we had to sack our nanny!

[SindyW]

Hi everybody. This is my first post (sorry long). I am hoping to get some advice on hiring a new nanny as we sacked ours today. I was a SAHM for 12 years have 4 lovely daughters aged 14, 12, 10 and 8. The 10 year old is severely autistic. All are home educated. They are lovely, polite and well behaved girls (apart from the usual problems with the autistic child who is quite demanding). Our nanny had been with us for 18 months and I thought everthing was fine till last night. I work away from home most of the time, spend a quarter of my time abroad but my husband is off work on long term sick so is around most of the time. Until recently, nanny had sole care of children 8am - 5pm but the last few months my husband has been renovating a house so we can move and has been away as well for 3 days a week. The nanny had to work 4 days, 3 nights. She had her own room and bathroom. On her days off she stays with friends in London. Yesterday evening we rang the children and asked in passing what they had eaten. It turned out after much stalling that my youngest had cereal in the morning (made herself) and a frozen pizza in the evening, made by 12 year old. The nanny has been refusing to cook for them and only cooking for the disabled child. We came home last night and sacked the nanny this morning. I just cant believe that she didnt feed my children. I feel so angry and upset. I just couldnt even talk to her or look at her. We paid her until the end of the week and told her she had 2 weeks to remove her things. I just dont understand why the children didnt tell us. They are very upset at losing their nanny. How can you tell if your children are covering for a bad nanny?

OMG, if the nanny was left alone for four days with four children, one of whom couldn't leave the house, I'm surprised she was still alive when you got back!

I stll don't understand the food.

Who was buying it?
Who was going through the food/menu plan with the nanny?
Who had not noticed that the food had not been eaten?
Where did the frozen pizza come from then?

If he is really home educating them, surely helping to renovate a house would be great for their education?

MP do you think MN will add that to their list of smileys!

The autistic runaway child bit confirms this post as a hilarious wind up.

What has shopping got to do with it?

Sorry I think if I was your nanny I wpould have left before.
You wanted her to cook, clean, put children to bed, educate them, and im guessing lots more too.
So she didnt cook for your older children, big woop, they are old enough to cook for themselves, or at least help out.
I think you were asking too much from her and you and your hubby need to sort out what comes first.
If you make the decision to home educate, you should do it fully, not part time.

I don't think it's too much of a crisis expecting teenage home educated children to be able to cook

Or am I being Victorian?

Good point new life - a running away child who refuses to walk....

I think i'll watch the end of eastenders......more realistic than this thread

Wow MP how long did it take you to work that icon thingy out. I am not worthy

Smells a bit....fishy?

the children was lying to you about the food/cooking because the nanny was their surrogate mom?

at 10 , i could cook myself supper, and i wasn;t even home edded !

Whilst I'm inclined to agree this is a wind up, from my years at working as a nanny and in a nanny agency, I have come across families who would think that this kind of job is normal and even very well paid!

I will try and remember some good ones making sure I miss out any details that could identify the family or agencies involved 0 don;t want to cause any trouble!

If you asked the children in passing what they had eaten yesterday, is this the first time in weeks that you have enquired what they have had for dinner? I am aghast that any parents can have such a feeble grasp of what is happening in their own home. You don't even have to ask - my nanny cooks for our sons and I know what they are eating, often because I ask them but even if I never mentioned it I would still know because

• we never seem to have any fruit or vegetables, despite buying a small van load each week

• sometimes we are lucky and there are leftovers for us for dinner!

• if it's fish, I can smell it when I get home

• if it's bolognaise, one child will be wearing (even aged 9 and 6)

• in passing, I may notice dirty plates in the dishwasher and deduce that it was chicken casserole

• and lots of other ways. What was happening to the food that you (presumably you) were buying?

If the OP is genuine, then there are plenty of threads to searchfor tips on finding a good nanny. I guess I am aware from my own experience that such a job starts out as one thing but can fairly quickly evolve into something quite different, due to changes in my or dh's work patterns. In which case I think that it is essential that you have a regular meeting with the nanny to discuss how things are goign and what common expectations are. It is sometimes harder with live-in staff, especially if you eat together because they will naturally be aware of these changes as they arise, but it is only fair to give them the benefit of a more formal chat for them to raise any doubts/issues that they can see.

Hope that you took appropriate advice before sacking her though.

And if this is the op first post, would she really know about "LOL".

I didn't know the lingo until a few posts in.

My husband was buying the food (i work a lot, often 80 hours per week over 100 miles away). We need to move so hubby can go back to work. Children were cooking for themselves but 8 year old not allowed to so had to pursuade older ones to cook for her. I did it for 12 years and the children were a lot younger and hubby had to work a lot of overtime. She had 3 days off a week and the school holidays with pay. She got 2 weeks off at christmas. I sacked her because children shouldnt have to look after themselves.

Im not a troll and this is not a wind-up. I havent the time. i want to know if i expected too much. oviously i did. thank you all for you kind support. i'll put more help in.

they weren;t looking after themselves, they had one day of non homecooked food

No apparently it was going on for longer lulumama, OP just didn't realise that children were cooking for themselves. Children obv realy loved nanny and were covering up for her. Whole thing just beginning to sound really sad now.

ok

well,it is a shame that the nanny has been ripped out of the family life, with no notice for the children

So is the plan that your dh will home ed your dc? How can he do that when he goes back to work? Do his employers know he is renovating a house and educating his children at their expense?

You can't expect a nanny to educate your children on top of everything else. You need an army of help, not just one poor overworked underpaid nanny.

FWIW we pay our nanny (35 hours per week) £300 a week nett.