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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

She's lying, isnt she...

46 replies

Nightynight · 14/02/2007 21:24

I am currently exchanging emails, and have spoken on the phone a couple of times, to a prospective au pair.
She says that she didnt receive my last 3 emails, all of which were replies to the same email from her, and has started to say things like, she thought I didnt want her to come, and that she needs more reassurance (she is due to arrive on Saturday)

Surely this is stretching the bounds of credibility? Has anyone ever clicked Reply To, and the recipient didn't get the email?

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swifterella · 14/02/2007 21:26

maybe give her the benefit of the doubt as she is about to look after your child/dren and maybe suspecting her of lying already isnt a great start??

Aloha · 14/02/2007 21:27

I would say that as she is going to look after your children you SHOULDN'T give her the benefit of the doubt and tbh I think she isnt' coming anyway.

liquidclocks · 14/02/2007 21:27

Yes, because my friend's inbox was full. BUT, I always got a 'failed' messgae to say it hadn't got there.

I hope she's not lying if she's already on her way...

franke · 14/02/2007 21:29

Can you 'phone her? I'd clear this up now before she sets off.

Original poster

Nightynight · 14/02/2007 21:39

tbh, thats my feeling aloha.
I phoned her this evening in a Right, let's clear this up, sort of spirit, and she said most convincingly that she really hadnt received any of my emails.
Just dont see how this is technically possible. I think she's buying time, while she looks for another family.

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Original poster

Nightynight · 14/02/2007 21:41

I didn't get any failed messages. Actually, that really convinces me, she is definitely lying.

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swifterella · 14/02/2007 21:44

why would she want to loo for another family though?? if you dont feel right about it set her straight now.otherwise you'll always doubt her IYKWIM??

franke · 14/02/2007 21:47

Are you in a position to ditch her now? If the trust has gone already, it's going to be hard to regain it once she is with you.

Millarkie · 14/02/2007 21:59

I had this with a childminder recently, I sent her an email - 3 days later she kept ringing my ansaphone asking things which I had already told her in the mail. Couple of days later I get an apologetic email - her email provider had stopped her mail for almost a week so she hadn't got my mail. She def wasn't lying as she was very

NotQuiteCockney · 14/02/2007 22:05

Hotmail sometimes loses emails. Emails do go astray. Sometimes your provider gets on a blacklist somewhere. Eventually the emails will be delivered, or they will bounce back to you. Probably. Maybe not, sometimes they just disappear.

Or she could by lying.

Original poster

Nightynight · 14/02/2007 22:06

I am now undecided about ditching her, because I have just remembered that I did once send an email to someone I trust, and he said he didnt get it, and I believed him.
Both times, the emails have been sent from hotmail. I wonder if anyone else has had similar issues with hotmail?

trust isnt really such an issue, as we agreed the first 2 weeks will be trial, and you get to know someone pretty fast when they live in your house. If she is not the author of any more mysterious misunderstandings or possible lies, and the children like her, then she should be ok.

swifterella, most of the au pairs do that. When they arrive, the first thing I normally do is sit them down and say politely that I think they should take their profile off the internet now. They know that I can see when they last accessed the job search site, and they usually do it after they have arrived at our house. They are always looking for a richer family, or one with fewer children, or one in a big city. several of them have said to me that they preferred my job in the end though, as I dont treat them like servants, which was nice!!
Ive decided that this is the last time Im recruiting an EU citizen, next time I will get a visa for someone from africa, then hopefully she wont mess around.

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NotQuiteCockney · 14/02/2007 22:07

Oh, yes, if you are sending from hotmail, it can get stopped by a spam filter anywhere.

Original poster

Nightynight · 14/02/2007 22:07

ah, posts crossed nqc and millarkie!

thank you, that's useful to hear your experiences of lost emails.

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nannynick · 14/02/2007 22:09

I've had issues with a (major name) web based e-mail provided at the end of last week, some messages coming inbound got delayed by around 20 hours. Their servers had picked up the mail, but did not show them in my inbox. So I couldn't even read the messages via other software. So yes, e-mail can get delayed. Once the issue is sorted out, new e-mail is delivered immediately, and the old e-mail gets through little by little, so it is possible that messages go missing... though do tend to turn up eventually. It's a bit like Text messages between mobile phones - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't!

HeartOnMyGreensleeve · 14/02/2007 22:10

"Ive decided that this is the last time Im recruiting an EU citizen, next time I will get a visa for someone from africa, then hopefully she wont mess around."

Er - what on earth do you mean by that?

Original poster

Nightynight · 14/02/2007 22:11

I used to program servers that handled text messages, we had one solution for all error situations - ditch the text.

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Original poster

Nightynight · 14/02/2007 22:13

oh no, here we go again, I gave away some personal info on mumsnet, and so I have to get savaged by someone who has jumped to the conclusion that Im a heartless monster/cruel exploiter/bigot. sorry greensleeves, Im not rising to it.

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hercules1 · 14/02/2007 22:14

Bit of a strange comment to make you have to admit. It confused me and I dont know you from adam.

HeartOnMyGreensleeve · 14/02/2007 22:15

I'm not "jumping to conclusions", I'm taking issue with a comment you made. This being an open forum.

Are there really still people with attitudes like this? How sad.

Original poster

Nightynight · 14/02/2007 22:16

its not a strange comment if you have anything to do with africa, which I have. Im off to bed now, I have a lot of family crises at hte moment and I havent time to sit here defending myself against imaginary crimes.

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HeartOnMyGreensleeve · 14/02/2007 22:17

Nightynight

swifterella · 14/02/2007 22:30

cor that was a bit weird

HeartOnMyGreensleeve · 14/02/2007 22:31

No, it's an even more abhorrent comment if you have anything to do with Africa. You used the word "exploit", not me. I just asked you to explain your remark, which I think you did, in spite of yourself.

fannyannie · 14/02/2007 22:34

Nightynight - I've never had an au pair - and neither am I likely to ever be in the position to have one - but I think I know where you're coming from with your comment about Africa and the EU

Aloha · 14/02/2007 22:35

Er Greensleeves, aren't you rather jumping to conclusions? You seem to be assuming that Nightynight would prefer someone from Africa because, say, she might be more 'exploitable', but she could mean something totally different, like she could employ a relative, who might be more committed.

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