Micro-managed nanny

[FantasticFeeling]

I started a new job several months ago. It is well paid for 60 hours a week. My gripe is that the children's day is structured down to the last minute by Mum. I am not to vary the schedule. Mum and Dad also work from home more than they said. I have 10 years of experience. I have not had this in my previous two posts. I could just continue to be micro-managed and be unhappy or .............

I had to pop back on .nannies know how much our charges mean to their parents and any thing my bosses ask me to do for their children is of coarse absolutely fine but when we talk about micro managing we are not talking about our employers asking us to cook more veggies ,change beds today or maybe get the paddling pool out.It s the nutty ones who we have probably all come across and they are not going to be the employers who have kept an a nanny for a reasonable length of time.i have had jobs, two of ten years and one of six as well as others,our job is about give and take if my boss asked me to do anything for the children I would of course do it,but the problem the OP began with is the way some parents ask/tell you,not respecting you as someone who they are paying a lot of money to to and should be trusting to do what you would want done for your little beasties, then jump down our throat if a teddy bear is on the floor when they walk in the door.

Little beasties is a term of affection.he he.

to give (another) parents perspective, i think its reasonable to give a rough day plan e.g when meal and nap times should be, i would also expect nanny to do the best thing for the children. e.g last week in that really hot weather one of our friends nanny took the children to a soft play, as a parent i wouldn't want to be paying for soft play on a really hot day when there are loads of nice garden toys at home and a shady garden or a couple of other local options including a shady walk to a pond/ farm or a couple of nice parks. i am a big believer in fresh air, so would be making sure at interview we had similar philosophies?

I don't think I would mind if I had an employer who laid out specific clothes, left certain foods out for me to use, gave me a weekly list of activities they wanted their children to partake. At least I would know where I stood.
For me it was the allowing me to choose and then deciding it wasn't good enough. Whilst she 'corrected' my choices (and I am talking about which t-shirt to wear, what carrots to use when cooking, etc) time would be cracking on, we'd end up being late (and her sometimes blaming me for it) and I would end up feeling stressed and inadequate. Who needs that?

To be honest I would assume that a schedule handed to me in the morning was meant as a guideline, not an imperative. (With the understanding that naps and meals remain as fixed points.)

So if the schedule reads 10-11:30 colouring/crafts, but then the kids are hyper and/or it's gorgeous out, surely you can just say, "I'm going to take them for a walk instead since it's lovely out and they clearly need some energy burning off."

What happens if you do things like that? Have you tried it? It could be that the parents would just shrug and say, "Fine."

People don't like to be micromanaged. Nannies don't like to be micromanaged. You can feel as a parent that you are paying the nanny and they're your children therefore you have the right to micromanage, and you probably do. Unfortunately for you, and your children, nannies have the right to resign and they will do, again and again. Your children will be better off with one nanny who sometimes gives them lunch 15 minutes late or uses the 'wrong' carrots than a constant stream of miserable nannies who all last 3-6 months and then can't stand it anymore.

It's also really not good for children to be 'managed' to that level.

See I was happy that my nanny took the kids to soft play last week - it was virtually empty and the children were getting fed up with the fierceness of the sun last week and were coming home from days in the park grumpy and tired (they are both v fair and burn easily).

I think it just goes to show that perfectly sensible people can reach two different conclusions about the same issue - and both can be legitimate. Personally on that one I would let my nanny decide (our soft play is v cheap so money not really the issue) just because when I'm not there she's in charge and I'm not sure I really care that much as long as I know they are being looked after

Quangle

I agree. We did the museums towards the end of last week as kids were grumpy and hot. I'm a bit of a fanatic about sun safety. I am a reasonable, sensible adult too and I'm sure mum would have preferred me to do that than bring home sunburnt kids. In a normal working relationship between mum and nanny, communication means issues shouldn't arise.

As outraged said, no one likes to be micromanaged.

Ditto about soft play if really hot. Means it's empty :)

As a younger nanny I had an employer who liked to micro manage and things like

8 breakie
9 toy play or walk
10 crafts or cooking ie at home
11 nap
12.39 lunch

She rang the home phone at 10am and I didn't answer and she left a screeching message on the ansa machine asking why I wasn't there - how date I go out when meant to be home play etc - I was in the toilet

Handed my notice in that night - I lasted a week. Next nanny was a month
Etc etc

Goodness I have used a nanny for odd days and I have loved the fact that there was someone obviously capable of making good decisions so I could go to work without having to plan everything. Surely this is one of the best bits of having a nanny.

im in a situation where there is an elderly relative who cannot care for the child but lives in the home permanently and actively refuses to let me do my job (e.g. takes dc out of bes because she wants him to go to bed later, gives the dc (2!!!) coffee before bed, has a go at me for not letting dc do very dangerous stuff e.g. climbing in glass dinner table etc)

basically whatever the parents have told me to do she doesnt agree with so tries to make me follow her

sorry for hijacking its driving me crazy!!!!!!!! dont know what to do either.... I have 8 years experience in nannying, specialising in dc's age plus am nearly finished a childcare degree....

One of my first long term employers made it clear at interview that she was hiring me to care for the children and she expected me to make decisions about the children's routine and would not want me calling her at work every day as a colleagues nanny did.

I was once asked by a nervous new mum what nannies did all day. I asked her if she was good at her job. She answered yes so I explained that I was also good at my job and my job, was caring for children. I said that I aimed to do everything the mother would do for the child without trying to take the mothers place.

I worked for both these ladies long term and am still in touch even though the children are grown up.

Of course we take on board what the parents want but we are not babysitters and don't need to be told how to prepare food or how to perform basic childcare. We are used to entertaining small children. Most of us have done lots of training/qualifications to make us better at out jobs.

We get registered and complete paediatric first aid and public liability. please treat us as professionals

primary, I've also done the elderly relative twice in fact. One was a sweet and genuinely helpful old gentleman in a household I still visit and the other an elderly woman who was a nightmare who made it plain she thought (staff) were beneath her and tried to do dangerous things with the children who were 2 and 5 years old

I 've have elderly relatives visit .On one occasion I came out into the hall and Grandpa was laid out on the stairs,,shocked I dashed over asking are you ok?turned out he was admiring the wood on the. new staircase.He tipped me £10 when he left.

Sunshine nanny, if you spoke to me in the patronising way you spoke to the 'nervous' mum I'd have kicked your arse out of the door. Arrogance and nannying are a bad combination.

We never controlled too much. Just had no smacking, healthy food etc. When I worked at home with a later nanny she took the children out most days just about all day to be with her nanny friends which I thought was fine as it suited her and meant the children were not in the way at home.

A good while ago one nanny used to have them sleeping too much in the day so they were very active late in the evening and at night - to make her own day easier - that a a bit of an issue. We just had to say okay can you limit the day time sleeps and she did.

I can understand a parent wanting to say nap times at XYZ and get them out to the park every afternoon but managing more than that sounds a bit too much just in terms of a mis match between parent and nanny.

We usually found nannies much keener on the playing with the chidlren bit than the boring dull domestic jobs bit of the role too so sometimes you need to encourage her to remember the cleaning up.

Totally agree with soft play in the sunshine. Park in the rain is also good.

Wouldn't want to work for you anyway eury. you obviously don't see childcare as a profession. And if you choose to misinterpret what I said that's your problem. With respect you weren't there and you don't know me.

It says much that I am still in touch with this mum 16 years later and had a good working relationship with her and still see her children.

She told me she knew I was the one for her when I was the first nanny she interviewed where her husband didn't walk out of the door in disgust! She also thanked me for putting her mind at rest.

I was not patronising just reassuring her that I was fully trained, take my job seriously and had the best interests of her child at heart. A good nanny works with the mother to give the best childcare she possibly can. As I am sure most people do the best the can in their own jobs.

I trained at a time when parents and nannies had respect for each other. Those who know me would not call me arrogant and I have many lovely letters from people I've worked for both temporary and long term thanking me for my help and grown up children who keep in touch

Ok Sunshine nanny, I apologise for that post. I thought that was a little patronising (I was the nervous mum not so long ago) but i obviously did misinterpret it. I'm sure you are a great nanny.
I'm not a horrible employer and I absolutely do see child care as a profession and one for which I have the greatest respect. If I didn't respect child carers, I wouldn't leave my children with them. I don't know where you got that from. You don't know me either!

MunchesMum I think if you want that level of control over your children's lives, you should see to it yourself. If you're comfortable letting another human being (rather than a robot) raise your children, then you just let them do their thing, surely?

sorry eury I meant echo

okay echo I'm sorry too

Hurray. Thank you.
And by the way, I was fully supportive of the OP in an earlier post!

I wouldn't see a problem with timetables for naps and meals (with a bit of flexibility) but timetabled activities and meal plans is a bit much.

However my daughter has a friend who is (was) a nanny she's just been dismissed, all she wanted to do all day was hang out with her friends mostly in McDonald's/burger king/pubs feeding the toddler crap and ignoring him. The family gave her quite a few chances and finally to try and support her implemented a micromanagement plan. Needless to say it didn't work and they dismissed her.

She may well have been a nanny but she acted and worked as if she was a 15yo baby sitter one that I wouldn't leave my kids with in a dire emergency not even for an hour. Is it possible they have previously had one of those types?

No worries Sunshine,I did laugh a little when I saw the post to me as I've been a nanny for 25 years.
When we start a new job employers give us as much information as they can about their children to help us keep them happy,healthy and safe,including all the health professionals they may need,parents are different I have worked for people who make all medical,dental appointments haircuts new shoes etc for their children,and I have worked for people who would leave all of these things to me,either is fine also classes and groups the children attend and food preferences .I start anew job and will cook things the parents have told me the children like...obviously Introducing new foods as we go along...Take the children to groups and. Classes they attend...adding new groups as we go along..put the children for naps at the Time they generally go...this is not micromanaging us this is hopefully making our job easier.