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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Housekeeper for free?

59 replies

feelingsickaboutit · 27/03/2017 16:55

I have nc to post this ...
This has been playing on my mind for the last couple of weeks and I just can't stop thinking about it ...
one of my 'friends' has a live in help who looks after their daughter, cooks for them, cleans etc. She is foreign and her English is very very limited. She's lived with them for a few years and is in no way related. This friend has recently revealed that she doesn't pay her and was actually boasting to other friends how fantastic this set up is and why pay an au pair or a nanny when you can have a more mature woman with experience without paying a penny. When I challenged her about it she said that food and room is enough payment and she found her another job she does a few hours a week which she gets payment for so they don't need to pay her. She should be really greatful for this job as her English is so poor she wouldn't get that job on her own. She also said if she's not happy she can leave any time and because she's agreed to this set up herself it's perfectly ok and legal. It just made me feel physically sick. AIBU to feel upset about this or is she using her? Is it really ok not to pay somebody for such work?

OP posts:
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DoItTooJulia · 27/03/2017 17:33

What are you going to do?

Love51 · 27/03/2017 17:34

So this person is being psychologically if not physically held against her will.
You don't want this to be modern slavery, because no one wants to think that of people they know. The whole idea seems dramatic.
But you know the situation isn't right.
Report it to the police. If they investigate and no crime is bring committed, you will feel a but of a wally. If you don't report it and a crime is being committed, you'll feel a lot worse. Not to mention the poor woman who is being exploited.

BoBaraMoMara · 27/03/2017 17:37

Am she may be sending any money that she earns back to her family. This is awful. I would report it.

Original poster
feelingsickaboutit · 27/03/2017 17:37

I can't out the country as it will totally out me ... she's got the same right to movement and work as a French or German national and she does know she could get any other job and rent something elsewhere ... and I know she wouldn't be stopped if she decided to to this ...

OP posts:
JigglyTuff · 27/03/2017 17:48

Well - you have your answer. Report your 'friend' to the police or you're complicit in her abuse

harshbuttrue1980 · 27/03/2017 17:48

She's being abused. She can walk out the door, but only in the same way that an abused wife can walk out the door. Psychological bonds can be as tight as physical ones. If you don't do something, then you are complicit in modern day slavery. Report it to the police, PLEASE, for this poor woman's sake.

PencilsInSpace · 27/03/2017 17:49

She's actually in a bit of a precarious position in terms of immigration status. Someone from the EU has to be a 'qualified person' to have rights to live in the UK. You get this by:

  • working
  • studying
  • seeking work
  • being self-sufficient
or
  • being self-employed

If she only has a few paid hours a week she probably wouldn't get status as a worker, unless they are very well paid hours. She could possibly count as self sufficient but would need comprehensive medical insurance in that case.

People are not generally being deported for not being qualified persons at the moment but times are changing. Is she worried about Brexit at all?

If she possibly can, she'd be best off getting more paid work ASAP, and binning off your exploitative 'friend' obviously.

everythingburrito · 27/03/2017 17:49

There's a national minimum wage for a reason.

This is illegal.

Report it.

Otherwise you are complicit in this.

Wondermoomin · 27/03/2017 18:06

This is such a sad situation for that poor woman. Your friend is exploiting her badly. And yes, it is modern day slavery Sad

Don't be so naive to say she could pack a bag and leave and rent somewhere else. You must realise that this is not a real possibility for this woman? Please do something to help her.

Enidblyton1 · 27/03/2017 18:09

No, is is totally illegal. Are you sure she isn't being paid anything?

Do you know anything about the lady's family? Very odd that she would chose to stay if she isn't able to earn any money to send back home.

jannier · 27/03/2017 18:12

If you live in your place of work you can not just pack a bag and walk into another job or home so she is a prisoner, Her only alternative would be to be begging and homeless as any low [paid job she has now wont be enough to pay deposit to live anywhere else. Whether reporting the situation outs you or not its your duty as a human being to do so. Do you really want to be friends with someone who can abuse others anyway?

everythingburrito · 27/03/2017 18:19

What are her contracted hours? Does she get sick pay, holidays, pay national insurance?

And even if she gets the above, how can she pay for anything if she is only allowed out for a few hours to earn pin money?

How will she ever get out of this situation?

Original poster
feelingsickaboutit · 27/03/2017 18:20

No Jannier ... I don't feel I can be friends with her anymore. I always thought she paid the woman and never even considered this may not be the case. She's like a live in gran to them. I've no doubt she loves my friend's daugter and treats her just like one would own granchild. It has left me totally shocked and sick to my stomach that my soon-to-be exfriend thinks it's ok and as long as the woman agrees to it (which I've no doubt she has).

OP posts:
harshbuttrue1980 · 27/03/2017 18:25

This gets even more disgusting. So the slave is an elderly person?? No wonder she can't leave. Her owners will probably chuck her out when she can't work anymore. Please make an anonymous report here, TONIGHT. www.modernslaveryhelpline.org/report
If you won't do this, then you are just as bad as the slave owner herself. This evil can only keep going because people turn a blind eye.

expatinscotland · 27/03/2017 18:29

I wouldn't cut off this 'friend' just yet, instead I'd keep at the live-in slave and work on her. Your friend is a slave keeper. What she is doing is illegal.

DoItTooJulia · 27/03/2017 18:32

So what are you going to do?

jannier · 27/03/2017 18:40

so the woman is low paid and elderly with bad English and allowed out to work in a low paid job that your friend has found her.....as a slave for another maybe.....it has been known before that a worker/family friend has ben encouraged over with promises of being looked after and thinking the pittance offered is a fortune because it would be at home and then they are worked and farmed out to others on low pay. Often they send money home to put food on the table and have the added burden of letting family stave at home. Her hands are tied as she wont know the law and her rights here its your duty to help her please act now imagine if it were your family member.

LevantineHummus · 27/03/2017 22:41

She can't just leave and get another job, because she'd be homeless. She can't leave and rent somewhere and then get another job, because she only has pocket money as an income. So, OP, she can't leave!

And I'm guessing she doesn't get back to her home country very often? Unless your STBExF pays for her flights?

Au Pairs live rent free but they're entitled to "pocket money" and have strict rules about the amount/type of work and days off.

Nannies can live in too, but they get paid for their work.

And if this lady has limited English, then there's simply no way she knows what her rights are.

Please tell the police. Anonymously if need be. This woman is being exploited and it's both immoral and illegal.

Trifleorbust · 28/03/2017 06:58

Revolting. Exploitative. Your 'friend' is a modern day slaver.

2014newme · 28/03/2017 07:03

Op isn't going to do anything.
She will wring her hands, post on Mn, Distance herself from the friend and consider it Job done..

Devilishpyjamas · 28/03/2017 07:13

If she's lived with them for a few years and she hasn't improved her English (one reason I can imagine someone thinking a trade off might be worth it for a short period) then she does sound rather trapped and very vulnerable.

You need to report this. An elderly lady (let me guess, from one of the eastern EU countries) with limited English has been here years with no pay. What happens when she gets ill?

VanillaSugar · 28/03/2017 07:18

Poor lady. This is a lose lose situation. Talk to her properly about her rights and what she actually wants to do.

Trifleorbust · 28/03/2017 07:18

And where is her pension, her health insurance, her dental care, her savings? It is beyond reprehensible to leave someone in a situation like this just because they don't have the power to object and move on. Truly horrible.

BlueRingedOctupus · 28/03/2017 07:20

OP how did your friend end up in this "set up" ? Is there a back story?

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