Recently widowed and pregnant, please help me with childcare options, nannies, mother's helps etc.

[grobagsforever]

I am recently widowed and 8 months pregnant, with 3 year old DD. I'm coping by being practical so I'm looking at my chilcare options. DD currently in part time nursery, starts school in September. I think I will take six months maternity leave. Other relevant points:

1. I have a spare room (small double) on a separate floor but only one bathroom. I would refit this to make it as nice as possible.

2. Could not provide car but live in central Guildford near excellent transport, school is very walkable

3. I don't need nanny to do housework as I think I can manage to fund a cleaner for a while

4. I will probably return to work 4 days a week. I work 15 mins walk and can be flexible with hours, but will need someone to do early/late cover sometimes.

5. I will probably want a couple of evenings babysitting.

I am thinking I might as well employ someone full time once the baby arrives, thinking they can do days with baby and I do nights. I will be BF but will consider top ups so I can get a sleep in day. So it wouldn't be a sole charge role until six months. I might need a fair bit of flexibility in the first six months e.g Saturday morning overtime.

I guess I need a live in nanny for flexibility and also to reduce cost to me. Would the job appeal to anyone given the modest accommodation? What level of flexibility is reasonable to expect? Could I swap time off during day for babysitting in eve by mutual agreement each week? And what is the total cost to me likely to be? I've seen salaries of £350 gross for live in, is this about right?

All info and suggestions welcome.

When baby is a bit older you might consider a chilminder and a cleaner. It will be cheaper and many will do flexible hours, school pick ups etc. My dd has an excellent cm. she started when dgs1 was 6 months old and now, 7 years later, does after school three times a week and odd days in the holidays if dd has to work (dd is a teacher).

Thank you greylady. £350 was what I thought for nanny's weekly gross, if live in.

Yes happy to consider CM when baby is older but I'd like her to be 1 to 1 when little.

I was on your other thread too and so very sad to hear news of your dh's death so soon. Hats off to you for thinking so practically and clearly at such an emotional time as getting this stuff right will make things easier for you in what will be a very difficult time to come.

Personally I'd hate to have live in childcare but I'm not you and can see why it might be a good option. Making fundamental changes to how you manage your life at such an upsetting time already full of upheaval is generally not a good idea but then again you don't have time to sit and ponder because soon your baby will be here. However, if your mum is able to stay for a bit longer giving you more time to see how you feel once your baby is here it might be worth taking her up on it.

You sound as though you have considered your options carefully though and I'm sure you'll make the right decision for your family. There are sadly lots of people on this site who understand only too well what you're going through and will I'm sure offer you support and advice.

I haven't walked in your shoes but I've supported a friend through the same upsetting journey albeit with slightly older children. Two and a half years on and she has found a new kind of happiness with a lovely man and her kids although she will forever miss and love her first dh. I'm sure for you it will get worse before it starts to get better but you can and will get through it with help and support every step of the way x

One thing that has struck me too is whether having a live in nanny would make it harder for your mum or other family and close friends to visit with you. I wouldn't want to lose this means of support. I'm sure you've considered this though x

grobags I'm so sorry about what has happened. What a terrible shock for you. You are obviously being incredibly brave and resourceful - I honestly take my hat off to you. Your DCs have sustained a terrible loss but they have a brave and resourceful mother which is a wonderful blessing for any child.

I am not in your situation but I am a single mother and had a three year old and a newborn on my own so am slightly familiar with the practical if not the emotional pressures. Work has been a saviour for me too. Personally, I've never had someone living in as I would find it too intrusive and in your situation I would worry that I wouldn't be able to behave naturally and grieve freely and come to terms with this new life with someone new in the house. But you may be the sort of person who likes people around and would find this helpful. And since you need flexibility, this might suit a live-in better.

I've always had a liveout nanny (same person for 7 years!) but someone very flexible. She doesn't do loads of exciting things with the children but she's quiet and reliable and trustworthy and loving with them and those have been the things I have valued over the years.

Just rambling thoughts and nothing helpful but I wanted to post just to say how sorry I am and to wish you courage and strength.

Hi Grobags

Saw your previous post and, once again, am very sorry for your loss. I am local to you and happy to share your post with some nannying friends who may be able to offer support or at least advice on where best to advertise?

Check out www.childcare.co.uk in profile put your requirements in exactly what you put in your OP. I am near Guildford and found Nanny via that.

Regards live in, I wouldn't rush in and think that the rate is ok without. In this area Nannies are asking £10-£14 per hour.

I will ask my Nanny if she knows anyone looking.

The more I look at figures the more live-out seems unaffordable, but there's such a range it's hard to tell. I guess I just need to advertise and see what happens. Hope there is someone amazing out there. perfectlyposed yes would appreciate your friends advice thank you.

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. I have not read your other thread but being a new mum of 2 I can't imagine being in your shoes and being such a fabulous mum.

Having some time at the weekend is good. Most nannies I know wouldn't want to commit to working every sat - but again some nannies would. Or get a rota of 2/3 diff ones so all get a break

If cost is the only reason why you prefer live in - then think about either a slightly less experienced nanny or nwoc to make things cheaper

Be kind to yourself x

NWOC?

I put an ad on childcare.co.uk so will see how that goes.

Nanny With Own Child

I too was lurking on your other thread and I am so so sorry to read about your dh and send you my thoughts and best wishes.
What about a live in maternity nurse for the first 5 weeks to give you some space and time ?
They are live in . I had one with new born twins, absent husband and no other support. £££££ but worth it to me.

So sorry for your loss. You are doing amazingly well and you and your children will cope- in the future your children will appreciate how utterly fantastically you dealt with such terrible circumstances. Pleased to hear that at least you don't have to worry about finances too much at this time.

Just some thoughts,

You could have a live out part time Nanny, offering the spare room for when you want evening work? (but keeping a spare room for family and friend visits).

Your little girl will qualify for some nursery hours (I think it's the the term after third birthday and 15 hours?). Therebare a couple of lovely Nurseries in Guildford, i wil PM you names. You could get friendly with some of your favourite nursery workers who could do some babysitting and maybe the Saturday morning for you?

I use a couple of girls from nursery for babysitting (Godalming) and I am sure they would jump at the opportunity of a regulalr Saturday slot. Also I know a couple of Nannies who work Monday -Thursday who may be keen to do a regular weekend shift?

I use a combination of nursery and a nanny for my DS and it's working very well. I will send you some details, I know your requirements are a bit in the air at the moment but feel free to contact me in the future.

All the best, I have been think about your you and your DD

I'm Assuming dd is almost 4 if starting school in sept and will be one of the youngest

Bubs is due early July?

I would get a good night nanny/mat nurse for the few few weeks to help get Into a routine and you get some sleep - sadly I'm booked up so can't offer my services - I'm kent not Surrey but would have travelled - not sure of agencies in your area but message if you want any advice and happy help out

Can you afford childcare while on ml? If so then maybe a temp daily nanny for a few days to entertain dd as will be summer hols - or is her nursery open then? And give you a break /sleep/play with dd and nanny have bubs

I need childcare whilst on mat leave yes, I cannot imagine doing the nights and days with a newborn and toddler all alone. I know people do but I can't, it's too much. I figure if I have help in day I can sleep as much as possible then. As long as various policies payout then I can afford it. My mum will stay as long as I need her but I need my independence.

grobags I have passed your details on to a couple of friends who will make some enquiries for you. I will be in touch x

Doesn't matter what other people do. It's what you need or want to do and tbh you get what care you can afford

I'm a Night nanny to baby twins. Mum also has a full time nanny to help her as she said she has the money so wants to make it easiest for her - some people give her a hard time As she doesn't work

She's gets help and advice. We get a salary that pays our bills - doesn't matter what anyone thinks or does - it's what you want that counts

Thanks again all, currently collecting CVs. Lots of interest, guess full time roles are rarer.

Just wanted to say I am so sorry Grobags. Guildford was my home town for 35 years and I am only an hour away now. If I can help with anything practical or otherwise please let me know.

I am nearby (about 20 mins) too and happy to help if I can. I have a nanny so will ask her if she knows anyone looking. I think you will get lots of interest in the job, Guildford is a fantastic location and there aren't that many full time roles going.

I am so sorry, thinking of you.

Thanks all for offers of help. Am ok at present as mum is here. Very happy to receive nanny recommendations from local people though. Have some interviews planned for next week as am now 37 weeks so really need to do it before then. It's keeping me busy.

Keeping your mind busy helps I found. Obviously nothing will stop you thinking about dh (im so glad you managed to marry in hospital) but bitter sweet you won't celebrate 1st wa - but having something to focus and concentrate on helps - hence why I went back to work 3weeks after my dh died

Have you joined way yet? Think it's £20 a year and there will be a local rep and meet ups near you

I have joined but can't seem to contact anyone directly.