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Original poster

My nanny has resigned - should I pay her a Christmas bonus?

28 replies

StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 04/12/2006 22:12

She has worked for me for almost 10 years, full time for 7 years and part time for the last 3.

In April she went on maternity leave (her second child), and returned mid October. I really didn't think she would want to come back once she had her second baby, but she was adamant that she would return.

Once she came back, though, it was all different. She has a 40 minute journey from her house to mine and her baby (5 months old when she came back to work) doesn't sleep during the day, so by the end of the day she is very fractious, and my nanny was evidently very stressed by this.

My boys are 14 and 11 now, and we really don't need a nanny, so the fact that she is leaving is not the end of the world (although it's the end of an era, so quite sad - she is lovely and we will all miss her). She (and we) did realise that we were basically paying her to come to our house and look after her own children - and given that it was so stressful I think this was the point at which she realised she didn't want to carry on any longer.

Anyway, taking all her holiday into account, although she resigned last week, she is leaving on Tuesday - which leaves me with this dilemma. Her last official day (minus holiday time) would have been 22 December. Normally I would give her a cash bonus of £200 in her Christmas card (as well as a present for her and her children).

This year, as she's leaving/won't be here and hasn't been around for most of the year I don't exactly feel inclined to pay her this bonus. Money isn't exactly sloshing around at the moment either - I'm self employed and business isn't brilliant at the moment.

Do you think I'm being mean? Should I pay a bonus or would this be OTT/stupid?

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PanicPants · 04/12/2006 22:14

Why don't you buy her a special leaving gift instead?

PanicPants · 04/12/2006 22:14

Why don't you buy her a special leaving gift instead?

DonnerDasherDancerDior · 04/12/2006 22:17

I would buy her something personal for £100. Something she can keep. You must know her well enough by now to know if she has anything she collects, or whether she likes a particular type of jewellery etc?

Original poster
StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 04/12/2006 22:18

Yes, I was going to buy her some flowers. My boys have both written her letters, and I have also bought Christmas presents for her and her 2 children.

OP posts:
DonnerDasherDancerDior · 04/12/2006 22:19

Flowers? I would buy her something to remember you by really.

Original poster
StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 04/12/2006 22:24

Sorry - should have said that I was going to buy her flowers regardless of whether I would have paid her a bonus. If I don't pay her a bonus yes, I think it's appropriate to buy her a leaving gift.

Trouble is it's all happened so quickly I haven't had time to think about what to buy or go out and buy anything!

OP posts:
DonnerDasherDancerDior · 04/12/2006 22:26

It's nice that you have had such a happy relationship with her for 10 years. Does she have any hobbies?

persephonesnape · 04/12/2006 22:29

i do think you're being a little mean to be honest. this woman has worked for you for ten years of her life, she's got two children herself, including one young baby and is giving up work. with no idea of what her family finances are like it seems to me that she could use the money, particularly as you've paid her #200 in previous years - there may well be an expectation of a christmas bonus, even if she isn't actually employed at christmas.

I'd say at least £100. Or get her a spa day or something that she can use for herself.

(sorry if thats a little blunt, I'm usually far more diplomatic!)

Original poster
StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 04/12/2006 22:31

No hobbies - no time with two little ones! I know she's always appreciated money, but somehow giving money for a leaving present seems a bit odd.

Given her stress levels recently, I might buy her a voucher for a spa/beauty treatment - will have to speak to her mum and see if she will babysit for her.

Thanks - this has helped give me some ideas!

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Original poster
StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 04/12/2006 22:33

Sorry Persephone - crossed posts!

Don't mind the bluntness, that's exactly why I posed the question. I'm not mean at all, in fact I'm usually over generous, which was why I wasn't sure in this instance.

OP posts:
Socci · 04/12/2006 22:33

Message withdrawn

IWhoooooshYouamerryXmas · 04/12/2006 22:33

I am with Persephonesnape I am afraid-she has cared for your cildren,I am assuming (apart from the last period) extremely well-brought them up in your absence?
I think she deserves,however you phrase it,a Christmas bonus or a VERY nice leaving present.

Original poster
StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 04/12/2006 22:34

So - a bonus and a leaving present?

OP posts:
DonnerDasherDancerDior · 04/12/2006 22:35

Spa day sounds lovely. What about a lovely watch or necklace?

Original poster
StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 04/12/2006 22:36

Whoops - you're all answering so quickly I keep crossing posts with all of you!

Yes, she has looked after my children extremely well and I couldn't be more grateful, hence asking the question here.

OP posts:
PrincessPeaHead · 04/12/2006 22:40

I'm afraid after 10 glorious years and struggling on still with two children she deserves the christmas bonus AND a nice leaving present.

spa day is good only if she will be able to use it (ie does she have anyone to leave the 5 mth old with for the day?). If she does then that would be great. Otherwise something like a nice necklace or a nice photo frame with a picture of your kids (I don't recommend this often but in this case I think it is OK!) or something tht will mean something...

It is so rare to have the same nanny for 10 years, I bet that is most of her working life. You will feel terrible if she leaves and you then feel you've been mean and it is too late to do anything about it. Better to err on the side of generosity I think.

dara · 04/12/2006 22:44

Give her the bonus. It's only £20 a year for all the years she has worked for you. Make leaving nice and you will feel so much better about yourself ever after. That's got to be worth the money!
And do a lovely leaving ceremony with tea with all the kids or something and give her some jewellery.
You are a very lucky woman to have a lovely nanny.

dara · 04/12/2006 22:46

Also, if you don't need a nanny any more you will save a FORTUNE next year. In that context £200 is nothing. She, however, will earn very little if anything in the near future.

dara · 04/12/2006 22:46

You sound a really nice woman and employer, btw.

DonnerDasherDancerDior · 04/12/2006 22:46

Yes, a leaving tea sounds really nice.

Original poster
StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 04/12/2006 22:48

It is her entire working life - she joined us out of college at the tender age of 18!

So, I'm getting the message loud and clear that she deserves something significant from us. I had thought so, but also had an eye on my own bank balance ...

Thanks for all your views and help

OP posts:
coolmama · 04/12/2006 22:50

I'm with Dara on this one - seems a bit strange to refuse her a xmas bonus ( which she may be counting on for her family) because she is leaving a few days short of her full work year - sorry to be so straightforward.

dara · 04/12/2006 22:52

I think you need to be prepared for it being a really emotional day! I suspect if you didn't give her the money you'd probably end up in floods of tears and offer her your house/car/children or something!

Original poster
StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 04/12/2006 22:52

Thanks Dara

I think we're a nice family to work for, but I have always, always made sure that my nannies (I've had 2) are well looked after. After all, they are taking care of my two most precious possessions.

It's going to be really hard when she goes tomorrow (just reading the letters my boys wrote to her brought tears to my eyes!).

I think, taking everyone's views into account, that I will give her flowers tomorrow and then spend the time over the next couple of weeks choosing her a really nice Christmas and leaving present.

OP posts:
dara · 04/12/2006 22:53

Oh, and invite her back to see the children. My teenage daughter still loves to see her old nanny.