Nannies - ever feel like just the nanny?

[HappierThanEverBefore]

I currently work 3 part time jobs - absolutely love 2 of them but 1 I feel like just the nanny.

The 2 I love I feel part of the family & 1 of them even invites me to family days out & gatherings.

One of them literally just see me as someone who will tidy the house, cook the dinner & do all the things there are too lazy to do with their child. And refer to me as just the nanny.

I have done before, less the cba to do things with their child but more being "just the nanny". It's weird. I was live-in and it was like "oh, 7pm, time for you to go upstairs and disappear until 8am." It was never out rightly said but it was just awkward if I was downstairs, even if I was just making myself some food or a tea. And at weekends I'd wait until they went out to come down, grab as much food as I could and go back up if I was home, if they didn't go out I'd wait as long as possible before coming down to make myself food just to avoid it as I felt very much like I was intruding on family time and that they didn't want me there during that time. Again, never was said but I just got a vibe like I was interrupting something, iyswim? Most weekends I stayed with my best friend and we went camping or visiting nearby cities, I think it was all that time together that ended up with us getting together properly

I've had the opposite too, being too involved/close to a family. Both me and a family I worked for were having big financial difficulties, they were cutting my hours constantly and chopping/changing them because they were trying to cut costs but not get rid of me completely and I was trying to stay because I didn't want to let them down. They made me redundant eventually but I was going to hand in my notice when I next saw them (we had a few weeks break) because I couldn't do all the extra temping and bits on top of it and my other job any more, it was a horrible time and we were all very stressed. Thankfully it ended on a nice note once it was all out in the open and we're still in touch and I'm doing some ad hoc days this summer for them too :)

I am the nanny.

I am paid to do what you say - tidy up, care for the child etc.

I don't expect to be part of the family or attend family day trips/events.

In my current job - I like that my bosses ask about my weekend. But I don't expect it, it just sometimes comes up in conversation.

I was thinking of getting a nanny but this makes me worry a bit! A nanny is paid to look after the children? It's a job like any other. Interesting about the idea of paying a nanny to do 'what you are too lazy to do yourself'. Hmmm. Guess that goes for a cleaner too? A nanny is an employee I thought!

I have a cleaner but I still chat if I'm in, has to be said I'm normally at work, but surely if you where there you would chit chat, same with a nanny I assume!

Of course you make chit chat with anyone who comes to your home, but it's still an employer / employee relationship. When things become unprofessional, that's when you get problems and people don't know where they stand, what to expect etc.

I am the nanny, its what I get paid to be.

I love my job and my charges and my bosses are great but im not their family and they arent mine.

and I think its pretty rude to say you do the things they are to lazy to do, thats why they pay a nanny, my bosses hate doing homework so its part of my job to do it with the children, I also get paid to deal with the day to day drudgery of school runs, homework, cooking tea etc, yes that means that my bosses get the fun bits of bringing up children but on the other hand they also miss out on so much.

Sympathy from me Happier. I appear to be in similar position. I love activities and tutoring the children, however, feel I am used as cleaner on my one day with the family. Nursery duties absolutely fine but household should be parents responsibility.

I am an employee and aim to be professional. I do not socialise with families, as for me I like to keep professional distance, besides I have my own friends and family.

I have employees I think when a nanny lives in it would be more complicated though, where do you draw the line as it is their home?

Is it that the duties have changed? Getting the initial agreement right I feel is important.

Nannies are an employee, they should do as their employer tells them but should that mean things that were never in the original agreement? Things do change over the years though as children grow up, so some change in duties is to be expected. However if changes are happening early on, then that may be more a sign that the duties were not agreed during the recruitment process.

yummymumtobe - as you say, people need to know where they stand.

It's not just a job like any other though, it's a lot more personal I think. A nanny is in your personal space and you'd build a different type of relationship to one than, say an office worker and their boss, or a barman and their boss. There is a delicate balance in keeping the relationship professional but good and I think different nannies suit different families.

I wouldn't want to socialise with my families outside of work whilst I still worked for them though, because that makes the professional relationship more difficult, but equally I don't think I'd suit live-in nannying again as I don't want to feel like I'm interrupting the little time that the families get to see one another.

Working out what you do and what they expect before you start is a big help. I work three days for one family and it was made quite clear that I was to do housekeeping and basic gardening before I started.

I took the "things they are too lazy to do" as flippant tbh. There have been aspects to each of my jobs that are purely things that the parents aren't fans of doing themselves! Painting, gluing and generally getting messy, making mud pies, jumping in the pool in April, etc.

I disagree with the things "they are too lazy to do"! It has always been part of a nannies job to do all care for the children. A nanny is generally there the most part of the week, most nannies have child free time, nap times, nursery or school and can chuck a load in the machine, ironing, batch cooking (the amount of nannies I have met in my career of 28 years that bitch about their bosses using the spag Bol she made for the freezer! The parents paid for the food, they paid for the nannies time to cook it, why shouldn't they use it?!)

My charge sleeps for almost three hours a day, the morning nap is generally in the pram/car on the way to his classes and then 2/2.5 hours at lunch time. Twice a week I do two meals for the freezer and twice a week I iron, these take around an hour (I iron my bedding at work too!!) so I still have about hour a day to relax!

It also depends on the family, all the families I have worked for have seen me as part of the family, I still see/speak to most of my previous charges, have them to stay or do babysitting/weekends for them. That's the way I like it! My current family are great, I'm currently living in until separate accommodation is sorted out. They have no problem me hanging round in the evenings or weekends, they invite me to things they are doing, BBQ's/brunch at home. I went to his Cristening and will go to his birthday party on a Saturday afternoon. Sometimes I join them, some times I don't. I like my own space/company!! I think when you care for someone's pride and joy then it's different to an office/shop job. Most nannies care deeply for their charges, I adore all my charges! Even the one that is trying to bankrupt me!!! Most nannies go the extra mile for their employer, starting early/finishing late if the need arises, going in when they are ill (11 days off in 28 years, 3 for slipped disc, 2 for tooth abscess and 6 when I have gone to work then been sent home again as I looked like death!) picking up bread/milk/dry leaning etc. it's such a personal relationship. I like being part of the family, wouldn't want it any other way.

I'm guessing they just want their own private time with each other and their children. It gives you extra free time to enjoy. It's nice to feel part of the family, but also nice not to feel you need to spend your free time with them. I guess this is why different jobs suit different nannies.

Gosh caillard you're not me are you!!I also see most of my previous charges being Godmother to a baby born several years after I left ,Being invited to Sandhurst for an ex charges passing out ,he also asked me if I could come to work for him as his daughters nanny .I have also always gone to birthday parties at weekends .As caillard says we are part of the family .

Eury and Callaird - ditto - but that's coz we are older professional nannies and I think know when to back off and give space to families

I am part of the family in my jobs and that's what I want as nannying is so personal

A friend has recently started a new job and she is 'the nanny' ie hired help - and all other jobs she has been part of the family - and she finds it hard :(

eury That's quite lovely :)

I don't know why but I assumed that live-in jobs would mostly be like the one I was in, I was in one before where I was very much part of the family and loved it, but it was a much less formal position.

Since then I've had four live-out jobs, two professional but very friendly and two where I have felt like part of the family. As I mentioned up thread, I lost the balance on one entirely, but in this job I'm in MumBoss and I seem to have a nice balance. Finding the balance is something that I think we learn as we go? I find adults perplexing tbh but I think I've finally worked it out 5 years into nannying . At least with the family I'm with anyway!

I still don't think I'd see them outside of work except for special occasions until I finish with them, I adore the kids and my employers are brilliant but I'm wary of blurring those lines again. I may change my mind later on though, I do see my old employers occasionally since leaving them and have lunch with ex-MB and charge :)

Um interesting...I think being a nanny sort of changes as you get older...I started my 1st job in London as a 21 year old and was definitely 'the nanny'.....now I am much older, I wouldn't go for this sort of job...without sounding smug...I interview parents as much as they do me!!...I am like a grandma to the charges....and a Godmother to one also...
And sort of agree that SOME parents do use you to do things that they are too lazy to do.....I was made to keep the house spotless, toys away, no biscuits, strict list of foods, change them straight away if any dirt on their clothes....but on my W/E off, did THEY do any of this!!!!

Hmm as a nanny employer I can see both sides.

I would NEVER refer to (or think of ) our nanny as "just the nanny", she is so important to our lives and we think she is great.

However I also wouldn't invite her to family days out. Actually I wouldn't expect her to want to come - she has her own life at the weekends surely.

Yes I do sometimes expect my nanny to do more than I would do myself - for example I let DD watch TV sometimes at the weekends whereas I wouldn't want our nanny to do that in the week except occasionally - but there is a big difference which is that it is my weekend and I am trying to get other stuff done and have a bit of a break from work, whereas in the week our nanny is not expected to do anything other than focus on DD and she has her own weekends to get jobs done and have a break. Is this "asking her to do stuff I am too lazy to do" - maybe.

So OP I think some of the things your 3rd employer does (like calling you "just the nanny") are wrong but I think it's expecting a bit much to want to be asked to family outings.

I wouldn't want to be asked on family days out - I do have a life lol - but would expect an invite if birthday party for child falls on weekend /day I'm not working

If I'm free I would go if busy I wouldn't / but would want an invite

The woman who was my DC's nanny for 9 years is one of my closest friends, still a massive part of my DC's lives and her own children and mine are so so close. She still does some baby sitting and holidays days for me. Not really because I need her to but because the children beg to see her and her DC! I took 3 of her DC on a day out last week too

It is the lovliest relationship that they all have and I am so glad she came into our lives. I would be lost without her and she is so much than "just" an anything

Yes blondes we did invite our nanny to DD's bday last year. But not family outings, somehow that is different...

Nope I am very selective and careful about the jobs I take. I am a professional career nanny and I'm always treated as such. Plus I look after tiny baby's and all my employers have treated me like family.

Don't work for people who dont respect you!

And why not mini - do you not want your nanny on the beach /park/lunching with you?

You know what blondes I actually wouldn't mind (well not if it was occasionally)! But I think she would...!

I agree that I would not want to go out when they were out on family trips ,as people above have said most of us are very busy at weekends,however my employers do tell me if the children are competing at the weekend as I do like to go to watch them if I am able ,sorry they are gymnasts