3 sets of grandparents with each doing a day a week's childcare - too much??

[MATB1]

My parents are divorced/remarried and live close by, and PIL are a very short drive away.

I'm on mat leave with DD2 and already overthinking childcare for when I return to work.

With DD1 I did 4 days pw with her in nursery two days and then with one set of GPs the other two days on a three week rotation. I think this worked ok but I it took DD1 a long time before she comfortably went to her GPs because I think there was quite a long break in between seeing each one (we didn't always manage to see them socially in between their week of having her). I also think they spoiled her a bit too much for the same reason.

I don't yet know what work will want me to do but I suspect it will be four days pw (I would prefer three). If I have to do four then it's likely DH will also do four days and so either way we'd need 3 days childcare for the two DDs who will then be 3.6 and 12 months. The GPs have all intimated they would be happy to do a day a week each. I'm not convinced it's ideal though - here's my pros and cons

Pros

• time with people they love/love them
• gives DD1 the opportunity to move on to preschool because the GPs could do the drop-offs and pick ups (whereas DH and I won't be able to due to our working hours/commute).
• eliminates our childcare costs
• potentially less 'spoiling' of DDs as they would see them more

Cons

• I worry it would be too confusing and inconsistent to have a different care provider every day
• it's a big commitment for the GPs who are all in their 60s and I worry about it being too much for them as well as the logistical issues of finding alternate childcare if one is ill.
• DD2 'missing out' on nursery. I really think DD1 has learnt a lot from being at nursery and as DD2 is a July baby I'm keen for her to do the same in an attempt to minimize the supposed disadvantages of being a summer-born.
• selfishly, I think we'd have less willing weekend babysitters if the GPs were doing a day a week rather than the two days every three weeks as before (not that we go out a lot!!!)

Anyway I know I'm at risk of overthinking this but it's woken me up at 6am in the morning needing to get this off my chest. If anyone has been in a similar situation I'd be keen to hear...

My mum / mil definitely wouldn't want to have to be based at my house - are you sure yours are?

Shit wording, sorry - are you sure your parents etc will want to be based at your house?

Just think - they raised you / your dp presumably without problems so they'll be fine. Ds is 2 and knows where he's going each day and goes to each happily

I haven't discussed that with them yet so we'll see.

It's more that it was never a clean pick up or drop off. They'd always forget something at their houses or ask for DD1 to wear a particular pair of socks I shit you not or bring a particular book or DD1 would want to take her trike etc etc. Two sets of GPs were happy to buy nappies, one set wasn't. One set wanted snacks taken round there. One set drives a mini so getting the buggy in their car was a nightmare. So with two children I just think it would be easier all round if they are based out of our home. Sure the GPs can pop back to their houses with DDs if they want but I'd like them to primarily be at ours. The onus isn't then on me to remember the various combinations of equipment/food at each GPs house etc on top of everything else.

My childcare arrangements need to make my day easier, not harder and I'd like as much consistency as possible - which, with 3 sets of GPs is tricky in the first place. Ultimately I'll go with what we need rather than what does and doesn't suit them tbh. I know that sounds harsh and I'm very grateful for any help they can offer but it's only help if it helps if that makes sense. Would be great to eliminate childcare fees yes, but equally we are happy and able to pay for it if necessary.

I think that them coming to your house, is a whole different kettle of fish from them looking after your dc in their houses.

I can see it would be easier for you, but ultimately it's each of them doing you the favour, not the other way round. It's more of a commitment for them to be at yours all day - can't put their meal on to cook or hang the washing out, etc., when they get the opportunity. I think that's a really big ask.
The more you say, the more I'd get the bulk of the week paid for and sorted at Nursery, and keep your family for the other things - like when you need to go to the dentist, and when you want to go out, or if they are off Nursery 'sick', or even if you aren't feeling well and want a break. They will all be chomping at the bit then, and really keen to help you out.

I think the DC would probably be fine. I think it will be a complete nightmare from a logistical point of view though. It's just too many people. If the grandparents are all in couples then that's 8 different adults dealing with them each week, plus any nursery/pre-school staff.

If you can afford it I would just use a childminder or a nanny/nannyshare. DD1 can go to preschool, DD2 can get the head start with whatever it is you think she needs. It's one consistent caregiver. They can be looked after together (which I think is an advantage of having one at nursery and one somewhere else) and in a home environment. You've got the grandparents as back-up if the nanny/childminder is sick/on holiday. It would just be so much easier.

It depends very much on your parents, but we found having them come to us was just as stressful as us dropping at theirs. It was just a different set of stresses. I had to tidy up loads, buy food in for everyone's lunch, tea and snacks, check bread was 'nice' and fresh, everything had to be in the right place - bibs in the kitchen not the airing cupboard, pram in the hall not my car, enough nappies out because they didn't know the spare pack lived at the back of our wardrobe. They needed to know how to operate the heating - one day I found my mum sitting in her coat, but of course they didn't ring me or find the heating controller! So after that I had to remember to turn up the heating on days they were coming. It sounds petty written down but it added up and that was just with my mum!

Of course it's doable x3, and yours might well be easier than I found it, but it's not necessarily easy or convenient.

Thanks all. Some really good perspectives here.

As I say, they wouldn't have to stay put indoors at mine the whole day.

Overall it would be much cleaner to have a nanny/childminder/nursery... I found nursery the least stressful part of going back to work tbh.

But the GPs are very keen and we find having 3 sets difficult to juggle in our somewhat limited free time. So in a way, having them look after the DDs during the week means we are less obligated to see them of a weekend. I'm sure that sounds more callous than I mean it to be but it's hard seeing all of them equally and having time for ourselves.

I guess I need to see what work want me to do and go from there really.

If only I could stay home with my babies AND have a decent career.........