Should we bring the au pair with us?

[christmastreewithhairyfairy]

We are new to the AP thing (so please go easy!) and don't yet know what is expected or considered fair. We've just had a lovely 18yo arrive - all well and good so far and I have tried hard to make it clear she's part of the family. But now we have a quandry:

For our DCs birthdays my parents want to buy them a legoland trip. They have found a package where you get 2 days with an overnight stay in a themed family room. They hadn't thought about AP though and I have just raised it. It seems our options are:

• All 5 of of us squeeze into the family room - everyone would have a bed though I feel a bit weird staying in the same room as an 18 year old we've just met. Also we'd have to sneak her in as you are only allowed to book this for 2 adults and 3 children, and we'd also have to pay for a separate 2 day adult park entry.
• pay for her to have her own room in the same hotel. It would also be a family room so a few hundred £. I don't feel comfortable asking my parents to shell out for this and we also don't really have enough cash for this ourselves at the moment.
• put her in a different, cheaper hotel nearby.
• tell her we are going away without her and she has 2 days off. Seems mean though!

WWYD?

I don't know, but I really think its inappropriate to expect her to share with all the family. Maybe ask her, and if she would rather have the time off, you've saved the cash, and everyone is happy?

Assume she says yes, to the time off.

give her 2 days off. My sister was an au pair and, although she was treated as family and made very welcome, that doesnt mean she went on mini breaks with them. just like they didnt go on her holidays. I doubt your own 18 year old son/daughter would want to go to legoland and would much rather be left £20 for a pizza and 2 days off xx

Give her 2 days off!

I would leave her behind. When I was an aupair I loved having a few days off!

Give her the days off
When do you go? If it’s not immediately, then she’ll have had some time to adjust and will probably enjoy a break

I'd give her the time off.

Leave her at home with a bit of cash for a takeaway.

Thanks all. We wouldn't go immediately, probably half term so maybe she will appreciate a break by then as my dcs are pretty hard work

spongebob what do you mean by a choice, offer her the chance to stay in the room with us? if so what if she says yes?!

Give her the days off

Or if she wants to come her own room!!

Just thought of another option - pay for (or offer to pay for) just a day pass for her but she stays at home for the other day and overnight?

I'd give her the day off. You can't afford to pay hundreds for her room, abd realistically if this was your Uni aged child you wouldn't take them.
Leave money for take out and let her enjoy the peace

I'd establish if she actually wants to come.

She might jump at the chance of the extra time off

How far away is it? Could she realistically get there and back alone?

As a previous au pair, I wouldn't mind just having it as days off. Equally if you want her there then you should pay for accommodation elsewhere and the ticket or half the total cost with her if it's just a "would you like to come?"

I think she could get there and back alone fine - it's only about 90 mins away and she came that far to us from her last family. She could drive or get the train which we'd offer to pay too.

I want to treat her as if she was our 18yo DD but the trouble is I have only had DCs up to 7 so no idea what's normal!

God, give her 2 days off! Lovely as I'm sure your family is, an 18 year old does not want to spend two days at Lego land with you.

Haha ok mindchilder

No, give her a choice if she wants to go, using any of the options other than share a room with you, or stay at home vegging out on her own. I didn't explain that too well did I though I knew what I meant

ah I see spongebob! No was me being dense
Thanks everyone - looks like days off are the way to go

I'm 22 and if my family I babysit for offered me to come to legoland half price I'd jump on it to see the dcs little faces would be amazing

Either she can come for the day or have time off. Don’t offer anything else as she might say yes. The legoland hotel for a teenager on their own is a waste of money plus you have to buy extortionate food. Offer a £30 bonus for a takeaway-she will take it.

Give her time off and some cash. Doubt she will complain.
If you're worried about offending her say that it's been arranged for ages.

I'd say set the standard you wish to continue in the future. Otherwise the expectation that she would be invited may happen every time?

Give her the time off! They don't have to do absolutely everything with you