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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

30 hours childcare

41 replies

myexisanasshole · 27/02/2019 19:41

So, my ex has got it in his head that we are now sharing the children 50/50 even though I have not agreed to any such arrangement or received any court summons/parenting order/solicitor letter. Safe to say this is not going to be happening and I am keeping the children until the issue is sorted. However I have found out today that he has applied for the free 30 hours of childcare with my childminder and wants my son to go even when he is supposed to be with me (for his proposed 50/50 split). What I can't find out is if this is allowed? I have read that the person applying has to have the children living with them the majority of the time but with 50/50 how do they decide that? Would he be eligible? Obviously I will be fighting his proposal as it's not sustainable for the children as he works full time, can't take our eldest to swimming/dance/choir, eldest is terrified of going to his plus a while host of other issues. So if anyone knows about the 30 hours rules please post below! 😁

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GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 27/02/2019 19:47

Doesn’t sound like a 30 hours issue tbh but a custody issue!

myexisanasshole · 27/02/2019 19:59

It is a custody issue I'm just wondering if he can claim them

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Smoggle · 27/02/2019 20:01

Main parent is usually assumed to be the one who claims the child benefit.

myexisanasshole · 27/02/2019 20:10

That's what I thought, thanks.

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Kittykat93 · 27/02/2019 20:11

Why is the eldest terrified of him? That would be my main concern.

myexisanasshole · 27/02/2019 20:18

I'm not entirely sure, she won't say much but gets in a right state if I say she has to see him or if she's naughty she begs me not to tell him and gets very upset! She said he shouts at her and locks her in her room. He's not a very tactile person whereas I am so she doesn't get much attention/cuddles. He tends to leave her alone a lot. She also hates where he lives as she doesn't have her own room, clothes are in a bag, her bed is uncomfortable and there is stuff piled everywhere 😢

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Starlight456 · 27/02/2019 21:37

Well it doesn’t sound like 50/50 is appropriate. You do need to consult a solicitor for at least to know W here you stand.

myexisanasshole · 28/02/2019 07:22

I am going to fight him all the way, it is not appropriate for them to be living out of a bag half the year. He hasn't bothered for the last 3 years, only having EOW now because he had them for 6 weeks while I was ill he thinks he's dad of the year! My solicitor has advised I keep hold of the children until it is sorted. I just can't believe he's applied for the hours without even talking to me. He sent an email saying that this is what he wanted but I haven't even responded yet! I'm sure by applying for the hours he's committing fraud? My childminder is also worried because she doesn't want to get into trouble.

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Weenurse · 28/02/2019 07:25

No advice, but hugs and 💐

Kittykat93 · 28/02/2019 07:52

He shouts at her and locks her in her room? That's obviously why she's scared then, poor girl. She shouldn't be made to go there.

myexisanasshole · 28/02/2019 11:04

I was up with her last night until 9pm because she is worried I'll send her back there 😢 I want her to have contact, just no 1 week at mine then one at his. He wants the children in 40hrs childcare a week even when they are in my care. He hasn't even spoken to me, nothing is legally binding, no court order and he has just done it anyway. Cross isn't the word!

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Weenurse · 02/03/2019 22:13

Sounds very strange. What are your current arrangements?

Weenurse · 02/03/2019 22:14

Plus, you need legal advice

Lindy2 · 02/03/2019 22:21

To claim 30 hours usually both parents need to be working at least 16 + hours per week. Are you both working and how old are your children?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 02/03/2019 22:26

Lindy that’s if the parents are together. It’s different for single parent households.

myexisanasshole · 03/03/2019 08:38

They are staying with me until we can reach an agreement as advised by my solicitor. He won't be happy and I'm dreading his response, I'm scared of going to court as he will drag up all my past mental health problems and I don't want to put my children through the stress of cafcass and seeing me upset. He even sent his mother round on Friday to check I was ok and messaged my childminder to check the children's welfare as I didn't reply to his text. He is a manipulative bully and I'm scared of him but if I don't stand up to him now he'll keep doing this 😢

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itsaboojum · 06/03/2019 07:33

It would appear you ex has acted entirely within the rules for claiming funded childcare. He has evidently been able to register with the government website and obtain the 30 hours code number.

I’ve seen various local authority claim forms and user agreements: all those I’ve seen require only one parent to provide details and instruct the childcare provider. The general principle is that the funding 'belongs' to the child, and assumes the parents will jointly and severally make responsible decisions on the child’s behalf as to how it is used. The system does not make provision for resolving disputes between parents.

Please remember also, the childminder is providing a childcare/education service, and she is not responsible for resolving your interpersonal conflicts either. Her first duty is towards the child, not to take sides between parents. She is legally required to treat both parents equally and respect their individual rights and interests. This may seem obvious, and I’m not suggesting you’d take advantage. But it is extremely common for warring parents to try to get the childminder on their side; IME this almost always involves the mum's side.

It appears your ex now has a formal arrangement in place with the childminder.

The three of you need to sit down together and make whatever adjustments you can all agree. In a sense, you don’t have to go along with what your ex has arranged. You don’t have to take the child at the arranged times, and you’re within your rights to collect any time.

But this approach is almost certain to have consequences. In my area, a childminder is required to obtain evidence of absences and report poor attendance within afunding arrangement for investigation by the Children’s Social Care Services. The funding department would refuse to pay for the absences, so the childminder is likely to charge them back to you. She has a general responsibility to ensure funded places (which are in short supply) are used properly, so there’s some chance you’d lose the funded place. You can’t rule out losing the childcare place altogether, if the whole thing becomes too disruptive for the childminder and/or other families. Again, parents in conflict are frequently blind to the impact they’re having on people around them, so do have a thought and proceed with caution.

myexisanasshole · 06/03/2019 09:16

The child has to live with you to claim the hours so he hasn't claimed correctly. He has now informed the childminder not to claim the hours and that the situation will take months to sort out- presumably rather than have an adult conversation with me he is going down the court route. As for putting the childminder in the middle, I have not done this, he has and so has she. I have not asked her to disclose information to me, she does this off her own back! I'm all for sorting this out amicably but this is not something he can do and after the threatening email I received I am scared of him, again. I assumed after leaving an abusive marriage, 3 years later and with him having an new gf I wouldnt have to deal with his manipulation and scare tactics, I was wrong.

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GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 06/03/2019 13:44

I think you’re both being unfair to your childminder, mucking her about like this. Sort yourselves out and grow up.

myexisanasshole · 06/03/2019 17:02

How am I mucking her about? Wasn't really my question either. I have done nothing to her but thanks for you lovely input. Growing up? Not really sure how I'm being immature when I left an abusive marriage, he hasn't given a shit for 3 years and now he is changing his mind but hey!

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itsaboojum · 07/03/2019 07:13

The child has to live with you to claim the hours so he hasn’t claimed correctly.

I appreciate you say you’ve "read this somewhere". Where? It will help enormously if you would point us to the official source.

I have come across this idea before, but never in any official source. It is not mentioned in the key DfE document which lays out funding rules, 'Early Years Entitlement: Operational Guidance, June 2018'. Nor does it feature in the user agreements, provider agreement, claim forms, etc of any of thefour local authorities I’ve dealt with.

I suspect this is one of the many rumours that arose in the information vacuum when the government first touted the 30 hour scheme: they hadn’t the first idea how it would be run or paid for.

myexisanasshole · 07/03/2019 08:17

I read it on the gov.uk website.

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myexisanasshole · 07/03/2019 08:21

It says you are not eligible if the child doesn't normally live with you. I've tried to post a screen shot but it won't let me.

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itsaboojum · 07/03/2019 10:49

Thanks for the information.

I’m going to take a logical guess here. In the absence of a formal residency arrangement, it may be difficult to demonstrate precisely what the normal living arrangements are or are not. IIUC, you are keeping the children with you, but you’d ex has not necessarily agreed to this. The application process might not consider that to be a normal or long term position.

Also worth noting that "normally lives with you" is not the same thing as "living with them the majority of the time" as per your original post.

myexisanasshole · 07/03/2019 11:07

I'm sorry but your picking at straws, normally lives with you is the same as lives with you the majority of the time? Not sure why you are being so standoffish and rude. All I asked was if he could claim them, I now know he can't and has withdrawn the claim. I'm not sure why you are getting at me but I suppose everyone has their issues🤷‍♀️

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