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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

NannyCam and our Male Nanny (Manny)

118 replies

foursacrowd · 18/03/2007 12:06

NannyCam and our Male Nanny (Manny):
Well, the brief story is that ATM we have a male nanny, since the difficult arrival of DD. Excellent references, married and a clear background check. No problems on the face of it, but we were curious to see what he was doing with our DS2 and DD1 every day.
A friend of mine put together two tiny camera systems that activated when someone came into the room, and we hid it one downstairs and one in the children's bedroom. They were in for about 6 weeks, and DH and I watched highlights in the evenings.
What we saw was a days packed with love and activity, total attention and consistency. It had never even entered our mind about the possibility for any perversion on his part, so it came as no surprise that we had not employed a Paedophile, contrary to many of the stereotypes on mumsnet! We also discovered why the house is sometimes a bombsite, he prefers to direct his attentions to our DS and DD rather than domestics (which he can do to perfection).
So here is the problem. I feel guilty as hell that I thought to do this, especially as I have seen truly outstanding work that I really did not appreciate beforehand. But where do I go from here? I now value him more than ever, but feel that I have betrayed the trust relationship. Should I tell him? My DH also now feels aquard talking to him, maybe something to do with his insecurities.
What did we expect to see, and why did we do it? I don't know. Everything was perfect before, but it has turned into one big f**K up.
Any thoughts greatly welcomed!

OP posts:

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Original poster

foursacrowd · 18/03/2007 12:34

I think that if my mistake can be a guide to what others shouldn't do, then that can only be positive.

OP posts:

Original poster

foursacrowd · 18/03/2007 12:36

Thanks Josie3. You are talking good sence, and being remarkably balanced as I have hit a nerve here.

The male nanny thing has never been an issue for us, intuition is a really good guide..

OP posts:

zippitippitoes · 18/03/2007 12:36

hmm don't suppose you thought it was cool and sophisiticated to have a male nanny and then cold feet after the event did you? [cynical moi]

CODalmighty · 18/03/2007 12:36

ponce

Original poster

foursacrowd · 18/03/2007 12:38

Zippitoes, oh please.

We were not looking for social credits.

We struggle to make ends meat with him employed, and value everything that he does, now more than ever. Compared to some of the other options we had, this educated guy was the very best option. No regrts.

OP posts:

MellowMa · 18/03/2007 12:40

Message withdrawn

nannynick · 18/03/2007 17:33

For anyone wondering... they are not my employer - as my employer does not have a downstairs!

If he doesn't know about the cameras, then I wouldn't change that situation. You may not have followed the rules when you had the cameras installed - ICO.gov.uk : CCTV in the Workplace , so best to remove them completely now that you have reassured yourself that you have a great employee.

Show your appreciation for his hard work, praise what he does, take him out for a meal, review his salary (pay rises are often appreciated), and try to forget about it ever happening. Yes you did betray the trust, but at the moment he doesn't know that... so don't make it an issue. Learn from your mistake.

berolina · 18/03/2007 17:40

don't tell him - he would quite possibly leave, and tbh I wouldn't blame him. But do show your appreciation.

shonaspurtle · 18/03/2007 17:43

Don't tell him!! And don't tell your friends that you did this or it's bound to get back to him.

God, not only would he probably be furious and creeped out but it could well give someone a complex and make him far less trusting in future jobs since I presume that you came across as very normal people when you interviewed him for the job.

Yeah I know you are normal people but that's not how you'd come across.

VioletBaudelaire · 18/03/2007 17:47

I should imagine your nanny will be furious if you tell him, and he would possibly resign - I would.
It would be pointless to tell him just to assuage your guilt - you shouldn't have done it, but you did, and now you just have to move on.
It's a sneaky and unpleasant thing to do - especially as you had no grounds whatsoever to suspect anything untoward was going on - except from thoughts put in your head from the nasty insinuations of your 'friends'.
I'm not surprised your DH feels awkward talking to him - I'd find it difficult to look someone in the eye if I had been spying on them.

Judy1234 · 18/03/2007 17:58

Of course don't tell him. Apart from anything else you have to tell people if you use CCTV in most cases otherwise you breach the Data Protection Act which is a criminal offence. So tell him if you want a £5000 fine and a criminal record! Covert surveillance is only allowed in very limited circumstances.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 18/03/2007 18:03

dont tell him.
feel safe in the knowledge your kids are very well looked after and leave it at that.
if you tell him, you may lose him.

Ladymuck · 18/03/2007 18:06

I'll bow to Xenia's knowledge as a lawyer, but I'm not sure that this is illegal, especially if you don't retain the recordings. You have a reason for recording him (he is a new employee operating without supervision in sole charge of your children). Certainly Liberty doesn't seem to view it as illegal.

You've got the information you need for peace of mind so I'd take out the cameras and forget about it.

filthymindedvixen · 18/03/2007 18:13

It's lovely that you feel bad about it if that doesn't sound bizarre No harmd one, don't do it again (it's a horrible thought, male or female - to be filmed without your knowledge!)
But, just forget about it, erase it from your memory, don't talk about it, don't do it again and concentrate on being a good employer from now on and counting your blessings..

maximummummy · 18/03/2007 18:25

OH MY GOD no deffo do not tell him i'd be so upset if someone did this to me . Get rid of the cameras i think you could easily get addicted to watching the footage & i'm sure you must have better things to do haven't you? He sounds like a great nanny too

indiajane · 18/03/2007 19:03

Don't tell him. The desire to check is surely natural - not as an ongoing thing though else too much like "Sliver" (anyone remember that film?) Don't some nurseries have webcams so the parents can check their LO's?

Judy1234 · 18/03/2007 19:08

Interesting liberty quote. They should be told it's wrong actually. CCTV is virtually always lawful but you have to put up a notice whch is why at work, in car parks all over you see a notice - CCTV in operation and there are rules even about the size of the sign. The information commissioner's web site seems to be down today - but you can search it tomorrow. There is a code of practice on CCTV and then separately a code of practice for employers which includes a section on surveillance. So don't tell him.

ThePrisoner · 18/03/2007 19:11

I certainly wouldn't tell your friends either - someone is bound to slip up and tell him (or tell a friend of a friend of a friend ...)

Ladymuck · 18/03/2007 19:54

I thought that the code of practice was voluntary though?

Judy1234 · 18/03/2007 20:17

No. It is the view of the Information Commissioner as to the effect of the Data Protection Act 1998. Some people might want to take a view that that interpretation is wrong but the Code could be used against you court and most people choose not to ignore Government guidance on legislation. If there is a huge load of money at stake sometimes it is worth it and you might want to bring a test case.

Having said all this hardly anyone is prosecuted so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

foxinsocks · 18/03/2007 20:21

this must be a wind up surely?

how extraordinary to spy on him during the day AND that you and dh watched the highlights for SIX weeks before you thought it might be morally questionable??!!

(also, and I'm not poking fun at you because my spelling/grammar is atrocious, but 'aquard' has to be the best spelling of awkward I've ever seen!)

chocolateface · 18/03/2007 20:34

I used to be a Nanny and if I'd found out I'd been watched (and not trusted) I don't think I could have stayed in the job.A much better way to check up on your nanny is to pop home unexpectedly, or get a relative to drop by.Let this be a lesson to others. I reckon giving him a pay rise would alleviate your guilt.

edam · 18/03/2007 20:35

Don't say anything and pray you are never discovered. Horrid way to behave but what's done is done. If he finds out, he'll be out of there as soon as he can, I think, entirely justifiably.

TeacherTed · 18/03/2007 20:40

Hmmm, topical post.

I am an established Manny who, for the record, doesn't appear to be the one in question here. Both and upstairs and downstairs at the home ? yes; two delightful children ? yes; of that age?...no, so not me!

Whilst I would be very angry if I discovered I was subject to 'covert surveillance' without my knowledge, I don't believe that any of my practice would show grounds for concern. So I, whilst uncomfortable with the covert nature, would actually be relatively at ease with such an undertaking.

Foursacroud, you asked for thoughts:
Whilst you have clearly overstepped the mark here, both you and your DH should hold yourselves safe in the knowledge that you have employed a dedicated individual who can serve only as a credit to other men in this profession. The decision to tell him lies with your conscience, although undoubtedly you may loose his services if you ?spill the beans?. However, your honesty in bringing such a subject to this message board is at the very least partly commendable .

daisy26 · 18/03/2007 21:08

Some people would think this is wrong and not fair, i'd be quite upset if i found out a family was watching me and ddin tell or aske me first. Fair enough u wanted to know wot they were doing, u cud of asked him? thought it was all abt trust if u suspected something wasn't right then tht's different

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