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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Au Pair duties - is this reasonable

52 replies

sunnyjim · 20/02/2007 14:17

We're getting an Au Pair in the summer, duties will be:

Get DS 21/2ready (breakfast and clothes) and take to nursery (5 minutes walk away for 8.30am) 3 days a week.

Pick DS up from nursery at 4pm two days a week and occupy him until mum/dad comes home at 5pm.
(i reckon thats 5 hrs)

Do light household jobs:
run hoover round living room twice a week
Sweep/mop kitchen floor twice a week
wash up breakfast things every day
Wash up tea things in turn with us (if eating with us)
Shove on a load of washing once a day - towels, DS clothes, au pair clothes,
Pick up local shopping (tea, milk, stuff from organic shop) once a week/as needed
Take in and put away tesco order once a week
Water plants in garden (pots on patio and plants in herb garden (15 minutes job) every other day.
(an hour and a half a day a day 9weekdays) so 7.5 hours a week)

One evening babysitting
5 hrs

one afternoon/morning activity with DS on a non nursery day. (ie take him to the park (5 minutes away) or to playgroup
3 hrs

So its about 20 hrs a week with a split between childcare and household stuff. I'd only expect the drop off and pick up for the first two weeks and then move onto babysitting etc. Can be pretty flexible about which days Au pair did nursery run as I work p/t. Would give them one full day off during the week and one full day off at weekend.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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NAB3 · 20/02/2007 14:19

I used to be an au pair and all seems fair though for some reason not the washing up after her tea when you all eat together. Do you really want to eat with your au pair every night? Usually they eat with the children or at a time that suits.

Mumpbump · 20/02/2007 14:29

Sounds very reasonable to me!

jura · 20/02/2007 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

sunnyjim · 20/02/2007 20:05

The washing up thing would be if we were all having tea together - I woulnd't expect that to be every night but maybe 2 or 3 times a week with an expectation that once or twice the au pair woudl offer to wash up.

The weekend thing isn't about sole care or a full day working - I'd ask the au pair to take DS out for a couple of hours to the park, or to play with him while we had grown-up time and coffee, or a pub lunch. So really its 3/4 hrs during one day over the weekend.

OP posts:

Coolmama · 20/02/2007 20:10

I think Jura is right - it all seems fine, but I think you have to be really precise and specific about the weekend duties - it's almost always a sticking point.

shimmy21 · 20/02/2007 20:19

It all sounds reasonable to me but remember that she may well want to do some travelling round the UK or visiting friends perhaps in other cities at weekends so not being able to get a whole weekend off seems a bit hard. If you are prepared to negotiate the weekends with her then I'm sure she'd be happy.

Have you found out when English classes are so she can fit these into her timetable?

Original poster

sunnyjim · 20/02/2007 20:34

I'd be happy with just 2 weekends a month of 3 hours or so one day.

Yes I've got details of language classes for her/him.

another question - how on earth do you say 'we'd prefer some alone time as a couple a few evenings a week'

OP posts:

ScottishThistle · 20/02/2007 20:37

Re the family alone time, it's perfectly normal for an au-pair/nanny to spend his/her time when in the house in his/her room at night so shouldn't be an issue really.

mishmash · 20/02/2007 23:33

Sounds reasonable to me too - I am in the search for our new AP at the moment.

Current one eats with us every evening - even at the weekends - which doesn't really bother me too much but she never attempts to help clean up after even though it is down as one of her duties. And she sits with us every evening which again I could do without sometimes - she has her TV in her room.

I would agree that two days together would be better - we give weekends off - my friend gives Sunday and Monday.

ScottishThistle · 20/02/2007 23:37

I don't understand how an au-pair could sit with her Employers every evening & if I felt uncomfortable with it I'd say something sooner rather than later!

Original poster

sunnyjim · 21/02/2007 12:08

Yes it puzzles me a bit that a teenager/yougn adult would want to sit in with two older adults while they are discussing work stuff. I will make sure she has TV with freeview channels and a DVD player in her room cos we don't watch alot of TV either.

So woudl it be better if I arranged days so Au pair had friday and saturday off? then did 3hrs on sunday?

I have another question, on a thread on here someone talked about how they as an Au Pair used to go out get p**d and roll in at 3am to get up and try and get children to school with a hangover at 8am. There's no way I want that happening - friday night is Aupairs night off with no work the following day and as long as she locks up/lets us know if out all night what she does is up to her. But getting ratarsed before she is due to take my small son across a busy main road? I think not.

My instinct is its like drink driving, if you have too much the night before - especially if going on until 2/3am then at 8am you are still over the legal limit. So going out 8-11pm and having 2/3 drinks isn't a problem. More than that is a problem for me. But I don't want to restrict her free time, how do you manage this?

OP posts:

pollyanna · 21/02/2007 12:11

I used to give my au pair a curfew. But she abused it and I sacked her (like you, I wouldn't tolerate her coming in after 2am and then being in charge of my children the next day). I have had other au pairs though and they have all been responsible as far as drinking/going out is concerned. I have a list of rules which include not going out past 12.30 on a work night and not being drunk/hungover, but I haven't had to remind any of them (apart from the one I sacked) about this.

Mumpbump · 21/02/2007 12:13

I say that she has to be back by midnight if she is looking after ds the next morning. Getting rollicking drunk is a big no-no, but as long as you get a half-decent au pair by being careful in the recruitment process, I wouldn't have thought it's likely to be a big problem. Just out of interest, whereabouts are you? Our au pair is looking for more hours and she is really good.

Original poster

sunnyjim · 21/02/2007 12:34

We're in Hull, east yorks.

Looking for 20+ hours to start in aug/sept

OP posts:

Mumpbump · 21/02/2007 14:04

That's a shame. Your timmes would have fitted in with our times, but we're near Gatwick so no good...

Have you seen www.greataupair.com? That's quite good, there is only a modest joining fee and you do all the searching yourself.

ScottishThistle · 21/02/2007 14:08

Surely Au-Pairs can't afford to go out regularly & get drunk!

Sorry but if any employer (albeit I am a Nanny) had ever tried to give me a curfew I'd be utterly appalled!

Original poster

sunnyjim · 21/02/2007 15:33

ScottishThistle, if I'm living in someone else's house I think it would be reasonable to be asked to be back by midnight unless agreed otherwise.

Especially if there are children in the house - I mean do you really want someone coming in unexpectedly at 3am and waking the baby up?

Surely its a courtesy thing? and with most of these things I would expect it to work better if all parties know what is expected from day one.

OP posts:

Mumpbump · 21/02/2007 15:37

Well, given that most pubs still close around 11pm, I don't think asking someone to be back by midnight is unreasonable. To my mind, a responsible person would not be p*ssing it up into the wee hours when they have children to look after early the next day... I do think it's reasonable to specify this to make sure that everyone is clear where they stand.

Sunnyjim - I have some Rules of the House which I gave to our au pair. If you email me on helena_biggs at hotmail dot com, I'll send it to you, if you'd like...

blueshoes · 21/02/2007 16:35

Hi Mumpbump, I am also keen to see those rules. Would it be alright if you posted them on this thread?

Mumpbump · 21/02/2007 16:55

Okay - here are rules for the world at large which I mainly cribbed off some other Mumsnetters...

RULES OF THE HOUSE

Please do not smack ds or other children (dsc)
Please do not smoke ? in the house or in front of the children, either you or any friend who may visit you
Please do not stay away overnight without telling us beforehand
Please be home by midnight if you are looking after the children the next day
Please ask permission if you would like to invite anyone to the house ? we don?t mind, but it is nice to be asked!!
Telephone ? you may use the telephone for local calls and we will provide a phonecard for calls home. Please avoid ringing any mobiles between 08:00 and 18:00 as it is VERY expensive!! You may use the internet link, but we may need it sometimes for work.
Do not let anyone into the house, unless we have told you they are expected or you know them yourself.
Please let me know if we run out of everyday food, eg. milk, bread, butter, etc.
Please do NOT leave ds unattended or on his own, ESPECIALLY in the bath

10. Please ensure you arrive on time to collect ds from nursery as we are ?fined? if he is collected late 11. Please tidy up after yourself in communal areas, such as bathroom and kitchen

blueshoes · 21/02/2007 19:46

thanks, mumpbump, that's really handy. I'll bookmark that reference when I have to do the aupair thing this Sept.

I noticed that you allow the aupair to have visitors. I have a thing about the aupair bringing men into my house, with advance notice or not, staying the night or not (shudder). Is it unreasonable to ban all visitors?

ScottishThistle · 21/02/2007 19:53

Maybe the whole Au-Pair thing is different!

My Employers are perfectly happy for me to come home after midnight even on a 'school night'...I'm an Adult as they are & they also come home sometimes after midnight. (blimey imagine that!)

Also re the if you are staying out overnight let us know before-hand. If the Au-Pair is out with friends & spontaneously decides to stay over with one of them, will she be grounded?

ScottishThistle · 21/02/2007 19:55

Reasonable to ban male visitors?...What if your Au-Pair has a Boyfriend?

jura · 21/02/2007 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jura · 21/02/2007 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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