Finding it very difficult after giving notice

[Ilovecrumpets]

Hello everyone

Ended up having to say to our au pair that it wasn’t working 1/2 weeks ago ( number of things culminating in her saying she’d would never work any Fri/Sat/Sun evening ( I’d asked for 2 in a 4 month period, xtra pay etc).

Anyway I’m now really struggling to deal with still having her in the house. I’m a single parent so the only other adult which doesn’t help, but she is just being extremely difficult and is quite aggressive/argumentative in approach ( she is 27 so not a young girl). Obviously not helping at all now with anything like washing dishes/tidying after the kids/clearing up after herself. Also am now having to pay for an after school nanny as the last 2 afternoons she had the kids I came back and the house was completely destroyed - bathrooms flooded, toilet rolls down toilets, every single room trashed, all bookcases emptied etc. She was there with the kids playing and screeching in all the mess ( admittedly the kids should also know better - they are 4 and 6), encouraging them. She then just clocked off and didn’t help tidy at all.

I’ve obviously offered to pay all her notice and her flight home, but as she wants to find another position she is refusing to leave ( I had 4 weeks notice - she also then wants me to pay her flight at the end).

I’ve had au pairs in the past and nannies and always, I hope, treated them well. I honestly feel like I cannot bear to have her in the house for another week and a half.

So she finally left this morning - fairly certain she has a new job. Was very unpleasant and she refused to leave until i gave her the flight money in cash.

Certainly not an experience I want to repeat.

Have you changed your locks ?

What idiot hired her without a reference from you...

She's probably given the new family a sob story.

It’s quite possible she told the new family she hasn’t worked as an au pair before hence why they didn’t ask for a reference. Anyway I’ll bet it feels so much better in the house now.

Shame you had to give her flight money when she isn't leaving the country but sometimes it's just worth it for an easy life and to have her gone.

Just to add people like her are soon found out so she won't last long in her next job either

Change your locks.

Thanks everyone

Yes it’s a big relief! I suspect she told new employers a story about me. I actually feel a little bit in shock by the whole experience - and at my lack of judgement in hiring her. And actually I only looked at a written reference myself.

Luckily we have the type of keys that can’t be copied without a code.

I have hopefully found a new au pair as well ( via a recommendation) - so now just need to rejig mentally to feel positive about it again.

Glad to see she's gone , glad the nightmare is over , she was a real cf bit*h

Just discovered she took a load of food and a pillowcase with her?!?

Am now going to try and forget about the whole episode and start afresh.

Haha what a nutter. Maybe you will be lucky to come across her new employer and you can inform them of your experience. How did you locate her originally? Can you complain to them directly

Just the usual aupair world. Like I said a good lesson in not panicking at lack of candidates and going back to someone I wasn’t sure of! I’m usually so super cautious with my childcare and have been lucky to have had really great experiences previously!

I met the potential new au pair today - looks very hopeful and has good references and experience so maybe it will all turn out ok in the end.

Just wanted to update and say although early days the new aupair is just a millions miles away from the last au pair. It’s interesting but it makes me realise how (1) I felt unsure of the last au pair from the moment we picked her up and (2) how she really wasn’t very good from the beginning and instead of persevering trying to work with her to improve things I should have (politely) given notice far sooner. Also from the beginning she didn’t seem to understand how to behave in a shared house. It’s interesting as I immediately felt like new au pair is someone I could safely leave my children with ( even though she is much younger and in some ways comes across as less confident).

So definitely listen to your gut and don’t try to persevere too long I think is my lesson!