eat together, sometimes they eat in pairs etc or alone, sometimes they just want to eat in their room and talk to family on skype, they also probably want away from their workplace and prefer to be in their room.

None of them have an eating disorder.

Nobody called op a liar. But when I read it I didn't think a pizza was huge for lunch yet other pps seemed to. You assumed 3 full sized chicken breasts yourself toucan, but these things are honestly tiny.

Weenurse - chocolate as a reward ?! She is a young woman, not a fucking puppy!

Spaghetti isn't filling?

Next time me you're hungry, weigh 60g of spaghetti and eat it on its own. The typical one serving of spaghetti is 40g for a small portion up to around 75g for a big portion. See how full you get at 60g if plain spaghetti, see how full you stay.
Alone, spaghetti and pastas aren't great, people think they are and eat mountains of it, but it's the stuff you have with spaghetti and pasta, the meatballs, the Bolognese, the tomato sauces etc etc thats what makes them filling for longer.

Really OP? Instead of posting on here why not have this conversation with your Au Pair because I think you are being goady?

'My au pair eats a lot '....'no she doesn't, you are a liar' is a freaking weird response on a forum

But saying,
"She obviously has an eating disorder,. Check her room for wrappers, make her buy her own stuff, give her a budget.."
That's all perfectly normal?

Yeah.. no..

My teens are tall and skinny and could both manage to eat like that (although some days they eat less than others)

I'd worry that she's not eating any fruit & veg but then she is an adult so that's not your business.

Perhaps she is lonely and a bit homesick and comfort eating?

Christ, what a whale! She'll be eating the kids next. Log it with 101.

I'd suggest getting your ducks in a row, but hide the plum sauce first.

On average a Southern fried chicken fillet has less than 300calories.
A massive 100g portion of spaghetti has 160ish calories.
So 3 chicken portions and spaghetti would be around 1000-1100 calories for a main meal.
For an active young person that sounds about right.

Apart from the content of what she's eating, which we don't actually know without seeing the actual portions as pps have suggested; having been an au pair at a young age myself I can understand eating on her own. I never ate with the families - just because you work for them doesn't mean you have to like them and want to spend every evening with them.

She's 20, she possibly just wants to watch her own tv/talk to her friends back home/get away from the main house where she's spent most of her working day. And she probably isn't interested in spending time with older people who she doesn't really know. Just a thought, not saying that's definitely how she feels but it's certainly how I used to feel at that age (and I'm a naturally sociable person)

Ahh, only on MN would a WHOLE pizza for lunch be considered disgusting and wrong.

I can easily eat a whole pizza and chips for a meal.

What has she eaten on other days?
Tbh my 11 years olds could more or less eat that much in a day. They are slim. I on the other hand also slim would eat that much over two to three days.

if it pisses you off then give her a shelf in the fridge and add an additional food budget to her wage. Give her some independence.

I think her appetite is secondary here - if need be OP can stock up on pasta, sauce and meatballs from Lidl and be done with it. I’d be worried about an ED or at least comfort eating and see if you can open up a dialogue with her there. Likewise eating in her room - I’m married, mid thirties with a toddler and still prefer eating on my own!

Our most recent au pair ate like this, I had to adjust the volumes of food I bought to accommodate her needs/wants (and put several pizzas in my shopping trolley each week which felt very unnatural!) and considered the food cost as part of the cost of childcare.

I don't mean to be harsh, but if you feel you can't afford to feed your au pair, I'm afraid that means you can't afford an au pair... if you compare the food costs here to the alternative wrap around care options, it will still be the more efficient childcare option I am sure.

Op, it sounds like this young woman is not happy or very comfortable in your household and company. Turning down family sit down meals (although late) and movie nights, are contrary to the au pair experience. She sounds to be alienating herself. This is more worrying than the food part, which may be comfort related. Two chocolate bars is one evening is not just greedy and unhealthy, but surely not normal behaviour. She is not attempting and accepting your offers for her to be part of the family, but being very free with the communal food and snacks. Her actions are a bit at odds, as surely you would establish yourself so you can do things an established member of the family does, like being liberal with food. Is she leaving any snacks for anyone else, seeing as you say she takes more to her room?

Boundaries are needed here, but above all you certainly need to sit her down and ask her how she is feeling being in the setting she is in as this may not be about food.
Are you in an urban, suburban, or rural area?How big is your home?! Does she have a clear space for herself where she can make noise and not be heard, and bring friends to socialise?! Or is it just a room in your home where she uses the same entrance as you and all goings-on can be heard?! Does she have any friends?!
She may very well be unhappy and homesick, or lonely. Or a mixture of those. How long has she been with you OP? Does she attend English language classes?!

I was an au pair in Switzerland 8 years ago and lived with the family, so I know how it feels to be in this scenario. Luckily for me I was in a city with lots of other au pairs I met a few times a week, I had friends and things to do outside my shifts, and I always accepted offers of activity with the family which made all of us comfortable with one another and made it easy for me to call their home my home. I ate what they ate together with them, which was lucky for me as I was not the best cook, and they ate very healthy. I.e. Steaks and salads, roasted chicken and vegetables. There was lots of fruits and no 'snacks' in the house except an occasional pack of fresh macarons which the mum thought was a once a week sweet treat for the family and myself (I felt grateful, as to me they were posh and expensive and I could never afford to purchase them myself on the au pair allowance). Perhaps my open easygoing personality played a part in creating this home away from home feeling I managed to experience. Who knows?! Nevertheless, I rarely felt low and a need to retreat to my room, which was private in the loft with my own shower, and great soundproofing, which meant I felt when I needed my space I could easily have it without worrying about being in the family's way, but never felt like I needed to exclude myself from them. I was very lucky.

Please have a heart to heart just to see if the over eating, as you say she also eats with the kids, and has extra snacks, is perhaps a sign of unhappiness and homesickness. If so, discuss together what can be done to better the situation for all involved. Even if only sending her home for a short weekend if you can afford it, or buying her a gift to show your extra gratitude if you don't already do this. The little things can make a world of difference in these kinds of situations, and may lift her spirits.

If this proves to not be the issue, I agree with others that a weekly meal plan drawn up together, could really change things for the better, without ever bringing up your concerns over the food. I am not sure about the snacking. You may have to approach this one with a bit of tact.

Keep in mind that au pairing is meant to be a cultural experience where you are an actual part of the family and do things with the family. Whilst she shouldn't be forced into activities, she should still be part of them, and turning you down is contrary to the purpose of coming into your home to be an au pair. Wish I could be of more help. Good luck.

She's not bulimic is she?

She might have a very high metabolism - some people do. One of my dds always ate like a horse well into her 30s and stayed slim. People used to be astonished at how much she could put away while never remotely overweight - especially since I was the small-appetite opposite.

If the food is getting too expensive then I'd suggest cheaper but filling alternatives - e.g. plenty of pasta, baked potatoes, etc. I think it'd be mean to start trying to ration her food, though.

It's not that we cannot afford to feed her but I wanted to know if this was normal to eat. Another example - she has 6 sausages and half a packet of potatoes in one meal, 3 quarter pounders in another meal. She doesn't eat any veg or fruit other than potatoes or bananas.
She isn't doing a lot with the children, which is a different problem, she puts them infront of the tv. I asked her to watch them last week whilst they played outside on their bikes while I was on a conference call, she stayed inside on her phone without being able to see them.
I agree with the eating in her room and will speak to her about it.

Oh look, welcome to the Drip Feed.
It's a new club being opened by MN in Brighton. They'll be music and dancing but all drinks are only.served an eight at a time.

If you're unhappy with your aupairs work, that's fine, sort it out. It's fuck all to do with her diet.. unless this new revelation is because not everyone was horrified at the normal amount of food she eats...

Drip.. drip.. drip.. drip..

Well i couldnt eat it every day but meh i couldnt get arsey about it.

Also all these posters who treat their au pairs like their own children! Im surprised!

That’s an obscene amount of food, really greedy and a bloody cheek! Add to that she can’t do the job you’re paying her to do. Only one way to deal with it op.

@MonkeyToesOfDoom - This is nothing about her work as I said - that's a different problem and one I am addressing separately. All I wanted to know was is that a normal amount of food for a 20 year old.

Poor au pair😕 She clearly doesn't feel welcome in your home despite you going through the motions of saying all the right things.
I don't think what she's eating is excessive and, as she's supposed to be part of the family, why shouldn't she help herself to food? As a pp said, au pairs are paid a pittance and can't afford to buy their own food.
She's looking after your DC in the day so probably needs a bit of space and time to herself when you and your DH get home.
Cut her some slack or hire a nanny. See how much money that costs you!

You don’t think 6 sausages or 3 quarter pounders is excessive???