Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

3 sets of grandparents with each doing a day a week's childcare - too much??

32 replies

MATB1 · 19/10/2014 06:49

My parents are divorced/remarried and live close by, and PIL are a very short drive away.

I'm on mat leave with DD2 and already overthinking childcare for when I return to work.

With DD1 I did 4 days pw with her in nursery two days and then with one set of GPs the other two days on a three week rotation. I think this worked ok but I it took DD1 a long time before she comfortably went to her GPs because I think there was quite a long break in between seeing each one (we didn't always manage to see them socially in between their week of having her). I also think they spoiled her a bit too much for the same reason.

I don't yet know what work will want me to do but I suspect it will be four days pw (I would prefer three). If I have to do four then it's likely DH will also do four days and so either way we'd need 3 days childcare for the two DDs who will then be 3.6 and 12 months. The GPs have all intimated they would be happy to do a day a week each. I'm not convinced it's ideal though - here's my pros and cons

Pros

time with people they love/love them
gives DD1 the opportunity to move on to preschool because the GPs could do the drop-offs and pick ups (whereas DH and I won't be able to due to our working hours/commute).
eliminates our childcare costs
potentially less 'spoiling' of DDs as they would see them more

Cons

I worry it would be too confusing and inconsistent to have a different care provider every day
it's a big commitment for the GPs who are all in their 60s and I worry about it being too much for them as well as the logistical issues of finding alternate childcare if one is ill.
DD2 'missing out' on nursery. I really think DD1 has learnt a lot from being at nursery and as DD2 is a July baby I'm keen for her to do the same in an attempt to minimize the supposed disadvantages of being a summer-born.
selfishly, I think we'd have less willing weekend babysitters if the GPs were doing a day a week rather than the two days every three weeks as before (not that we go out a lot!!!)

Anyway I know I'm at risk of overthinking this but it's woken me up at 6am in the morning needing to get this off my chest. If anyone has been in a similar situation I'd be keen to hear...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HSMMaCM · 19/10/2014 10:59

I would say the less caregivers the better, although this doesn't answer your question at all. Not sure whether the three week rotation or the one day a week each is better. I would say for the grandparents the rotation is better. Not sure about your dc though.

LuckyLopez · 19/10/2014 11:37

That's 5 different primary carers in 5 days - Too much ime as a childcare provider.

Crowen85 · 19/10/2014 14:04

That's a lot, unless they all had a meeting a set the same boundrys etc. Or it could be caois and confusion.

bigkidsdidit · 19/10/2014 14:07

I wouldn't do it. I am a bit fanatical about consistent care though! I think it can get terribly confusing.

Artandco · 19/10/2014 14:19

I would consider it, but only if they come to your house for the childcare. That way at least the children have same routine/ beds/ home/ toys etc.

Or you could book both children into nursery 3 mornings a week. Then ask each set to do 3 afternoons on 3 week rotation. So mon/tue/ weds both go to nursery say 8-12am, then grandparents pick up and have 12-6 at your house.

That way grandparents get less tired as not full on days, can bring back, give lunch and give nap/ quiet time, then just a few hours to pass in afternoon. They also can plan easier as have 1 week on, 2 weeks off each.

guineapig1 · 19/10/2014 14:33

See, I think it would be fine! Obviously there will be a bit of settling in etc but if your dc1 is happy with the three sets if gp's surely dc2 will take his or her lead from dc1. I think grandparent care is great if it works. I accept that everything won't be as it is in a nursery but if the DC have virtually one to one care by people who care about them as much as you do (not suggesting for a sec that they won't be well cared for in nursery btw!) and get a chance to foster a lovely relationship with them all surely it is win win?

hollie84 · 19/10/2014 14:35

DS2 is looked after by me, DP, a CM and a grandparent on different days and seems to manage fine.

Picklewickle · 19/10/2014 23:36

DD was looked after by me, nursery, DH and my parents on weekdays, and me and DH jointly at the weekend. I had a big calendar on the wall with pics of each set with DD. From 11 months old, every night we would talk about who would look after her the next day, and move a marker to the next day's picture. Then we would look at the pic again in the morning and remind her. I think it helped. All in all it seemed to work. DH and my parents took it in turns so she never had all 4 of us in a week.

I think 3 sets of grandparents would be harder though, and the logistics could be a nightmare depending on their approach (and yours).

I disagree with them not spoiling them so much if they see them regularly. It'll mean 3 days a week of far too much chocolate and ice-cream IME! But that kind of thing is something you put aside or deal with, not a driver.

I think in your position I'd be considering 2 days of nursery and 1 day with grandparents, on rotation.

Starsaboveyou · 19/10/2014 23:50

My DS has 4 in a week (me 1 day, DH 1 day, his GM 2 days & his CM 1 day). He copes fine & has really flourished.

He is 2.6 now and can tell you which days of the week different people are looking after him. Apart from the day with his CM he is always at home which may help.

Why not set a trial period to try it for then change it later if it's not working? You will never know unless you try.

BackforGood · 19/10/2014 23:54

I think 5 different 'caregivers' over 5 days would be incredibly confusing for a child.
Obviously, don't know your financial situation - maybe 'needs must' - but I think that's a big 'ask' of the dc.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 19/10/2014 23:54

Ds does 1 day with my parents, one with dp's parents and 2 days in nursery.

He loves it and it works really well forr us. If one set of gp are on holiday the other set double up.

I think your arrangement will be fine.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 19/10/2014 23:56

Oops, and Fridays with me.

So 4 caregivers if you want to call us that but it's mainly family - they love him and love having him.

Viviennemary · 20/10/2014 00:03

Quite a lot of people use a childminder or nursery in combination with a grandparent. So you have one extra change of carer compared to them. It's not ideal but since it is family I think it should be OK. And a variety of activities and carers might even be good for your DC's.

BackforGood · 20/10/2014 00:03

I'm glad it works for you Bob, but I think the differences in 'rules' or expectations could turn out to be very confusing, as a general rule.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 20/10/2014 00:09

Tbh back although I see where you're coming from I think that in real life more people get on with their families and are able to just say 'don't give him chocolate today please and make sure he doesn't kick the dog' than on here.

My real life friends have good relationships with their families, see each other regularly and go on holiday together etc.

Only on mn do people hate their in laws and eestrict visits with relatives.

Sorry - turned in to a bit of a rant!

BackforGood · 20/10/2014 00:26

No - I'd agree with that - am AMAZED at so many of the over reactions to 'nothing' I read about on here, but that doesn't mean that 3 sets of Grandparents are all going to have the same 'boundaries' as each other. Now, that's fine when it's the odd 'treat day' with Grandparent ~ we all know it's part of a Grandparents job to spoil their grandchildren but when they are doing a regular full day of childcare, then it's a slightly different thing.

We all obviously post from our own experiences - it works well in your family so you would therefore expect it to work in a lot of families.

I get called in to support when dc aren't coping, and I come across quite a few children that seem totally confused by just 3 different care givers, with different styles and expectations on 'their' days. It gives my my perspective - I don't see those scenarios that all work out well, as they don't call me in when everything is hunky-dory.

mimishimmi · 20/10/2014 01:27

It sounds complicated and confusing just reading it. The thing with family childcare is that they can't just take a day off if they don't feel like doing it/want to visit friends/go on a holiday etc. in essence, they become tied down by your work schedule and resentments can tend to build up, although in this case it's good that they have offered.

ChippingInLatteLover · 20/10/2014 01:55

There's no harm in giving it a go is there?

It's not uncommon for children to have a day with each set of granparents and a couple in nursery, so I don't see it's any different for the children.

It's your sanity I'd be most concerned about

ChippingInLatteLover · 20/10/2014 01:57

The thing with family childcare is that they can't just take a day off if they don't feel like doing it/want to visit friends/go on a holiday etc

Of course they can, they simply need to ring one of the other grandparents to see if they can cover - it's idea from that pov.

Patienceisapparentlyavirtue · 20/10/2014 02:50

Will they all be at your place? That could be nice continuity. Like others here, I don't see it as such an issue especially if the pattern stays similar and as the care will be so one on one (vs the same turnover at a nursery).

Original poster

MATB1 · 20/10/2014 08:54

Wow thanks for all the replies.

I'd want them to be at our house yes, so that might help with consistency.

I'm not sure the three sets on rotation would work on a three day pw basis. DM still works part time (though for her own company so has flexibility) and MIL still works full time with Mondays and Tuesdays off plus every other weekend.

It is confusing and I spent much of the 18 months I was back at work doing spreadsheets for who had DD1 on what days and faffing around with them collecting and dropping off (often not on time ) so that's why with the two DDs I'd want it to be at my house.

I had considered childcare for the mornings and GPs for the afternoons... An extra complication is that if DD1 goes to preschool that starts at 9am and finishes at 12pm. Nursery for DD2 would start at 8am and finish at 1pm for a morning session. They are both only 5 mins walk from our house but in opposite directions. Plus, I think all three sets of GPs see looking after the DDs as a treat rather than as for childcare/help for us so I think I'll get some cats bum mouths and rolled eyes if they have to do all that running around.

The alternative to that would be for dd1 to stay at nursery and do 8-1 with DD2 and we just pay for the extra hours outside her funding. But - I think she'll prefer preschool over nursery at that point...

Gah. Such a palaver. Wish we could win the lottery!!

OP posts:

Original poster

MATB1 · 20/10/2014 09:02

I wonder if GPs doing Monday/Wednesday/Friday would be better, with either me or DH doing the Tuesday and Thursdays.

OP posts:

Picklewickle · 20/10/2014 11:49

Why would she prefer preschool to the preschool room of nursery? Mine went to both and they were just the same with different hours (and approaches, but that was down to the individual settings).

Notagainmun · 20/10/2014 16:09

I am a childminder and several of the children I have cared for come to me for two days a week and both grannies do one day each as mum only works four days. I see some of them on granny day at playground and they seem fine. They come over to me for a cuddle or say hello but understand from very little who is caregiver that particular day.

Original poster

MATB1 · 20/10/2014 17:50

There isn't a preschool room at nursery.

We went for a visit to preschool today and their view on multiple caregivers was that of they have good relationships with the grandparents anyway they shouldn't be phased.

So bloody hard knowing what's best to do...

OP posts:

Flip

1 2