Would this reference put you off employing this nanny?

[Tentimesten]

So we second interviewed a prospective nanny recently, went well, and I gave her positive vibes and said I needed to check her references and would let her know next week.

She has lots of written refs (about 5) and they are all good. I have now spoken to 3 of these referees and one person (who she was employed by for 2 years) was absolutely 100% glowing (they all loved her, grandparents loved her etc), one was pretty positive (although only employed there for 6 months) but the other, although having given a positive written reference (using phrase 'fantastic nanny', although looking back, written ref is quite carefully worded eg. nanny let go because of 'change of circumstances') was quite negative on the phone. She emphasised the nanny's good points - eg. punctual, reliable, no sick days, good cooking, no concerns about children's safety at all, followed instructions, but felt that she wasn't creative enough and didn't strike up a good rapport with her children, didn't have enough zest or use initiative to think up activities, every day was the same and she was concerned her children weren't being stimulated enough. She said the nanny wasn't fun enough and her son didn't bond with her at all. She did say that it was probably just a personality thing and that she could be a good nanny for another family. Interestingly the other positive reference said that she has asked the nanny to use her initiative more and the nanny had really tried but in the end the mum had just suggested activities each day and the nanny had followed through on that really well and done what the mum had said.

There are still two referees who haven't called me back yet - one of whom she was with for 6 years so I haven't made a decision yet. But of course hearing a negative reference does put me off.

I'm really torn about what to do - it sounds like the lack of creativity etc is the other side of the same coin of following instructions to the letter, being v calm and unflappable etc (all of which I like). I'm worried though we will regret it if we take her on and she is not able to engage my son (same age as the son of the employer who gave a negative ref) but I'm also worried we might not find anyone else as good, as she is very experienced and has long connections with previous families. Nanny told me she has two other job offers but is keen to work for us and I said I would let her know by Monday after speaking to referees.

Any thoughts?

If it's one negative out of six when you hear back fr

From the other I wouldn't pay too much attention to the negative

Or perhaps discuss with the nanny?

I think I would ask her about it.

Also, can you cope if you do end up having to give instructions for most activities? Are you creative? Would it provide a balance or will it just be a pain?

She sounds like a good nanny. I wonder of she is more creative etc in the right environment?

I would not be worried about this tbh. It sounds like you liked her, she is more than competent, is reliable and has plenty of experience. Why don't you ask her to spend a day with you so that you can see how she interacts with your ds? Perhaps a day out somewhere where you can step back a bit. The creativity wouldn't worry me really at all.

No nanny will be perfect and it sounds like you are building up a good picture of her strengths and weaknesses. She sounds like a good nanny overall to me. Reliability would be v v important to many employers and a good cook is a bonus!

Thanks for replies! Thing is, I'm not particularly creative myself and actually don't think children need constant adult stimulation and my elder child will be going to preschool 5 mornings per week, so plenty of creative stuff there BUT elder child has an additional need for which he has Occupational Therapy and nanny will need to engage him in activities to help implement a home programme. Potential nanny is aware of this and seemed happy with it, and activities will be suggested by OT but some creative thinking/initiative on this side of things would be very valuable to get my son engaged. TBH this is the main thing that is worrying me as it's important year for my son.

But that said we've not interviewed anyone I liked as much yet.

I think the creativity thing is a bonus, if you are prepared to spend a bit of time researching projects for her to do with your DC's, then you will be fine.
She sounds great to me; reliability is the key

SquidgyMummy - X-post that is kind of what I feel as well! That it will work if I research and lay out activities etc. Which I can do, and maybe I will like having that control over matters.

Explain situation to OT and ask him/her for more input / support / resources. Have nanny in on the meetings so that she is clear what she needs to do.

If you make up your mind, I would call her this evening,(when she is not at work.) Explain your concerns about it being an important year for your DS and offer solutions. If she has other offers, you need to show that you value her

I am not a creative nanny and if asked what my weakness is I always say that. Happy to do play dough painting etc but I don't have ideas and activites - to me that's more in a nursery/pre school

Has never effected me getting a job

How long was she in the 'negative' ref job ?

Tbh the key things to me would be reliable punctual good cook etc

As your older child needs activites maybe there are websites you can both look on or check with their ot helper

What type if things do you do with him?

Thanks Blondes - I recognise your username (have been a bit of a lurker!), and you sound like a great nanny from your posts !

She was in the negative ref job for 6 months.

We do stuff to help gross and fine motor skills - so a lot of structured activities eg. peg board, theraputty and things like stepping stones in the garden. The creative thinking/initiative side of things might apply if DS refuses to engage with the first activity we suggest, so we might need to think laterally to make things really fun and not a chore. So if you suggest 'shall we play with play doh' he might say no, but if you say, 'shall we make pancakes with play doh and then cut them with a knife and give them to teddy', he would love that.

Aww shucks tent thank you :)

Think I've been on mn about 8yrs / feels like a lifetime lol

Have a trial day and see how things go an if ok

I would employ her and together you can work on activites for ds

tentimesten I think you need to find out from her past employers if she is 'not creative' or 'lazy'. Hopefully she is much like you, not creative but able to come up with things to get your DS to do what he needs to do. All the other attributes are important - reliable, good at sorting meals for the boys, on time, responsible etc

I am not creative - but I will facilitate their creativity, I hate making up stories but I will read for hours if they want to - I will be a bear in the woods and chase them around, but I wont play 'you say this, I'll say that' type games. I will be the vet/mummy/policewoman etc but I will buy a fancy dress outfit rather than make one.

However, you need to find out if 'not creative, needs direction' means just that or if it means 'spent all her time on her phone not engaging with the children but can make a good lasagne'.

Good luck

I think it's definitely worth chasing up those other references.
Sometimes nannies take on jobs that don't turn out to be what they expected.

I have a previous employer who would probably give a very similar reference. We had a two week handover period, during that time she wouldn't let me near her son, therefore how was I supposed to build a relationship with him. Even once the handover was finished she would work from home a lot more than I expected, but she wouldn't be working. Every idea that I had she would veto it therefore my initiative was being stamped on. I tried talking to her about it, but she wouldn't listen.

Thanks for the new replies. Toomuch - I'm pretty much certain that she's not lazy as all the other refs say she is hard working and even the negative ref said she was conscientious and efficient and that she would follow instructions to the letter.

I'm really, really torn on what to do, especially as I've said I'll give her a decision by Monday. I've still not heard back from other refs and am going to chase them later. Thanks for your perspective Deelish - the negative Mum did work from home which didn't help matters. I will mostly be out of the house but will be working from home a bit but am usually quite good at staying out of the way.

Follow instructions to the letter, not using initative. It is the latter which I feel is more the problem. They are great if you micro manage them but if you want to let them get on with it, the references seem to be saying they are not so good.

What sort of nanny do you need? Someone who you want to tell what to do all the time, or someone who will do spontaneous things as to your children's request.

Sure you need someone who will do as you tell them when that is necessary but do you need someone who won't use their own initiative and find things to do, places to go that fit with your children's interest at that time?

I've had other employers who have worked from home before and yes it can be difficult for the nanny and confusing for the child but we worked at it together and I stayed in their employment for years. With this one she told me she didn't want to work and would rather be a SAHM.

Would it be worth mentioning to potential nanny what her previous employer had said and see if she can shed any light on it?

When they said not creative, what did they mean? I would take not being creative to mean arts/crafts activities. But did they mean that she wasn't able to plan her day or any kind of activities-ie playgroups/music activities/days out without some level of micromanagement and a lot of suggestions from employers?
If its the arts/crafts then you just need to decide how much that would bother you. I am not a creative nanny in that way-I will happily get the paints/glue/glitter etc out but I do it in a kid led way and not an adult one. I find once they start nursery/school then they are a lot more dictated to over things like that, so use home arts/crafts as a free play(under supervision) type thing. But I don't need micromanagement/suggestions at all and fill our days with the right amount of outside/inside activities and playdates etc but am also a big believer in children amusing themselves at times and not needing adult attention 24/7.
My current boss would prob say that I am not creative. I think that is the one thing she would change about me. The children went to day nursery before I started, where they did a lot of adult led arts/crafts activities(ie it was actually mainly the adults work with a tiny bit of help from the child themselves) and so my boss is very into that and doesn't see the point in the pictures where the child has painted something which(in adult eyes) doesn't look anything like anything other than lots of scribbles on paper

From what you have said, I think she will be a good fit for your family.

Thinking laterally to find a solution is entirely different to being 'creative'.

She has a lot of positive attributes and so if the worst come to the worst and you have to help her work out how to get DS to do something he doesn't want to do, it's not going to be the end of the world is it? Much better than than a nanny who will go from one creative thing to another but leave the house a tip, produce beans on toast every night for dinner and call in sick when she breaks a finger nail. One extreme to the other I know - but just trying to highlight what is important here and frankly (for me anyway) 'creativity' is not the top of the list.

I've read this thread, but only quickly, so sorry if this has already been said, but it's worth looking at where the weaker references fall in terms of her career. For example, if it was earlier in her career you might expect her to show less initiative and have fewer creative ideas, she may well have picked up on these things that were once her weaknesses and improved on them.

Oh dear, on my phone and that's come out as gibberish! What I meant to say was to give more weight to her most recent 2 years of experience. Few people start off great in their chosen careers, most of us start out enthusiastic and then fill in the gaps as we go. Nannying, I'm guessing, is the same.

I also think it's worth considering at not all nannies and families "click". If a job is obviously not working then I think to leave sooner rather than later is the better thing to do. However, sometimes you feel like you need to give it more of a chance.

Six months in a nanny job is not a long time, and depending on whether the nanny left or whether she was let go, it does suggest that it wasn't the right fit. If the vast majority of her references are positive then I would go by those. If more than one is picky over one aspect of her personality, then I wouldn't worry.

So we are doing a trial tomorrow 1/2 day to see how it goes - any tips for what to do on the trial?

Feeling really stressed about this whole thing as don't want to make the wrong decision!