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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

OK for CM to moan on FB about what a drag her job is....

43 replies

NumptyNu · 19/08/2015 10:16

Hi all, not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, but I can't help feeling really upset when I see CM posting on FB about how she can't wait for the week to end, when she is looking after my children.

The children are well-behaved, and we hand over an awful lot of money each month (there are three of them) in return for her services.

I therefore always get a shock when I see whinging and whining about it on FB. We have an otherwise happy arrangement. Should I speak to her about it? I'm worried this will fester if not. Or should I leave it, on the basis that we all get tired at work and it's fine to have a moan now and again? I don't want to come over all 'we pay your wages so be grateful about it', as that's not quite how I feel. It's more 'you're talking about my kids there, and it upsets me to hear you refer to your work like that'.

AIB over-sensitive? Or is this inappropriate behaviour by the CM?

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SamBlackCrow · 19/08/2015 10:18

Totally inappropriate if she's actually moaning about your children.

Unless it's more of a 'can't wait for the weekend!' post and you're taking it personally?

happystory · 19/08/2015 10:19

You are not being over sensitive, this would upset me too. I work in a preschool and there really isn't much difference, we are told not to post ANYTHING about work, even 'I've had a bad day.' I'd be inclined not to be FB friends with her.

TheFallenMadonna · 19/08/2015 10:19

i'm not sure it's a great idea for you to be Facebook friends.

Buttercup27 · 19/08/2015 10:20

It sounds very unprofessional, I don't think I would be happy about it but I'm not sure what I would do about it. Sorry no help!

Nolim · 19/08/2015 10:20

As a general rule it is unprofessional to complain about your work in fb.
But if she is simply saying she is looking forward to the weekend, well, arent we all? If she says she cannot wait so she doesnt have to look after three spolied brats then i would call her on it since she is posting about specifics, as oppose to the generalities of her work.

Original poster

NumptyNu · 19/08/2015 10:40

Thanks for the perspective guys - spot on as always. I take all of your points. I think we're talking here of a minor case of unprofessionalism on her part clashing with a minor case of over-sensitivity on mine. She's not specifically referring to the kids as being brats, but somehow the inference is there that being with them is hard work / unpleasant.

I know, I know, I'm reading too much into it! The reality is perhaps that I'd do anything to swap places and be there with them....

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Original poster

NumptyNu · 19/08/2015 10:40

I know, I know, I'm reading too much into it! The reality is perhaps that I'd do anything to swap places and be there with them....

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holmessweetholmes · 19/08/2015 10:43

It depends on exactly what she says. Looking after small children all day is tiring and can be exasperating, as we all know. MN is full of people venting about being knackered after dealing with their little monsters angels.

FB is also full of posts with people moaning about a hard week at work and thanking god it's the weekend. Childminders, teachers etc should have the same right to have a whinge to their friends on FB as anyone else does, as long as they are not saying anything offensive. If you don't like to hear that your CM has anything other than utter joy all week with your dc, then don't be FB friends with her.

DeandraReynolds · 19/08/2015 10:44

She's silly to have you as a friend on facebook!

I'd be tempted to comment something like "oh no, were the kids difficult today?" just to let her know how it's coming across but without challenging her directly.

Frusso · 19/08/2015 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hoppinggreen · 19/08/2015 11:30

When I started to use a CM for ds she explained that she would have to remove me as a FB friend as she felt it was unprofessional to be on FB with parents of mindees . I had known her as a friend for about 4 years before she became a CM but even so she had a very firm policy on it and sent me a friend request the day after ds left her!!!
Sounds unprofessional in general to me

Jollyphonics · 19/08/2015 11:36

This is why you have to be careful who you have as a Facebook friend.

I'm sure your kids are lovely and well behaved, and I'm sure she's fond of them, but ultimately it's a job for her, a means of making a living. As with any job, however much you like it, there will be times when you can't wait for the working day to end so you can relax. So it's perfectly reasonable for her to express this sentiment to her friends.

However, for you it feels like an insult, because she's essentially saying that she's looking forward to no longer having to spend her day with your children, who you love more than anyone in the world. I'm not surprised you're upset by it.

Neither of you are wrong for feeling as you do. The mistake was being Facebook friends in the first place. I would block her posts if I were you.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 19/08/2015 11:38

When DD was at preschool her teacher was always thrilled that it was Friday, but I never thought to take it as a criticism of the children. I could see that she was putting loads of energy and effort into the children and DD was very happy and thriving there. I think some people just really like a change of pace, DD's teacher was also happy when holidays ended and looked forward to being with lots of children again.

KittyandTeal · 19/08/2015 11:48

I'm a teacher, some of my fb friends are friends with parents.

I do write about my job but it's all positive stuff on fb or neutral like 'thank goodness we all managed to get out for fresh air between the down pours' or a kind of 'come home with paint and glitter everywhere, must have been great junk modelling'

I'd never moan about my job publicly, I'd msg my work mates to do that.

Original poster

NumptyNu · 19/08/2015 16:11

Well that's good because you don't employ her. She's self employed and has contracted you to use her services.

Hence why I said that it wasn't how I feel Frusso! However, we do pay £2k per month, and are her only customers, so wouldn't be totally outrageous at all to feel as though we DO pay her wages iyswim....

Like you HoppingGreen, we were friends for several years first, so would be a shame to have to unfriend. It's more a case of me getting things in perspective here.

I realise we all whine about our jobs in private, which is fair enough. However, FB is such a public forum, and yes, the children are identifiable, as we live in a small place and everyone knows CM and who she looks after. Also, I'm pretty sure I'd get the sack if I moaned about my employer on social media.... ...

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BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 19/08/2015 16:16

Perhaps you could think about it in a different way. That she is looking forward to the weekend because she has been putting energy and imagination into looking after your DC. If she was coasting and just plonking them in front of the tv then she would be less tired and not looking forward to the weekend so much.

TBH some days in the summer holidays I really look forward to my DC's dad coming home from work so it can be his turn to play endless football, break up fights, tell them off for using bad language and listen to "I'm bored" on repeat. And the days that I put a bit more thought into it and have day trips or activities are even more tiring, although less whingey.

FungusTheBogeymam · 19/08/2015 16:20

If she's just complaining that it's a long week and she can't wait for the weekend, then she's just doing what 90% of Facebook users do.

If, however, it's more than that, then I'd raise it with her - in an understated kind of way. "I saw your posts on FB and I'm a bit worried that you're unhappy with us - is there anything you think we should talk about?". I'd also request that, if she ever makes a post complaining about her job in future, she removes you from the audience of that post. It might be enough to stop her from doing it in future.

Pancakeflipper · 19/08/2015 16:24

Is it a one off moan or does she moan everyday?

If it's a one off I'd ignore it as we all have weeks when we need time out, and you don't know what else is going off in her life.

If continual moaning and specific about looking after your children I'd be commenting

Original poster

NumptyNu · 19/08/2015 16:27

Very eloquent and diplomatic Fungus, I like that approach. The last thing I want to do is kick up a fuss that is all out of proportion and contaminates the rest of the relationship.

I do get what you mean BlackAmericanoNoSugar, believe me, with 3 under 6, I've been there many times !

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Coconutty · 19/08/2015 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

NumptyNu · 19/08/2015 16:31

Pancakeflipper - I wouldn't say this is a common occurrence, but it has happened a couple of times. Also another mother once reported that CM had been complaining verbally to a group of other parents at a playgroup once. Again, not about the kids specifically, but just what a pain the job was generally.

I took no action at the time, as although the mother doing the reporting is a trusted friend, I just put it down to CM having one of those days (she has two tricky kids herself), which we all have now and again.

It feels as though perhaps she's in the wrong job perhaps!

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Original poster

NumptyNu · 19/08/2015 16:33

Yes Coconutty, I'm perhaps being over sensitive, hence why I needed a sense check fro you guys! Thanks everyone, you have helped me calm down and see things from both sides.

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Notgrumpyjustquiet · 19/08/2015 16:34

Two grand a month? Jesus Christ!!!

wafflyversatile · 19/08/2015 16:44

She's not BU to moan about work on FB but she is BU to not remember to hide the statuses from you.

Is there a mutual friend who can go 'haha, you might want to hide those from numpty'?

TeddyBear5 · 19/08/2015 17:03

I'm a childminder and I finish on Friday for a two week holiday. My parents all time their holidays to coincide with mine which is great. I listen constantly to how tough work is at the moment, how they really need their holiday and will be switching the email out of office message on with pleasure etc. I can't join in with the excitement due to this exact same reason- parents thinking we work purely for the love of their children.

I enjoy my job immensely. But it is a job. Bloody hard work and I do it because I have bills to pay. I would be a lady of leisure if I could afford it! I also have my own children and husband that I would like to spend quality time with.

Thanks for the reality check.

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