Micro-managed nanny

[FantasticFeeling]

I started a new job several months ago. It is well paid for 60 hours a week. My gripe is that the children's day is structured down to the last minute by Mum. I am not to vary the schedule. Mum and Dad also work from home more than they said. I have 10 years of experience. I have not had this in my previous two posts. I could just continue to be micro-managed and be unhappy or .............

Quangle - I had meal plans even down to what snacks would be eaten

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Lol! And to make you even more an alternative to give if something was rejected

Sorry everyone. Am trying to express my horror at snack plans and mad mums but it's coming out one letter at a time! Suffice to say Id be really frustrated by that.

obv the employer gets to say what they want, they are the parents and pay the nanny their wages

but seems in this instance, the nanny/op and employer said one thing at interview and now is doing something different - hence why the op is a bit pissed off/upset - it is not the job she signed up and agreed to

nothing wrong with micromanaging your nanny, as long as nanny is happy with that - i wouldnt be, as nbee said, we both have other 20yrs exp in childcare and know about routine/nutrition and general childcare activities suitable for their age etc, and i would want and expect any family i work for to respect my decisions and also to allow me to for example decide what to cook with mince

maybe some parents cant let go or maybe they feel guilty that they work all hours that god sends, so they micro manage to have more control

To the posters on here expressing horror at nannies attitudes, I wonder if you understand what micro managing a nanny means. And I don't mean that rudely, because if you are not that kind of boss you probably wouldn't dream of acting that way.
Asking your nanny to do certain activities, suggested meals to use food in fridge, wanting a certain routine for children are not micro managing.
Telling your nanny exactly where she has to park when she takes your child to an activity, ringing her to check they have eaten their dinner, telling her she has to arrive early at school at x time. This is micro managing. No trust in a professional person is just rude.
There is a big difference between a babysitter and a nanny. A lot of parents don't see any difference. Very telling.
You would tell your plumber you want a new shower fitted. Would you also tell him what pipes he has to use?

Munchiesmum...Appaulled? As nannies we respect our employers...a lot...but if I was told that homework must be done at this time...they must eat at that time, I would seriously consider leaving.(what about the week when it rained every day and finally the sun came out and next door had a new pool and invited us all over? No sorry, its homework then tea...I know that my old Mb would have been fine with this.) In any job, from office worker to Dr, most people know what has to be done, but it is up to them surely to maybe, sometimes put things in a different order, do things earlier or later...Micro managing is what we are talking about...Not going against Parents wishes.

I apologise I don't think I understood the OP properly.

As florence says I didn't grasp how extreme the micro managing could be. If it's like that then it sounds pretty extreme!

munchesmum - many of us making comments on this thread are not nannies but completely disinterested posters giving our opinion on what the OP has said.

Thank you travelling toad. My experience is micro managing is rare and for most mums employing nannies it is something they don't do consciously but rather it stems from anxiety on their part.
If it is just one area of the nannies work she will probably take a deep breath and let it go.
I haven't experience of micro managing in all areas but would imagine this would be very stressful for the nanny. Constantly being given messages that you are not capable of doing your job is soul destroying.

I agree Florence. A nanny friend had a micro managed job and wasn't as happy as she could have been. There was once a last minute meet in the park on (again) a sunny day after being cooped up all week. We all bought a picnic and someone bought a large tub of icecream and some cones...a child and mother we hadn't seen in ages was visiting...she couldn't come because MB liked homework done and they weren't allowed to the park in their uniforms (and because last minute she hadn't brought change of clothes.) The Children missed out on a lovely sunny afternoon with old friends...sad.

My ex boss watched me choosing which carrots to use for tea, she then asked me to wait whilst she double checked the rest of the carrots to make sure I was using the ones she wanted me use. I felt about 5 years old, not someone in their early thirties with a university degree, and I was also left wandering what the hell I was doing there.

We know why she's your x boss!! I do agree about anxieties, and having difficulties in letting go...Different I know but DM looked after my DNs. SIL (lovely) laid out their clothes...matching socks, made and plated all their meals...and asked my DM what was eaten and what was left... in detail....She laughs about it now and admits she was a control freak.

OP I think YANBU as micromanaging on this scale is very difficult for you. As an employer of nannies, I don't think there is anything wrong with parents setting certain expectations and rules and if their current nanny doesn't like that level of involvement, then I expect they can find someone else who can handle it.

A high level of control might mean the parent feels insecure and is finding it hard to leave their child. A good nanny would at least try to find out the cause of this.
A nanny of ours left because I asked her to feed my daughter more vegetables and questioned her discipline style with my dd. I've since found one who has no problem discussing alternative discipline techniques with me or handling chats about diet.

Thanks everyone for your responses.

Someone suggested in a post to involve MB during mealtimes, when she is working at home. Good idea. I will certainly try this.

Ultimately I want to continue being good at my job with excellent relationships with the children and my boss, MB.

Hi Fantastic, it was me and I am glad it might help. Sometimes little things make a big difference. And if the scale of micro management is as some posters described above, I can see where you are coming from.

Being professional about it and trying to improve things is great. Good luck!

Heavens I hand my DC over to the nanny and my only expectation is that they are back at the house when I get in from work. Surely one of the many joys of having a nanny is not having to give any thought to the children's schedules, meals, activities, shopping. I don't know how your employer finds the time for it all, OP!

I had an awful nanny position a few years ago, aside from being watched like a hawk, and given a huge list of dos and donts, I was publically ridiculed if I made a mistake. I was 24yrs old at the time! I had around 6yrs experience, and a child development degree, but I was shy.

It was an extreme family, and one like no other, but my biggest regret is leaving without having a discussion with parents first. Not only could I have defended myself, and said what I wanted, it would have given the parents the opportunity to see that I do know what I am doing, and I am worthy to look after their children.

I have dealt with enough parents over the years to know that some just can't let go, and need that control. (Some, in my case, excessively so) but we have to realise, that these aren't our children, they are someone else's most treasured "possession" and actually they have every right to a few batty demands, providing there is a mutual respect.

Whatever decided, to stay or go, I would definitely say you need to talk to them. You both may agree to make changes, or you both may agree to go your separate ways...I think you will regret it if you don't let them know how you feel!