NannyCam and our Male Nanny (Manny)

[foursacrowd]

NannyCam and our Male Nanny (Manny):
Well, the brief story is that ATM we have a male nanny, since the difficult arrival of DD. Excellent references, married and a clear background check. No problems on the face of it, but we were curious to see what he was doing with our DS2 and DD1 every day.
A friend of mine put together two tiny camera systems that activated when someone came into the room, and we hid it one downstairs and one in the children's bedroom. They were in for about 6 weeks, and DH and I watched highlights in the evenings.
What we saw was a days packed with love and activity, total attention and consistency. It had never even entered our mind about the possibility for any perversion on his part, so it came as no surprise that we had not employed a Paedophile, contrary to many of the stereotypes on mumsnet! We also discovered why the house is sometimes a bombsite, he prefers to direct his attentions to our DS and DD rather than domestics (which he can do to perfection).
So here is the problem. I feel guilty as hell that I thought to do this, especially as I have seen truly outstanding work that I really did not appreciate beforehand. But where do I go from here? I now value him more than ever, but feel that I have betrayed the trust relationship. Should I tell him? My DH also now feels aquard talking to him, maybe something to do with his insecurities.
What did we expect to see, and why did we do it? I don't know. Everything was perfect before, but it has turned into one big f**K up.
Any thoughts greatly welcomed!

Perhaps Enid did have a point to make but it was far from understandable.

Eleusis, So how do you suggest you would find out something was actually going on if you didn't trust your Nanny without installing hidden cameras???

I totally agree with you re Parents who feel the need to secretly video their Nanny having chosen the wrong type of childcare.

I have no idea, ScottishThistle. I have not come across the need to work that out. I suppose I'd send a friend round to pop in on her and see what was going on. Or I'd call her. I'd talk to other mums who see her in the day. Or I'd pop in myself unannounced.

I will say, however, that being a nanny employer does have a unique challenge in that you have to manage an employee whom you are never there to supervise. And that is difficult sometimes.

The weird thing with respect to nannies is that however many people you may manage at work, in my opinion, it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be able to manage the nanny effectively. At least in my case. If you have to 'discuss' an issue with someone you work with in the office, the worst they're likely to do is moan about you to a colleague. What I can't stand is going through these chats with someone who is then left in one on one care with my daughter. Not that I seriously think she'd ever HARM her, believe me, it's simply that it's not a nice feeling. I find it much easier to negotiate issues with the nursery.

I think it's very important to spend a few days with a new Nanny & call regularly for the first couple of weeks.

both parents stayed with me first day showed me the routine etc, but then left on my own second day, but they tend to pop back here n there as they travel allot

But, there is much more to managing an employee than a couple days of training and leving them to it for next few years. You have to manage them throughout. And that id difficult. It doesn't justify secretlly spying on them, ut still it is a uninque management challenge.

Eleusis, you shouldn't have to feel the need to manage a good Nanny though, that's the point!

Ha! In a perfect world maybe.

Perhaps the world is full of too many crap Nannies, though it wouldn't be if people didn't employ them!

None of my Bosses have ever felt the need to manage me, gladly!

Now now, I don't think that because one requires managing it means she's crap. Most people need to managered. It's human nature and it's why we have managers in all industries.

I disagree, a Nanny shouldn't need management at all unless she's young & inexperienced.

I, as are all of my friends very professional highly competent Nannies.

I agree with Eleusis, everyone in any job gets managed in some way or another. It's just the way it works. I assume E is not talking about having to tell someone three or four times to do something but rather offering some more constructive sort of guidance...?! which maybe one could learn from, dunno.

When i stop getting advice from a boss I usually assume they've given up on me, not the other way around.

Well I guess when I've been doing my job for 15yrs someone with no experience doesn't really feel qualified to manage me then or something!

Who are you referring to when you say someone with no experience? New parents?

The point about a carer is not that someone has x number of years experience and therefore knows more than the parents who aren't qualified to manage them. It's that in order for the parents to have the sort of care which they want for a child, it requires discussion and negotiation with the carer to achieve that. It's really really difficult to work with someone who doesn't see things like this, but thinks they know best. This is one of hte reasons I avoided a nanny at the start, as being a first time mum I knew it would really wind me up.

Yes, new Parents...In general they're hiring a highly qualified Nanny because hopefully she knows what she's doing & is able to make life easier for the family not cause stresses & strains because she needs managing.

My oh my... I think you need to remember who works for whom.

Genidef...At interview stage you should be able to sort out for example, how you wish your child to be disciplined, what you want her to do, eat, etc.

A very good Nanny will take all of those things on board & bring up your child up as you wish.

I agree - she will be willing to be 'managed' I guess!

Eleusis, I know whom I work for - not quite sure what you mean by that exactly...I work for my Employers & my main concern is my charge.

Anyway I'll bow out now as we obviously disagree.

She will be willing to be managed if there is a need for her to be managed, yes.

On a lighter note: I once worked for a Woman whom thought it was fine for her to manage me (after 8yrs experience) by checking the temperature of her 3yo bath water, the symmetry of her pigtails, the folding of her loo paper, to name but a few!

Needless to say I felt the need to leave after 9mths of her management!...I also informed her that eating pain au chocolat & sweets on the way home from nursery wasn't a healthy habit (as I walked out the door!)

I'm wondering if those incidents were really a commentary on you - mums just like to do those sorts of things 'cause they are mums and they can't help it. You may well be a mum too in which case you don't need me to tell you this. She may have had no idea how much it grated on you, she was just thinking about her child and what SHE felt she should be doing.

Having been both an employer at this point and an employee - I can see both sides. It's annoying when my boss works from home, for example, and then acts like I'm on holiday when I do.

Good thing you didn't see me eating a krispy kreme on my way to work the other morning.

I'm not a Mum but if I was a Mum who was around most of the day I wouldn't feel the need to have a very experienced Nanny working for me in any case.

She used to pick the child up from school & take her straight to the shop for goodies every day & then she allowed her to only eat 2 spoonfuls of her night time meal which was prepared by the live-in Housekeeper in the house which had 4 daily maids!

Classic. Did she seem normal at interview?!