How would you handle this situation?

[Fuckingsickofpeppa]

Here's the basics without going into too much detail.

MIL collects DD from nursery 1 day per week, brings her to my house and watches her for 2-3 hours until I come home from work. Every week I leave details of what's for lunch and any other info I think she'll need.

Yesterday it was pesto pasta for DD lunch and if left a note saying as much. There was fresh pasta in the fridge so it was a meal that would take about 10 mins to sort out. Nice and easy.

I arrived home earlier than normal to a scene of absolute chaos. MIL said she didn't know what pan to use, didn't know if the pasta was to be salted, didn't know what to do with fresh pasta, didn't know how much pesto and cheese to use. DD (age 3) was STARVING. I had to step in and take over.

This has been an arrangement for 2-3 months now and MIL has never once taken DD to the park round the corner or done anything with her while she's in her care. I come home and the house is a TIP with toys, the kitchen is a MESS even if it's just been a cheese sandwich that's been made. It's quite difficult as I spend a fair bit of time sorting the place out when I get home from work.

Now, I know I'm very lucky to have free childcare for my 1 morning a week BUT the woman is driving me mad and I just feel like she's putting no effort into what she offered to do.

Any helpful suggestions?! I'm thinking of "sacking" her and getting a childminder.

You sound a bit high maintenance OP. Sorry!! If you tell her you don't want her anymore, you will invariably cause an issue - more than getting over an untidy house. Like I said in my previous post - see the bigger picture. Encourage the relationship between your DD and your MIL - so what if it takes you 10 mins to tidy up and she has an issue with fresh pasta!

I suspect she was a bit panicked because she knows you are critical/pissed off if she doesn't do things your way.

This is not childcare - it's a grandparent having some time to relax and play with a grandchild. It's not reasonable to expect her to do cooking or tidying during that time.

It's not her job.

You're a crank.

MIL knew lunch would be involved when she offered and insisted it was "her pleasure" to do it.

The question is about my DD being cared for. I don't think MIL is actually interested. If the house was a mess when she arrived and I'd made a packed lunch for DD she'd have something to say about my housekeeping and what I was feeding my child, I'm sure!

Def leave lunch for your dd and your mum. I do feel some sympathy with her because I think pesto and pasta is a generational thing. We see it as a staple but my mum has never cooked it and probably wouldn't really know where to start either.

This about your DD spending time with her grandmother, let them do what they want.

Leave a packed lunch, and something fur your MIL to eat. If they spend three hours watching CBeebies one afternoon a week does it really matter?

If your DD is safe and happy you need to overlook a few toys not put away.

I think from what you said it would be unkind to "sack" your MIL. She's your DDs grandma, not a professional nanny.

She probably thought you meant a sandwich for lunch! And it sounds like she can't win with you anyway

Sorry but you are completely unreasonable. I imagine the place is a mess because she's too busy focusing on your child (hence toys everywhere) - that's hardly a sackable offence to me!

I hope you leave lunch for your MiL too

There is always something to eat for both my DD and MIL.

I guess everyone's standards are different. I didn't realise there were such horrible people on here...

Kent makes a good point.

I'd think carefully about the consequences if you "sack" her

What does your DH have to say about it all? Was it made clear to her that you wanted her to take DD to the park every day?

And like others have suggested, I would leave a packed lunch for your DD. Then see how that goes for 3 months.

Spending time with grandparents is a valuable thing. Maybe like other posters here your MIL thinks that time spent back in her own environment after a busy morning at nursery is better for your DD than coming home, eating a rushed lunch and heading straight out to the park again?

And yes I agree with Kent!

How about beans on toast or a boiled egg? Something more traditional? And be nice, it's nice for your dd to see her granny.

I've left prepared stuff in the fridge and a note saying what's for lunch but when I've come home she's said "I couldn't find ... so I just gave her a creme caramel that was in the fridge"

As someone who's raised 3 kids I think she can do better than that.

Sorry but you sound like a nightmare.... Pesto and Pasta isn't as 'easy' to some people as you make out. You should be grateful she does this for free.

maybe she's just getting a bit flustered and nervous about you being cross with her - give her a break.

It does sound like she's a bit nervous and doesn't want to get it wrong.

Can they stop at a cafe on way home from nursery?

What do they do for the time in the house?

It does sound odd for it to be going this way, if she really wants to do it and you're sure she's not being strategically incompetent. Can you engineer to do a couple of hours together with her and your DD to kind of model what you do?

I've never been openly cross or angry with her. Because I realise she is doing us a favour I don't make an issue of it in front of her or my DD.

The whole situation is incredibly frustrating and wasn't really my 1st choice. I think I knew it'd be more difficult than it needed to be.

MIL would never think to take her to any local cafe. DD loves a lunchbox from Morrison's. Sandwich, drink, yoghurt. MIL can't even make that for her at home.

They "sit quietly and read books" apparently

You sound ungrateful OP. The fact that your mil is helping out with childcare should be enough for you. Why leave notes on what' she has to make for lunch? Good luck in finding a child minder for one morning!!

That's the thing. I was quite happy to have her at a childminder all day after nursery. That's what I had set up.

I think you'll find that I'm not being ungrateful and that if I did not leave a note saying what was for lunch my DD would get no lunch.

I'm really not kidding when I say she'd get no lunch. MIL would not even open the fridge if I didn't mention it. She claims to not eat lunch ergo, no one else eats lunch.

She sounds like a nightmare OP, I would look at getting a childminder as it sounds like far less hassle & will stop you getting pissed off with your MIL. The downside is that you will have to carve out some regular time to spend with her as she sounds like she really wants to spend time with your DD and that might be difficult knowing what finding extra time is like for me!

Don't know why you're getting such a hard time here, anything that makes life harder rather than easier with kids doesn't seem worth it to me!!