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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Badly let down by nanny in 2nd week of work

75 replies

merchm24 · 31/07/2014 22:09

We have had a major blow - the nanny we thought was wonderful and had done a very thorough background check on, has just flaked out and not shown up for work in her second week. I have tried repeatedly to reach her by phone, text and email to find out what went wrong but she actually hung up on me today. I am speechless. DH and I thought she was great, her references were amazing, and she seemed happy. We were bending over backwards to be generous and fair with her. What happened?? we have a lovely little 2 year old and I now feel like I can't trust anyone. Can you imagine if she had taken him away and we were not able to reach her as she was not picking up her phone?? I feel like there must be good nannies out there, but we have had 2 bad experiences so far (the first one spent far too much time on her phone and Skyping). Help, am so depressed and anxious.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

allisgood1 · 01/08/2014 14:40

I agree with others that she's a flake. Can you join childcare.com and find someone?

NatashaBee · 01/08/2014 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

merchm24 · 01/08/2014 14:45

I love this site !! Thank you so much for all your replies as they all make me see what happened from a different angle.

Just to clarify, she sent me a text msg just before she was due to start work saying she was not coming in and then no contact for 48 hours.

The sequel is that I have sent her several emails/texts now to ask whether we can talk and perhaps we can find a solution as we still need someone and we previously thought she was great. I also wanted to see whether she was really apologetic and somehow all could be forgiven. But I needed to see her face to face to guage whether she is lying or not. She has not responded to my messages, and then last night at midnight she gave me a very convoluted story about how she was out of pocket all day because she was at a government agency with a family member, no phones allowed etc etc .

So, I give up. At the end of the day, I don't trust her. And that has got to be the absolute minimum thing you look for in a nanny.

Many thanks everyone.

OP posts:

TwelveLeggedWalk · 01/08/2014 16:07

If you don't trust her you're right, that's the end of the conversation.

Hypothetically even if you did believe her, frankly she's clearly crap in a crisis and doesn't think logically, so I wouldn't want her looking after my children for that reason either. Next!

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/08/2014 16:11

So she did text you saying she wouldn't be in but not saying why

If she said along the lines of I'm sorry I need next two days off. MY close friend is seriously ill in hospital and needs me etc / then would have made more sense in not contacting you for the next 48hrs

Only you can decide what to do

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/08/2014 16:12

Whoops end I message dissapeered

Only you can decide what to do and think you are making the right sev soon.

Trust is fundement

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/08/2014 16:13

Ffs. Decision

BalloonSlayer · 01/08/2014 16:15

Agree she is a flake.

Also at the "we offered to pay for her broken phone screen as she dropped it when DS lunged at something and she got distracted" - sounds like another one on her phone all the time when she was supposed to be supervising DS.

LIZS · 01/08/2014 16:16

Dear me, she either has a very complicated personal life which is going to take precedence or she is covering something else up with fanciful stories. Either way think the basic level of trust is broken. Have you spoken to whoever recommended her to establish if this is her normal behaviour or to shed any light ? dare I ask, FB ?

Original poster

merchm24 · 01/08/2014 16:28

I understand that people have emergencies, but all the posts here have been really helpful in solidifying my thinking. It is how she dealt with it that was terrible.

The only issue now is whether to notify her referees who I spoke to and who gave her such amazing references. Do I simply drop them a short email to let them know that this happened (just a 3 liner, I don't want to end up in lengthy discussions with them) or just let this go and move on?

OP posts:

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 01/08/2014 16:32

Bloody hell! Back in the Dark Ages when I was a full-time nanny to three kids I was never late (8am to 8pm) and never took a day off at short notice either. And that wasn't necessarily because the family depended on me because both of the couple were working, as the mother was at home for most of the day. It was because they treated me decently and I had respect for them.

None of the other nannies I met would have behaved like the one you have described either.

She's a flake and a liar. Most likely because she has a rather rackety life-style kept hidden.

Sack her and hire a temp nanny until you find someone decent and reliable. A job looking after only one two year old child is the perfect scenario. Not like three kids: one at home all day, one in nursery in the mornings and another full-time at primary school. I'd never done so much walking to and fro!

Original poster

merchm24 · 01/08/2014 17:01

How do you go about finding one of these mythical nannies who work hard, are honest and pleasant and actually like their jobs??!! Please let me find one soon. I will only use agencies now, I am hoping this will help.

Do you think I should let her referees know what happened?

OP posts:

LIZS · 01/08/2014 17:37

I would notify the recommender on the basis that she probably wasn't such a good one . Referees can only speak for their own experience, maybe she never let them down as she ahs you , for whatever reason. She probably won't ever mention that she was employed by you on her CV but presumably you do need to officially notify her that her services are no longer required and pay minimal notice according to contract.

Itsfab · 01/08/2014 17:50

Better to find out now rather than later and worrying about her not answering the phone having taken your child is a waste of time. If it happened you would call the police and it seems she doesn't want to work for you and/or look after him so that wouldn't have happened.

I was phoned up at the beginning of week two and told not to come back. The mother mumbled a load of bollocks about why. I knew what the real reason was and it really hurt. Still does now but I know it was her problem and failing, not mine.

Good luck next time.

Don't be so eager to please next time would be my advice. A less than mature and pleasant person will take advantage of that.

Why is she telling you she is pout of pocket all day? Whatever the reason for that it isn't your fault.

Blondeshavemorefun - I am sorry to hear about your mum's passing .

Itsfab · 01/08/2014 17:54

When I was looking for a nanny job I found The Lady magazine much better than any agency. Most parents should want to check references themselves so think about what you are actually paying the agency to do.

Itsfab · 01/08/2014 17:56

I wouldn't pay her notice, what with you not giving her any!

Goldmandra · 01/08/2014 18:07

You don't just not turn up for work with no communication because a friend is in hospital. You find reception or ask to use the phone on the ward if you really cannot leave their bedside for a few minutes.

I wouldn't give her another chance TBH.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/08/2014 19:00

thanks its fab

op, move out of london, many famillies do that and move to my part of kent and commute and you could have me, or many like minded nannies like myself :)

SERIOUSLY YOU WILL FIND A DECENT NANNY, whoops hit caps, are yopu paying the going rate?

eurycantha · 01/08/2014 21:04

I have been in my present job for 6years and never been late ,if a nanny is Ill or perhaps has car problems while still vomiting or before the phone call toAA we should be ringing our boss to tell them.I do think that in this case an employer comes before waiting in a hospital,I can understand going to the hospital but why didn't she find a pay phone and have the decency to tell you.I think that this should tell you what sort of nanny she would be .look for someone else.Waves to Blondes.

Friedbrain · 01/08/2014 22:22

Where is West London are you based?

PowerPants · 02/08/2014 01:51

Blondes, sorry about your mum, what a shock for you.

And OP, we have had an issue like this in the past with a fake excuse, it's horrible and you start thinking that every other nanny is like that but they're not. You have been unlucky.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/08/2014 08:07

I'm kinda dithering now - coz of my experience - thanks power pants total shock and I miss my mum so much :(

Op - you said nanny texted you. So least she let you know and didn't just not turn up

What excalty did she say? Maybe her mind wasn't all there - depending how friend was and she should have said why not turning
UP

I agree some friends are worth more then family

and I didn't send any texts or take calls while I was in icu

If she is in contact now I think you both need to have a chat and then decide

jaynebxl · 02/08/2014 08:15

Doesn't sound like she wanted to carry on working for the op since she hasn't exactly come back grovelling. And I absolutely would let her referees know.

Original poster

merchm24 · 02/08/2014 17:40

Blondes, she did text, but just before she was due to show up to ask could she have the day off to visit friend. I said I needed her in the morning but she could have the afternoon off and that is when I didn't hear from her for 48 hours.

I did try texting/emailing/calling all day after she got in touch finally, to say say all could be forgiven, could we please talk, as we still needed her but no response until midnight. Her excuse for not answering her phone ALL DAY was that she was with her family member helping them with govt agency visit etc etc.

Bottom line, I don't know whether she is a serial liar. Surely not a good start! So i am interviewing now through agencies.

And I meant to say so sorry about your mum, you must miss her so much.

OP posts:

Friedbrain · 03/08/2014 16:12

Where abouts are u based?

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