AIBU re babysitting

[NannyProblems101]

Hi
I'd really like some perspective on this as I genuinely want to be fair and reasonable.

I've had a nanny for 16mths (3DC aged 4-10). Her contract states that she works 12 hours per day, 5 days per week + one night per week baby sitting.

To date she has babysat approximately once every fortnight - usually to about 9pm. She has ocassionaly (perhaps less than 5 times baby sat until late).

I asked her to babysit next week until 11 and she has said she does not want to do it. In fact she does not want to babysit until late on any day where she has had the children at home all day (so no school holidays at all).

I get that it is a long day - although she only has youngest DC at the moment as older two are away, but I feel it is what she is paid for.

I spoke to her last night and she quoted employment law at me. I dont know where to go. I feel she gets flexibility and is paid well (she got a 10% raise and one months bonus last month) but theer seems to be no understanding that some days are better than others.

Nannies work very long hours, it's standard.

She agreed to babysit once a week and now imposes conditions, despite being paid to babysit once a week and only doing half those babysits.

She's very ungrateful imo.

I would sit down with her, discuss the babysitting arrangement, ask if she'd like it to be taken out of the contract she has signed, do so it that's doable for you, and then present her with a new contract, babysitless, and point out the adjusted pay.

Because expecting to be paid for work you are unwilling to do is bonkers, entitled and grabby.

If she has quoted employment law at you, what does that mean? Are the terms of her contract contrary to employment law?

Refer her (nicely) to the terms of her contract, a contract which she signed 16 months ago.

panda "how would I feel if my employer changed my contract to 65 hours" erm...I do at least that! Hence why I need a nanny who works long hours....I'm not sitting on my arse painting my my nails.

We do have a back up babysitter who is usually used - she is on hols hence this request.

As I say I won't ask her to babysit and I won't reduce her pay, (although I'll probably reassess bonus) however I will admit I'm feeling a little less willing to be flexible going forward.

Since the general feeling is hours are too long to be reasonable what do others who work long hours do? It's clear I need to review.

I'm going against the tide and saying YANBU. Yes, if she is live out those are long hours but she agreed to babysit once a week (I'm in the UK and this is normal in my experience), she only does half those babysits, and this late one is unusual. You have also offered her the option of staying over so I really don't see why she is refusing. Once the child is in bed babysitting really isn't hard work.

Live-in contracts often include babysitting but live-out in my view do not, though I have known agencies try to include it and I have told them No.

She did agree to the contract, she does the work and accepts payment, so yes you could force her to do it at a mutually convenient time but it is already causing friction in your relationship.

If you removed babysitting from the contract, would that change pay? Perhaps point that out to her, the deal was the deal and if she wants the deal changed, then you would look at that but removing a duty may impact on salary.

Only you know if you are being reasonable in your request and I get the feeling you are being reasonable as you are asking them to do a specific date and are prepared to change that date to something that suits them.

Are there any other issues, do you need to rethink your childcare needs or the suitability of the person doing the job? Nannying is very tiring and I certainly notice that as I get older, so over the years what hours a nanny works may well decrease as we run out of energy. Is she at that point in her life, does she need to cut back?

Wow she's lucky. my contract states I have to do two week night babysits. She' is being unreasonable babysitting is a part of the job.

Another one here saying it's in the contract....
Personally I'd never sign a 1 night babysit clause as a live out. I do however babysit 1 or more nights a wk sometimes. Yes it's a long day but once the children are in bed it's no different to sitting at home watching tv. I never look upon babysitting as anything other than keeping an eye/ear out for the children. I certainly don't do ironing, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc during babysit hours so yes it is more relaxed in comparison to a normal working day. Has Never bothered me.
I did take exception to the woman who came in at 330 am knowing full well I was working the next day.

you are not asking for the moon - a simple bs that is 2hrs later then she normally does and is a one off

you offered her to stay over which i think is fair

you have done nothing wrong and tbh i am surprised at some of the comments here

nannies have long hours, yes a 60hr week is long or 62 if doing the odd bs to 9pm but she agreed to it and signed the contract

as i said in my first reply, be different if you wanted this every week but you dont

You need to ask her why she has refused. Is it because she is live out, will work until 11 and be back at 7 and potentially only sleep 12-6 and feels she needs 8 hrs?

The baby sitting clause needs to be discussed again, with time/day limits if necessary.

I'd already decided I'd forget the babysitting on the basis that it wasn't worth souring the relationship but I came back tonight to a formal letter which was basically a rant about how she "works 60 hours" with an implication that her salary (which I think is generous) is insufficient and some minor gripes - e.g I mistakenly forgot to refund her for a bill that I said I would.

I'm so fed up. Doing 60 hours is really unusual - maybe 4/5 weeks per year. Term time it is more like 28. I'm not sure how wer're going to go back from this.

Then maybe you can't, OP. Maybe this relationship has come to a natural end.

Another one here that doesn't think you are being unreasonable. This was her contract. If she thought it unfair or contrary to employment law she should have said so at the time.

I think in many ways the fact that she hadn't had to work her full contractual hours means she's rather taking the upsides of her job for granted.

Sounds like you might need to part ways.

What salary do you pay?

And she is forgetting that she agreed to your job and working the 60hrs and one bs for the current salary she is getting

Sadly I think the time has come to look for a new appreciative nanny

I assume you don't pay less when kids are at school?

OP sounds like it's time to move on. 16 month down the line and now she's complaining? ?? She may have had a better offer or been chatting to friends. Either way, I don't think you can go back.

It sounds to me like she's finished, but doesn't want to give notice. It looks like you need a new nanny.

How does the directive apply if your not in the UK?

I would look for someone else tbh.

I think you're probably right regarding parting ways - it's just sad both for DC and me as I have tried to treat her well but I think it is a case of the "upside" is now the "norm".

Plus recruiting where I am is a nightmare.

Her net salary is approx £29k + a car for personal use (expensive to hire/run here) and private medical.

I'm not a bitch or pita - have never commented when she takes DD back to hers to drop off her groceries or feed her dog, I'm not strict re budget, there's no child related housework or any if the other things I hear make life difficult.

Honestly I don't think she wants to leave but I do believe she thinks she is hard done by.

I also am with the YANBA group.I am a nanny working between fifty and sixty hours a week .A part of our job is that we do work long hours and also agree to occasionally babysit in the evenings,employers obviously prefer their regular nanny to babysit.I should say that every nanny I know babysits at some stage during the week either for their employer or another family and takes it as part of the job,she signed a contract agreeing to sit and has been fr the 16 months previous to this.Why has she suddenly said she won't?It doesn't sound as if she has too hard a time with just a four year old on that day you asked.She had just had a months bonus and a generous raise she sounds a twit to me to be rocking the boat when you are obviously a,generous employer .Some employers would get their nanny to babysit every week.
Hi to Blondes.

YANBU. She knew what she was committing to when she signed the contract.

Sounds to me like she found the summer break looking after all the children hard this year.

In my experience with nannies, once you have hit something like this, it usually signals the end of the relationship and you both have to move on.

Thanks for feedback - interesting that those who think I'm unreasonable seem to be the mum bosses and those that think I'm not are the nannies

Anyway I have a couple of days off to think it over.
Thx

I am a mum boss and I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable!

I just can't get my head around this. I have recently interviewed at a nanny agency in a view to returning to nannying and I have been thinking about my previous employers and contracts. I think both sides rarely stuck to it by the letter. As time went on and both sides trusted and appreciated each other both sides were willing to go the extra mile and help each other out when necessary. That is the nature of the job in my experience. It is a long day but it is a one off and I would be wondering why she doesn't want to help you out.