Nanny and playgroups

[Sp1983]

Can i get some thoughts about nannies and playgroups?
We have been looking for a nanny for 2 days a week for my 2 and 5 year old. My 5 year old is at school so mainly it's the 2 year old at home all day. My LO has lunch at 11.30am, then sleeps from 12 until about 2.30-2.45pm. This is the time they would have to leave from home to pick up the older one. This means that after school drop off there is only about 2.5hrs of one-to-one time that the nanny has with the 2yr old before lunch, nap and pick up. And this is only 2 days a week.
We've been interviewing for nannies and they all seem unhappy that we've said we're not that keen for playgroups. They've said it's good for his social interaction and that they need some adult conversation.
My issues with this are- he gets plenty of social interaction the other 3days and are the playgroups for the benefit of the child or the nanny?
The nanny only really has to fill 2.5hrs of time in the day with him and I'd like that in that time he gets her full attention as once the older one gets home he has to share attention again.
I understand that nannying is a long day, but surely that is just the job. They all knew that most of their time would be with kids not having adult conversation. I also work in a job where there is not much adult conversation but my employer would never be happy for me to meet up with my friends and chat while i am at work. I would be asked to find a job where i could have social interaction with adults or do it in my own time.
I also feel that i am paying a nanny to do creative and educational things for my child. Playgroups are a way of outsourcing this so that the nanny can take a break and let someone else do what they are many to be doing. I can understand if it's a group that can't be done at home eg forest school, but singing and dancing can be done at home.
And it's only two days a week. Would understand more if it was 5 days and the nanny needed some variety.
Can i have your thoughts please.
Thanks

You go and do your job and let the Nanny get on with hers, is my advice.

I think your child will benefit more from going out and about than indoors with a nanny. Can you compromise and say 1 day playgroup and one day something else (farm, park, library etc)

Isn't a nanny's job to look after a child in the way that the parents want? Surely that's why you are employing someone to look after your child only, so that you have control over what happens. Otherwise could just put your child in a nursery and just accept whatever the nursery does.
The point of a nanny is to have personalised care, exact how the parents would like it.

I'm more than happy for the nanny to take the baby out. He loves to be out and wouldn't want to sit inside the house anyway. I'd love for her to take him to the park, library is very close by, woodland walk etc. I just don't like the idea of playgroups

Honestly? Don't restrict your child's activities. They'll always be time for crafts/music/reading etc at home.

2 year olds usually love being out amd about, they learn so much and it doesn't mean your nanny will be doing nothing! She'll still be supervising and interacting with your child at playgroup.

I think you'll struggle to find a nanny who'll be willing to take the job and be restricted in the way you mention.

Thank you for your reply.
I should've said i have no issues with her taking him out. As i said above, I'd love for her to take him out walking, park farms. We have a forest just a few mins walk from our house. Being out is not a problem. It's just the playgroup i don't like.
And the reason is, before i had kids i saw many childminder/ nannies taking kids to soft play for example, sitting and having coffee with friends and completely ignoring their children

Here the playgroups are basically church toddlers groups that follow school calendars so off at all the same times as school holidays. I'm a childminder & my 2-3year olds love going to the playgroups for a couple of hours. They'd much rather be around a big group of people to play with than 1 grown up. Nanny should be keeping a good eye on dc & quick to respond though

I think if you find the right nanny you won't be worrying so much about the playgroup thing because you will trust that if they sometimes go to playgroup (bad weather / variety) you will know that they will be interacting with your child and helping them join in with whatever activities are on offer, not ignoring them and drinking coffee. You need to look at the big picture and get someone with good references.

are you at home with the toddler on the other 3 days taking him to groups?

I do sympathise, my childminder is wonderful and my 18mo loves going to toddler groups with her, but with naps and school run there isn't time left to do crafts or much in the way of reading etc.

I do wonder whether she'd learn more through play at nursery where it's more set up with learning objectives in mind.

if I had the luxury of a nanny I think I'd want more one on one attention like you.

I'm a nanny and I actually fully understand where you're coming from. Personally when the children were that age , we did do something everyday. Must days it was a group but a day or two would be the local farm or woods etc. Like you said, it's literally 2 days a week! One morning they could do arts and crafts, baking together and the other they could go and do some outdoors activities. Doesn't need to go a group.

I get where you are coming from OP. I also have a 5 year old (as well as a 3 year old and a baby). Between the school drop off, sorting lunch and then school pickup, it sometimes feels like all I do is ferry the two younger kids from A to B. If I squeeze in a playgroup or some other activity in the morning, I feel like I barely interact with them beyond the necessary communication.

Playgroups are great, but for a young child I feel that calm, unstructured time at home is also important. As is one to one attention.

I your situation I would probably say one day at home, one day at a group.

I think the main issue here is that you see playgroups as a break for the nanny, you need to change your mindset.

I'm a nanny who looks after similar aged children (5, 3 and 20 months). I do go to playgroups (amongst many other outings and activities) - nannying can be a pretty lonely job from a point of view of adult company and I think it's great for toddlers to learn about sharing toys and equipment. I certainly don't get to put my feet up, chasing after and supervising a toddler in a room full of toys and kids.

I keep things flexible though, if the weather is lovely we go to the park. Also, the three year old is getting a bit too old to go to playgroup, he doesn't really enjoy it so we do something else on the day he's not at nursery.

Although it's quite a tight schedule fitting in school runs and naps, I feel I do get to spend enough one to one time with the toddler - I have her in the pram facing me so we chat a lot whilst walking to and from school, play groups etc, I'll get her to 'help' in the kitchen whilst I'm making lunch, there's always time for books and music.
I think she would be bored if it was just me and her all the time and their mum actively encourages me to attend groups for the socialization aspect. She has said that she expects me to look after them the same way that she would if she was a sahm and she would go to playgroups etc.

I was a nanny for a long time, including four years during which I stayed home for three years with a newborn and then when he was a toddler, with him and his newborn brother. The parents didn't want me to go out with them until they were 3 and nearly 2. Didn't bother me in the least. They're the ones paying me and I parented as they wished.

YANBU, at the toddler groups I take my kids to you can spot the nannies as they clock off the second they walk into the place. I look at my phone top of course but I'm invested in my kid having fun and learning rather than just passing the morning. I think you're well within your rights to say it's only two mornings and you just want the nanny to play with your kid/playground etc. A nanny I know from the school gate walks her charge for miles and miles in the buggy because she's trying to lose weight. He's 4, must be bored stiff.

Thank you everyone.
Bomanaise - that's exactly what I'm worried about. Does the 4 year old's mum know this is what the nanny is doing? I'd want to know if this is what my nanny was doing.

Yanbu. I made the same request of our nanny in similar circs and she was happy to go along with this. She even commented on how at play groups she went to on other days with her other nanny family the childminders at our local group spent the whole time chatting to each other and ignoring their charges.

I am sure there are nannies and cm who do this, but can assure you that plenty don't!

I'm a cm and go to a regular playgroup. I do crafts, puzzles, building blocks, reading, games and singing with mine. So do the other cm 's.

I think it's a case of finding the right person. Just seems a shame to limit their activities. I've been cm a long time and all of my little ones have loved the group's.

The nannies at the playgroups I go to are usually the ones interacting the most with the children they have taken. I do agree that the nanny should do as you ask but most people do not go to playgroups for their own fun and enjoyment; they go there because small children enjoy them and it’s a good and safe way of getting out of the house and not being bored whilst stuck in.

OP I've never met the parents of this kid so doubt they know that's what the nanny does. He is 4 so I guess technically he could tell them. I suppose she could say they just walked home and a 4 year old has no concept of time.

Bomanaise thank you. This is exactly what I'm worried about. Does the mother know? I'd be furious if my nanny was doing this, and would want someone to tell me so i could sort it out.

Thanks everyone

I've even said that whilst the weather is nice, i would prefer that they spend time outside rather than inside in playgroups. My lo loves being outside. But no one is happy with that. They all want to go to playgroups

that they need some adult conversation.

I could understand if theu were full time but for 2 days per week this is a cheeky request. I'm assuming during nap time the nanny would get some down time - they can call a mate then.

Children learn best through play, no setting should have structured learning activities but should set out opportunities to extend learning through play and interests.
A good Toddler group should have a varied selection of activities including messy play. mark making, puzzles and toys, bikes, slides, opportunities for singing, carpet time etc. The adults should be encouraged to support learning but not stand over hovering children need space to make decisions and solve arguments with each other they cant get with 1 to 1 adult attention or a hovering adult. For most children with a nanny or childminder they need a chance to be away from their carer and toddler groups are the only chance in a day to do this typically the rest of the time they are virtually 1 to 1 with the carer whilst for parents its the other way around with many doing chores at home and less messy play for them its the one chance to spend time with their child doing these activities

Hi Jannier actually I disagree. I certainly don't hover over my mindees at playgroup but I do actively engage with them, as this is what they want and need.

You're right that they need to start making decisions/problem solve but they're a bit young at 2/3 (in my opinion) to do this alone.

So I do the activities with them and they enjoy this and will have a little play alone/with friends but I am always close by for reassurance/to play with them if needed.