Au pair - questions :)

[turquoiseamethyst]

Hi, I am a newly single parent and I have two children. My son was 8 in February and my daughter is 1 next month. In July I will be having a second daughter.

I have no one to help and this can be relentless as well as posing practical problems so my questions are:

1. the house we will be moving to has 3 bedrooms and two reception rooms and I envisioned the au pair having one of these for her bedroom - okay?

1. How long can she have sole charge of the children for? I know she isn't a nursery or crèche but would she be able to have the babies for an hour or so alone if needs be?

1. What do you pay? Was tentatively thinking of £100 a week?

A mothers help from the site I suggested would be there 24/7.

If you get a good au pair you will absolutely be able to leave the babies with her for going out for a few hours. Dont listen to all the people on here who have never had an au pair and have no idea!!
Yes for full time care maybe leaving 2 babies with an inexperienced 18 year old is a bad idea, but you are not going to recruit an inexperienced 18 year old are you? You will look for an older girl, with experience, perhaps looking for her 2nd year as an au pair and probably the oldest in a sibling group with childcare education. There are lots of them around.
Your wage sounds right for the children's ages and workload and im sure you will appreciate the enormous help it is having a spare pair of hands! Recruit well, be sensible and you and the children will have an amazing year!
I came here many years ago as a 21 year old au pair into fulltime work with a newborn and a toddler. We were all fine and the boys were pagepoys at my wedding 20 years later!

Having had a quick peek at au pair world there are currently among thousands a 20 year old qualified Dutch nurse fresh back from working in russian orphanages, a 22 year old Swede with perfect English coming back from a year as an au pair in Sydney, 25 year old Veronica from Germany looking for her 2nd year as an au pair. There are hundreds of highly qualified girls and boys with more than ample qualifications experience and willing to work hard.
Again I am shocked at some of the mumsnetters anger and prejudice thinking all aupairs are stupid kids. Have any of you ever done what these brave young people do? Leave everything behind to go on a years adventure being adopted into a new family and having to completly change your life? Its quite an achievement! And learning a new language and holding down a job that is often long hours? These girls have gut and patience and having been one I know exactly what its like! I now have au pairs myself and have had superb experiences due to careful recruitment and sense.

OP good luck!

Thanks so much.

I like the thought of children experiencing different languages.

OP if I were in your position I would definitely go for an au pair plus, she will not only be there as a childcare help but also as a friend - and seeing as you said you have no one else. I think it's perfectly fine to leave an au pair with a younger child if she has some experience, of course only for 3-4 hours.

HRH no one thinks Au Pairs are stupid kids. But they are not nannies and even an experienced nanny would find two babies challenging at times.
I'm sure there are many au pairs who might manage it for very short periods and if the OP is genuinely only going out for an hour, might work.
But in all honestly it will probably be a morning here and there ? She also has an older child who is home schooled.
These type of arrangements are fine until an accident occurs. Baby crying , au pair rushes to him and toddler has accident. The OP would be held accountable if social service feel she has used inadequate childcare.
There is also a duty of care for the au pair , in not expecting too much and putting them in vunerable position.
I fully understand her wanting company 24 hours but think she should limit the sole charge to one baby until all children are older.

No, I dont have an older child who is homeschooled: I have an older child who will be at school.

I don't understand the scenario above at all - I'm sorry?

Your child is not at school now OP because your are home schooling. If he/she is back at school in September then there are still after school time and weekends. Would you never leave au pair with all three? Maybe not.
Can you guarantee you will get a school place in September?

You don't understand scenario baby toddler accident? Well if you have an eight year old and a one year old you had a seven year gap. It might be a learning curve for you too. You might change your mind when you have had baby.

I'm not saying don't have an au pair but you need to get an older more experience one and consider sole charge very carefully.

But most nannies have very few qualifications, usually entailing first aid (which all my au pairs do the first week they are here, they do the same course an ofsted registred childminder do and an ofsted registred nanny would do) and a criminal records check which all my aupairs complete in their home country and in the UK. On top of that they may have done some childcare qualifications (im an ofsted registred childminder and did a 6 week course years ago) . I am not saying that nannies are underqualified or that childminders are Im just saying there is not always much difference in qualifications or experience. A childminder has and nanny may have public liability insurance, but other than that an aupair may have much higher qualifications and be a highly superior childcarer than a nanny. Yet nannies are rated very highly here and are paid well (very deserved i must add) yet aupairs are dismissed as irresponsible who can not deal with a crying baby and toddler. My current au pair handles the children better than me and I have never seen her be anything but fully in control if any situation and she works hard and is very much appreciated and loved.
Please note again Im not saying that nannies and childminders dont deserve the respect and money they earn, its incredibly hard work, totally draining and parents can be the worst part of the job, but dont dismiss the au pairs who do the same job for much less money with sometimes higher qualifications and a lot of experience.

Florence, do not tell me what I am and am not doing. I really don't appreciate that condescending and overbearing tone. I am not a child.

Thanks HRH

To be honest OP I have read all your threads and find your tone quite aggressive.
I have my doubts to be honest about you as you seem to invite conflict. If you are genuine, maybe take the advice in the manor it is offfered.

I have over 30 years of childcare experience and have used Au pairs as a parent too so I think I am qualified to give my opinion. I wasn't meaning to be condescending but if you haven't cared for two babies yourself I can't understand how you can be so confident an au pair can do this safely.

Good luck with your childcare I'm sure you will work it out, I won't flame the fire anymore.

I apologise if I come across like that as I am under a lot of strain just now (although reading all my threads? ) but by the same token I find it - not aggressive but certainly demeaning to be told 'you ARE doing X' - especially when I am not - 'therefore you CANNOT do Y.'

It is bossy and it is patronising and I don't like it.

Florence I think you are being too harsh on the OP without any actual knowledge about her life.

OP maybe try describing in detail what hours you'd need the au pair for, what duties she'd need to do, when you'd need her to start, it might clear things up as I'm certain most people seem to think you want to leave an au pair with three children for full hours.

I don't really know Janet - I imagined a typical week might have me ask an au pair to keep an eye on the babies for 1-2 hours in the afternoon (when they'd be sleeping, likely as not!) two to three times a week.

OP I think you've misunderstood slightly what an au pair does. They are not on call 24/7, they should have set working hours in the same way a mother's help or nanny would. Just because they live with you, you don't get the 24/7 cover that you want/need. They should have time to attend a language course during the day and obviously will spend the weekends/free time with their friends/sleeping/travelling. The idea that you can pop to the gym/spar/hairdressers/doctors at short notice is not a realistic one. Whether you have an au pair or mother's help or nanny, these things will need to be booked in advance.

You also need to seriously consider the stress of living with someone else. It can be fantastic. It can be a disaster. If taking them to a childminder is too stressful, I can't imagine an au pair being ideal. It's a relationship that needs a lot of work.

An au pair could suit you, but you need to be realistic about what they can offer and what the possible downsides are.

You may be better looking for a local nanny who can do ad hoc hours or using an agency like Sitters.

Oh absolutely leeds but just the same, if I was to ask them to be available (but not necessarily 'used') between 1 and 3 in the afternoon, that would surely be reasonable?

The problem with other forms of childcare is that firstly I live in a remote area - there just aren't banks of experienced nannies eager to help me out - and secondly that my dd2 will be VERY little and a babysitter - I don't know. Point taken though :)

Newborn babies are pretty portable - I would be more inclined to take your DD2 with you in sling or pushchair when you go out and only leave au pair with the toddler.

I think I mostly would Bird, it's just so relentless - you know? Especially in the run up to Christmas when everywhere is packed!

You can definitely ask them to be available for 25 hours a week, but they need to be fairly set hours (some flexibility is reasonable obviously). So, 8am-9am and 1pm-5pm, Mon-Fri every week, is fine. Asking them the day before to be around between 1pm and 3pm and then 11am-2pm the next day and then 9am-1pm the following day, changing every week is not reasonable.

If I were you I would look for a junior live-in nanny. A job with a newborn and a 1 year old will be a great starter job for someone. The benefit for you is that they should have some qualifications/experience already, will be actually interested in childcare rather than just having a gap year, will already speak English, you won't have to worry about home sickness/culture shock, might be happier with a rural area as they're not here to travel and they don't need to meet new friends etc., you may get the house to yourself a bit more often if they have family that they stay with on the occasional weekend etc. You may be looking at paying more like £150pw though.

turqouise - I don't think its at all unreasonable for you to have a bit of help, but I still think its very unrealistic expecting an au pair to look after two children under 2.

There will be occasionally some au pairs who have a more experience than others, but they are unusual - just have a look at the available people on au pair world, they are generally nice girls/women who have had a bit of babysitting experience before or have worked in a holiday club.

The chance of getting someone who is experienced with two small babies and wants to come to you and you like them is very slim.

I can't answer whether you could leave a baby with an au pair because I have not done it. I have had 3 au pairs over the years and I do think having one would offer you benefits even if leaving them alone with the 2 babies was out of the question. The au pair could walk the older baby in a buggy to the playground. Could let you take that lets face it much prised shower in peace. You could leave a napping baby in a cot while au pair is down stairs while you nip out for milk. When I have au pairs my younger under 3 children also go to childminders because the hours are not suitable but the au pair has baby sat under 3s before when baby is in bed just like any neighbourhood teenager might.

Au pairs live with you 24/7, but they aren't THERE 24/7. They have college commitments, social lives etc. If the au pair is on her time off, you can't just ask her to drop everything because you want to go out. An au pair plus could possibly look after a baby for a couple of hours, but they can't be on call all the time - no employee is. I would also rethink having her sleeping in one of the reception rooms - could the children share so she can have a proper bedroom? There's nothing wrong with wanting some childfree time. Unfortunately though, unless you can afford a fleet of nannies, mums can't just pop out to get their hair done without any planning. About the haircuts, have you thought about a mobile hairdresser who will come to your house?

Thank you. I did concede that of course in my above post. The girls would already have been sharing but we aren't moving now so an au pair is not needed - good thing too, hey!