Tried to help a mum with her head in the clouds, but it backfired

[nally]

I looked after a little boy for almost 2 years, 50 hours every week. I suspected for a long time that he had speech difficulties but didn't know whether to say anything or how to say it. I ended up, last June, mentioning to his mum that some people had commented on his speech and, although I am obviously no expert, she might want to get it checked out.
At around the same time he became aggressive, which got worse very quickly. I had always thought some of his behaviour was unusual and read up on it. It looked like he was probably autistic or had asperger syndrome. I didn't want to be the bearer of more bad news.
In October he started pre-school. Within 4 weeks the staff told me that he was very violent towards the children and to them, that he could not follow instructions, he laughed when being told off, became transfixed by the strangest things and that he would have periods of having a glazed expression and not responding to anything or anyone. They decided to my relief to speak to his mum. Four days later, she removed him from pre-school and terminated the childminding contract with me.
I have not seen him since then, 2 and a half months ago. There is a legal thing going on because she owes me money, but my concern is with him.
Will she just keep hiding him away so that she doesn't have to hear the truth? Will he have to wait until he starts school for anything to happen? Will she ever realise that both myself and the pre-school staff were trying to help them both?
I feel very upset. Can anyone say anything to cheer me up?

Agree scummy. I certainly didn't want to hear that my beautiful, cuddly little boy had a life sentence. I wasn't in active denial (i had plenty of books hidden under my bed, I had raised the awful questions), but I didn't need to be told that my son was the strangest child ever seen. I didn;t need to be blamed. I could have been handled very different. Without knowing what went on between the mother and pre-school its hard to know whether the mother is in denial or pissed off.

Speedy - yes the mother was clearly....unusual...in her attitude to being contacted etc. But that still doesn't mean that the pre-school should have told all to anyone who wasn't the parent. But asked nally for her real numbers, or asked Nally to pass on a request for accurate numbers, or even given nally a sealed note to pass to the parent. No reflection on Nally or her integrity - it just wasn't the right thing to give info about the child to anyone other than the parent.

It does sound like it was v badly handled, jj. I am sorry you had to go through that on top of everything else. I think often there is no good way to raise concerns but certainly there are less bad ways and the staff at your boy's nursery sound like they were horrible, frankly.

Message withdrawn

Agree Blu, especially about confidential letter because I think Nally had trouble contacting her too.

As said previously, I did pass on the message from the pre-school to his mum that they needed the right numbers. I gave them the numbers I had for her as well, which when called went unanswered anyway. Twice she changed her mobile no and didn't tell me. I found out both times when trying to contact her! I think it should be up to the parent to inform people if their details change. Otherwise how would we know to ask?

With regards to what went on between her and the pre-school, they sat her down for half an hour and went through their observations and concerns. She just said there was nothng wrong with him.

I know that I would be devastated to be told that one of my children may have difficulties. I would hope though that I would not shoot the messenger. I suppose you don't know until you are in the situation yourself.

Also, this woman has been drving around on a provisional licence (after failing her test 3 times) with no one but her 2 year old boy in the car, who was usually not properly strapped in, for almost 2 years. When I questioned it, she said that lessons and tests were too expensive, so she couldn't be bothered... when I tried to strap him in for her once, she said "Oh don't worry about that. He knows how to get out of it anyway."

Sorry for harping on. I will leave it now.