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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childminder was out when I dropped off my son and only her husband there

50 replies

acard · 16/05/2014 13:43

When I went to drop my son off at the Childminder this morning her husband answered the door and said that she was out but would be back soon. I have met the husband very briefly before and my son didn't seem worried. I left him there and started driving to the station but then got completely panicked that I was doing a highly irresponsible thing by leaving my son alone with a stranger (to me). I then turned car around and drove back to the house and explained to the husband and said that I felt very uncomfortable about the situation and would need to wait until the childminder came home. She arrived about five (very awkward) minutes later. In other words my 5 year old would have been alone in house with her husband for 15 mins. I am feeling quite upset about this situation as to me it seems unacceptable. The childminder was apologetic but this is the second time it has happened and as far as I am concerned my contract is with her and not her husband and I don't feel happy leaving my son with some random man (who I am sure is very very nice and is CRB checked) but somehow it still feels wrong. Does anyone else have an opinion on this, am I overreacting, are there rules around this sort of thing? Thanks!

OP posts:

NatashaBee · 16/05/2014 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helensburgh · 16/05/2014 13:47

sorry not much help as Ive never used a childminder but its often crossed my mind re this situation.

I see them at school picking up kids and sometimes its husbands of childminders, i assumme they are disclosure checked too as they are in the house with the children etc?

I think i would have done as you did.

NigellasDealer · 16/05/2014 13:47

but he is not a random man he is the childminders husband and has been CRB checked. I understand it feels a bit odd though....have you discussed it with anyone in RL?

Thurlow · 16/05/2014 13:52

Have you checked your paperwork to see what it says about being her assistant?

He will have to have been CRB checked anyway for OFSTED. But my CM's husband was listed as her 'assistant', even though he worked out of the house most of the day, and when we signed all the paperwork there was a section to say how long he could look after DC without the CM being there.

Basically it's a back up. Should the CM need to go somewhere for some reason, a responsible adult has been nominated to look after your child.

I appreciate what you are saying that you have chosen the CM to look after your children, but one of the points of a CM is that it is a home-based environment and thus your DC will also be involved with the CM's partner, their own children, even the odd family member or friend who pops around the house. I find it a little unusual that you see the CM's husband as some 'random man'. IMO you need to be happy with the whole family if you chose a CM. If you're not happy, a nursery might possibly be a better place, as they are far more restricted?

Katkins1 · 16/05/2014 13:59

My CM's husband picks up my Daughter, drives her to school, the family go around. Sometimes, Grandma does it. We all trust each other, are friends. I think you are overthinking a bit.

OutragedFromLeeds · 16/05/2014 14:12

Imo you overreacted, regardless of what the rules are. He is not a random man, he is the CRB checked husband of your CM.

However, when it comes to your DC if you are in anyway uneasy about their safety overreacting is the right thing to do. I think you need to talk (calmly and nicely) to your childminder about the situation.

OutragedFromLeeds · 16/05/2014 14:12

Imo you overreacted, regardless of what the rules are. He is not a random man, he is the CRB checked husband of your CM.

lovelynannytobe · 16/05/2014 14:13

You are overreacting. As I am reading it it's you who left your child knowing she wasn't there. Not childminder's fault as she wasn't there and the husband did tell you she'd be 5 minutes so you had the opportunity to wait there and then. So next time she's not there when you turn up simply just wait for her to come back. It's irrelevant if he's her registered or not as you made the choice yourself to leave the child with her husband ...

MildDrPepperAddiction · 16/05/2014 14:16

I've been happy with times like this when unavoidable, like when my cm needed to go to dentist in an emergency. I'd be very annoyed if she was off getting massages etc. (Like a previous cm I had did!!)

Artandco · 16/05/2014 14:17

I would check paperwork

However most do register all adults in house as assistant in case they need to pop out.

Ie if one child is ill childminder can take to hospital, husband can watch children. Often parents will be called if childminder is going to be gone for long period ie to hospital so they have choice of picking up or leaving with assistant.

Also handy if husband works from home in office. As then if say childminder has x2 babies asleep during school run they can be left asleep whilst she collects older ones

Mutley77 · 16/05/2014 14:27

I don't think you were over reacting at all - it is hard to leave the care of our children totally out of our control - even more so when we are surprised by a situation we are not expecting. Tbh I have had 3 childminders (2 married) - and the married ones would never have left the husbands in sole charge unless they had previously asked my permission. If you were dropping off at the agreed time the cm should have texted you to check this was ok first IMO - and if you were late you should have texted to advise and she could have then replied with this info. Perhaps she was planning to take your DC out with her and you being late meant that she couldn't. I also don't think your DC was at risk but I can totally understand why you felt uneasy.

AMI88 · 16/05/2014 14:34

I'm not sure how much you could blame CM for this as you did leave, the husband did explain she would be back soon, you made the decision to leave!
He will have a CRB, he may also have more certificates, it's not uncommon for partners to have some training for emergencies!
By all means speak to CM about this, however I'm not sure what you expect her to do...x

Tanith · 16/05/2014 15:09

My husband is a Level 3 qualified, Outstanding childminder. Too right he often does the school run - it's his job! Doesn't stop snidey comments, I've even been called unprofessional for "sending" him.

Op, your issue is that your childminder was not there when you arrived to drop off and that's what you need to discuss with her, unless her husband is registered as a childminder or an assistant.
It was your decision to leave your child with her husband so you can't really blame her for the choice you made.

BackforGood · 16/05/2014 15:42

CMs I've used in the past have commonly registered their dh's if there is the possibility of them being around in the day - sometimes if it's persisting down, it's better for one adult to stay in with the babies whilst the other does the school run, or whatever but this was all clearly explained at the time, and all parents had the opportunity to sign up to the CM, or not.
I think you need to have a chat with the CM about reasons why she would not be there when you are paying her to look after your dc, and if it is going to be a regular thing, and then decide if you are comfortable with it or not.

busyDays · 16/05/2014 15:53

You left your child there knowing the childminder wasn't present so I really don't see how you can blame her. It would be different if you had left your son in the childminder's care and she then later went out and left him with her husband, but that it not what happened. I'm guessing as it was in the morning that your childminder was on the school run, and perhaps was slightly late getting back? I always make it very clear to parents what time I have school runs and add an extra buffer of 10 mins on either side just in case I am a little early/late. Parents have to either drop off before I leave or wait until I get back.

HSMMaCM · 16/05/2014 18:44

If the husband is registered or an assistant then this should have been discussed in advance. In an emergency she can leave the children with an unregistered person. Was there something which cropped up on the school run? She may have thought she was doing you a favour not making you late for work? Until you speak to her, you don't know if this is acceptable or not.

adsy · 16/05/2014 18:51

Poor man. I'm not surprised it was an awkward 5 minutes. Does he have rapist tattooed across his forehead or is he perhaps a crb checked member of the family that your child sees every time they are at the cm's?

BrokenStar · 16/05/2014 19:01

CRB checks aren't the fail safe everyone seems to think they are. It just means they don't have a criminal record. A friend of mine's sister is a CM. Her husband has zero patience and regularly shouts at and smacks his own kids, drinks after work then spends the afternoon 'helping' her. He's CRB checked but not someone I'd want looking after my dc.

adsy · 16/05/2014 19:14

Yes, but if you're going to trust someone to look after your child, surely you trust that they wouldn't leave them for 5 minutes with some vicious abuser.
CRB checks aren't the be all and end all, I agree, but at the moment that's the best thing we have to work on to trust someone.
OP how long has dd been with this CM? And is he her registered assistant as if he is, what she did is fine.
If he's not, she shouldn't have left them but there again one could say it was you who left dd in his care..?
Were you early for dropping off? Was it an unavoidable emergency the cM had to go on?

glenthebattleostrich · 16/05/2014 19:44

My DH is registered as my assistant, even though he works outside the home. This is in case I need to take another child to hospital / doctors / I'm taken ill or any other emergency reason.

I make sure all the children know him (they adore him and often prefer him to me cos I'm the one always there nagging them to eat lunch and not push each other of climbing frames!!!)

If he is registered as her assistant then I really don't see the problem.

Awakeagain · 16/05/2014 19:52

Perhaps it was a bit unprofessional of her not to mention it previously so you would know, perhaps an early doctors appointment if she has mindees during the day, I'm sure te reason she had to pop out was valid but obviously up to you as to who you feel ok leaving your child with, would check though on your contract what you have ok'd

BrocanteHunter · 16/05/2014 20:21

It wouldn't bother me at all. I wouldn't leave my child in another persons home where I didn't trust all the members of the family or the CM's judgement.

I think you overreacted and as others have pointed out you left your child with him, she didn't.

Either you trust her and her judgement or you don't is what it boils down to really.

Artistic · 16/05/2014 21:10

When I used a CM she categorically told me upfront that no child would be left with her DH. If she needed to go anywhere, even if it were a school run & DH were home, all the children would go with her. I was pleased about it. Her DH was a nice man - but I was happier knowing the CM was always going to be around when he was.

I think YANBU. You should clearly state your discomfort to your CM. there may be others who don't mind - and that's fine too. But you have every right to expect CM to never be absent from the scene - and not be swayed by what other people feel.

I personally never leave my DD with friends if they are alone with their dads. But that's my comfort zone & I think it's ok to keep your own rules about these things.

Tanith · 16/05/2014 21:34

I think BusyDays has a point, though. Was the childminder on the school run and held up? Was the Op dropping off at the contracted time?
I think we need a bit more information, tbh.

Lucylouby · 16/05/2014 21:35

Am I the only childminder who hasn't registered my DH as my assistant? I was told he would have to go on a paediatric first aid course, a safeguarding course and go on an eyfs training to become my assistant and tbh it seems like a lot to just help me out occasionally.

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