Au pair - questions :)

[turquoiseamethyst]

Hi, I am a newly single parent and I have two children. My son was 8 in February and my daughter is 1 next month. In July I will be having a second daughter.

I have no one to help and this can be relentless as well as posing practical problems so my questions are:

1. the house we will be moving to has 3 bedrooms and two reception rooms and I envisioned the au pair having one of these for her bedroom - okay?

1. How long can she have sole charge of the children for? I know she isn't a nursery or crèche but would she be able to have the babies for an hour or so alone if needs be?

1. What do you pay? Was tentatively thinking of £100 a week?

An au pair is not generally supposed to be in charge of babies, but an hour one evening for you to pop out should be okay- not an hour a day with them both awake! £100 actually quite good- often £85, but a lot of people pay for phone/ English classes/ use of car/ etc. if you make the recep room nice and it has a separate door it should be fine- will you all share 1 bathroom? If so might need some house rules!

There are two bathrooms, thankfully! One is downstairs - it was my grandmother's house and she had a wet room built when she got elderly! I hoped the au pair could use that to give her some peace!

Would leaving the babies during the day be a definite no-go? I just ask as I would occasionally want to go to the gym/get my hair done!

I'd definitely be happy to pay for phone/entertainment - I know two under 2s will be demanding and so I'd want to compensate for this!

I think one baby might be fine, two is not really fair. I would worry if there was an accident etc how a young girl would cope.
But I sympathise for your situation. How about making sure you get an older au pair 25 plus, definitely paediatric first aid. Pay for her to do when she arrives. The ones for parents would be fine IMO.
Pay her the going rate so less I think than £100. Then see if there is anyone nearby retired neighbour who would join her when you have hair done ect in the day.
Or how about au pair plus 1 year old booked into a childminder for one or two mornings a week. I know some childminders don't do such part time hours but some do. Maybe if it was only when a charge was at pre school so not suck days, insert or holidays?
Best wishes hope you have lots of friend support too.

Gym pick one with a creche and take one baby with you.

Florence all those suggestions cost money :) the point of an au pair long term would be to save! Otherwise I might just as well put the DDs into childcare for a couple of days a week .

I wouldn't leave any of our au pairs alone with 2 babies. Rest of the arrangement sounds okay though.

I'd just put your DD's into childcare a couple of days a week and use those for gym/haircuts.

From previous posters experiences it depends on the au pair. Lots are young and relatively inexperienced but many older au pairs with experience will be fine with babies so look carefully. UK guidelines suggest they look after kids over the age of 2 but this isn't the case if they're working in other countries

Well yes but that's awfully costly for the odd gym visit/haircut!

Childcare for babies is expensive because they are vulnerable little people who need the highest level of care.
The government recommends au pairs care for over twos because in general au pairs don't have the experience required to care for them safely.
Asking them to care for two babies is silly. I'm sure you would worry about them.
Taking one baby with you to the crèche and leaving one with an older /baby experienced au pair would be best option.
Or no au pair and use the £100 for a childminder. In my area it would pay for
@ 10 hours for both children.
Life as a single parent is hard and I don't want to sound harsh.
They will be close in age and good little playmates in a few years so you will reap the benefit of that and life will be easier.

If you need childcare just for the odd gym/haircut then find a babysitter then?

It isn't just for that - it's general support/help.

Absolutely it is hard - but what crèche?!

Please don't be hard on OP everyone I think she needs our help. Sorry if I have sounded harsh just trying to be truthful.
I have PM you.

Where I live local sports centre/Gym has a crèche , ie you can leave baby or toddler while on the premises. Sorry I have no idea of cost. But it is generally a low cost option.

Well - it doesn't here, but thanks! It's all very basic. But anyway I didn't really mean the gym: the issue is never getting to leave the house without two tinies attached to me. I love them obviously - but it's a lot.

Would you be asking the au pair to mind the children while you're home schooling your 8 year old, OP?

Well - no, if you were genuinely asking and not just trying to be unkind.

My second daughter is due in July and I explained fairly extensively on the other thread I envision DS going back to school in September.

No, I wasn't being unkind! I had wondered (before your threads) how anyone could cope with a baby while trying to HE. I don't know what au pairs are allowed to do/not do, so didn't know whether they could mind the baby while you were in the other room with another child.

the issue is never getting to leave the house without two tinies attached to me

I'm afraid you'll need to pay an awful lot more than £100 per week if you want to be able to leave the house without the little ones. Nannies and experienced babysitters that you'd trust with a baby are £10 per hour in London.....sorry, I think you're a bit unrealistic. I'm not a single parent but husband works long hours - haven't been to gym in 5 years and get hair cut once a year if I'm lucky. Exercise DVD or exercise bike instead?

Honestly, I think it is a terrible idea, unless she has worked as a nanny/in a nursery in her country and just want to learn English. And if she is going to have two under two, she definitelly should be paid £100

You could have a proper nanny to come 10 hours a week for £100.

I really feel for you, it must be an extremelly hard situation and you definitelly deserve help, but don't go for the cheapest option, you take too much of a risk.

If you are going to save money, it should be on the hairdresser/gym, not on the person who will deal with your two young children. I am sorry to be harsh, but I am always horrified at people wanting to spend as little money for childcare but spend easily on the rest.

But I repeat, you totally should get help and time for yourself. Can't you send the middle child to nursery for 15 hours free when he is two if you don't work? And put the little one the same hours to a childminder (That should still be less than 100£)?

Yeah all right it's unreasonable as hell to want 2 hours to myself a week.

Sure enough with £100 you can pay a nanny 2 hours a week?

It is unreasonable to expect an inexperienced Au pair to deal with 2 under 2 alone

It's not unreasonable to want it, it's unreasonable to expect it as a parent, single or otherwise!

How the fuck am I supposed to command a nanny up from mid air for 2 hours a week and guarantee that then I will go to the doctor or do some shopping or whatever? I can't. But it doesn't matter; I was an idiot to think I could. I can't.

Try Sitters, OP. You can book for short time like that. You don't need a nanny to go and get your hair done!

I'm really wish we could help you. But you're not even trying. You just want someone to tell you "Yes, go ahead. Take an Aupair. It will be alright to leave her alone with 2 kids..."