Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Badly let down by nanny in 2nd week of work

75 replies

merchm24 · 31/07/2014 22:09

We have had a major blow - the nanny we thought was wonderful and had done a very thorough background check on, has just flaked out and not shown up for work in her second week. I have tried repeatedly to reach her by phone, text and email to find out what went wrong but she actually hung up on me today. I am speechless. DH and I thought she was great, her references were amazing, and she seemed happy. We were bending over backwards to be generous and fair with her. What happened?? we have a lovely little 2 year old and I now feel like I can't trust anyone. Can you imagine if she had taken him away and we were not able to reach her as she was not picking up her phone?? I feel like there must be good nannies out there, but we have had 2 bad experiences so far (the first one spent far too much time on her phone and Skyping). Help, am so depressed and anxious.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

CafeAuLaitMerci · 01/08/2014 07:00

What did she say in her initial text?

'Not showing up for work' and texting to say she cannot come to work aren't really the same thing - it's not as if she just didn't turn up.

You are nit picking between family & friends - I have some friends I would go to the ends of the earth for (and them me) and some family I'm not terribly fussed about.

matildasquareded · 01/08/2014 07:00

Don't give her a second chance!

Her story is absolutely crazy. Imagine if you had a friend rushed to hospital, and you wanted to be with her. Once you got your friend to the hospital, the first thing you'd do is step outside and call your boss to say you'd be late/out of work. And you'd keep contacting your boss until you got through. It's not the same as being at the hospital with a sick child and being too distraught to go outside even for a minute.

I was once at the hospital with my partner overnight and as soon as it got to be a decent hour to text I started contacting my colleagues, letting them know what had happened. It's just what normal people do.

You know there's no friend in the hospital. This person is a lying nut. Find someone else.

Although for fun you might want to offer to drive her to the hospital to visit her friend again. What was the illness she had again? Oh, an injury to the left falange? Sounds serious!

matildasquareded · 01/08/2014 07:02

As I understood it she just didn't show one day and only responded to texts afterwards, am I right?

LadyCybilCrawley · 01/08/2014 07:10

One Day I would understand - stuff happens

Two days ? absolutely not

A reliable mature person could have texted you at a minimum at end of first day

Two scenarios:

Story is true and she handled it very poorly

Story is not true and she was out of pocket for a day and a half

Either way, I would not continue business relationship

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 01/08/2014 07:10

Sack her! She's a flake. Even if there is a sick friend she still should have called or text you. No excuse for that. She left it for more than 24 hours after she should have been at work before getting in touch, she wasn't by their bedside mopping their fevered brow for all that time.

Cindy34 · 01/08/2014 07:14

Not clear when text was sent or if OP replied to the text. Though by the sounds of it, as far as OP was concerned they just didn't turn up to work and no contact for over a day.

CountBapula · 01/08/2014 07:17

If I can't make it into my office for whatever reason, I'm expected to let them know as soon as humanly possible - ie first thing in the morning.

I also wouldn't be given time off work for a sick friend. If it were my child, partner or parent, maybe. But for a friend I expect I'd have to take holiday.

Just because she works for your family and not a company doesn't mean she can just take time off whenever she wants. She's your employee.

I'd definitely get rid.

bigkidsdidit · 01/08/2014 07:25

You can't stay in hospital overnight also can you? With a friend not a child? If she didn't text till 1pm on the second day she is really taking the piss

Does it have to be a nanny, op, would you consider nursery?

Ragwort · 01/08/2014 07:30

Do not believe her, I had a very similar story given to me by an employee (not a nanny) a couple of weeks ago.

I just don't believe that people can't find two minutes to make a very quick phone call - and yes, I have been in hospital with a desperately ill child.

LadyCybilCrawley · 01/08/2014 07:35

Yes I was told a story - that the person's grandmother had a stroke and couldn't speak English and the person had to go at short notice to translate at the hospital and was extremely upset about their poor grandmother to whom they were exceptionally close and who basically raised them

Turned out there was no grandmother and the employee had been arrested for hitting someone and, at the time in question, was in jail

It's the lying that does the damage - everyone occasionally makes bad choices or stuffs up - but lying about it makes it worse

jaynebxl · 01/08/2014 07:37

Maybe safer to use an agency next time? I don't think I would be giving her a second chance!

jaynebxl · 01/08/2014 07:37

Maybe safer to use an agency next time? I don't think I would be giving her a second chance!

Finola1step · 01/08/2014 07:44

I too think she is flaky.

Many times I have had to rush to a hospital due to my mum or dad being very poorly. Many, many hours waiting in A and E or in the family room of ICU.

I've always been able to step out to make a quick call to my DH and work to let them know what's going on. Usually when I need a loo break!

Her story is nonsense. It is very possible that her friend was in hospital. If so, the lack of communication shows that her job was far from her mind. Not ideal.

If you give her another chance, make it the absolute last one. Any whiff of shenanigans, give notice. Consider extending her probationary period if you can.

Messygirl · 01/08/2014 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeiraGomez · 01/08/2014 09:01

Maybe unlikely, but the friend could have been a partner? Some people are very private, especially if the partner is same-sex. Just a thought. Still, the fact that you're asking shows you instinctively want to give her another chance. If she was great at her job then go for it. But you have to be entirely comfortable and some of your previous comments suggest you're a little bit shaken up and worried about your child.

Ragwort · 01/08/2014 09:28

But even if the friend is a partner I still cannot comprehend a situation where someone cannot make a quick phone call or at least ask someone else to phone your employer. Sorry to sound blunt but I have sit with people who are dying and there are still occasions where you have to leave the room and make a call/use the toilet/get a drink etc etc.

MissMooMoo · 01/08/2014 09:41

do not give her a second chance! I cant imagine going 2 days and no contacting my employer to say I wouldn't be able to go into work....in any other profession this would be unheard of!

my dp was assaulted last year by a stranger and had to be taken to a&e, he had to have scans of his brain and police interview etc. I stayed with him for most of it but eventually went home so I could have enough time to go to work the next day. she is prioritising her friend iver her job....understand that hospital stay will be stressful but if they are in hospital they are getting care.

FlorenceMattell · 01/08/2014 09:50

Agree with others. Not communicating with you is not good. You can find a better nanny.

HolgerDanske · 01/08/2014 09:55

I do actually agree that the relationship will never be right now as you will be unable to trust her. And I also misunderstood and thought she was in touch the evening of the same day which I thought was quite plausible and probably acceptable in a potential crisis situation. But no, she sounds flaky and you can find a better nanny.

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus · 01/08/2014 11:14

This would be a deal breaker for me.

Viviennemary · 01/08/2014 11:19

I can see why you are upset that the nanny is not answering the phone and has let you down. But she hasn't got your child with her so I don't think you can assume she wouldn't answer the phone if she had. But putting the phone down is really silly and immature behaviour so she certainly isn't the right person for you.

fackinell · 01/08/2014 11:39

I wouldn't give her another chance. It all sounds a bit iffy.

Try some of the local website discussion forums:

hammersmithw6.com
chiswickw4.com etc.

There are links to others on the home page. Most parents I know in that area use these to find nannies. But put a post on the forum, the job section isn't updated regularly enough.

Panzee · 01/08/2014 11:45

Even if it was true a sensible person would have got hold of a phone - e.g on the ward- and called you. Or organised something so she could come to work. People who drop their commitments to help others end up being unreliable at work. I used to work with one of these people and was constantly picking up her slack because she had other priorities. Might be harsh but you need someone who is ultra reliable.

Bettercallsaul1 · 01/08/2014 14:04

Agree with CafeAuLaitMerci that it shouldn't be held against the nanny that it was a friend, rather than a relative, who figured in her mission of mercy - the fact that she had close friendships like this would actually be a point in her favour for me.

However, what is inexcusable, and frankly unbelievable, is that she couldn't spare a couple of minutes to let you know what was going on. As other posters have said, even in dire life-or-death situations, there is still a need for snatched and brief communication with the outside world. Life goes on outside the crisis situation and it sounds as if, here, you and your family simply ceased to exist while this situation was going on. That is assuming that the story was true - it does strain credulity somewhat! Whichever explanation you accept, I don't think you could ever trust her again and it would be best to draw a line with her.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/08/2014 14:36

Just read this and she's a flake and don't employ her again

As others have said she could have found 5 mins to send a text either in hospital or when going home or rang you

I did excaltly this 2 weeks ago and my circumstances much worse

My mum was in hospital over the weekend - Very late Monday evening she was put in a coma - I texted mb at 2am to say sorry but wouldn't be in work Tuesday or rest of week. Felt awful letting her down

Mb was fine. Sadly my mum died 36hrs later. Again I let mb know hat was happening

It was a very hard emotional time but is till had the respect and professionalism to let my employers know

Look for another nanny. Sure in London you will find many wanting a 4 day week

Flip

1 2 3