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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childminder was out when I dropped off my son and only her husband there

50 replies

acard · 16/05/2014 13:43

When I went to drop my son off at the Childminder this morning her husband answered the door and said that she was out but would be back soon. I have met the husband very briefly before and my son didn't seem worried. I left him there and started driving to the station but then got completely panicked that I was doing a highly irresponsible thing by leaving my son alone with a stranger (to me). I then turned car around and drove back to the house and explained to the husband and said that I felt very uncomfortable about the situation and would need to wait until the childminder came home. She arrived about five (very awkward) minutes later. In other words my 5 year old would have been alone in house with her husband for 15 mins. I am feeling quite upset about this situation as to me it seems unacceptable. The childminder was apologetic but this is the second time it has happened and as far as I am concerned my contract is with her and not her husband and I don't feel happy leaving my son with some random man (who I am sure is very very nice and is CRB checked) but somehow it still feels wrong. Does anyone else have an opinion on this, am I overreacting, are there rules around this sort of thing? Thanks!

OP posts:

Bonkerz · 16/05/2014 21:49

If husband is registered as an assistant he would be able to be left for up to 2 hours and have safeguarding and first aid and crb but seeing as OP was not aware of this then I would say he isn't the assistant.
My husband is crb checked but not registered as my assistant BUT I do have permission forms allowing my husband to take over care as a responsible adult in an emergency (only happened once when I had to go in ambulance with a child who was fitting. He took other children home and waited for parents to collect all had agreed to this before I left them)!

OP you shouldn't have left child at all if he wasn't registered. This isn't childminders fault as her husband said she wouldn't be long. I'd be more concerned if she hadn't been there when you went to collect at end of day!!

PixieofCatan · 16/05/2014 22:22

I don't think you are overreacting at all. Your contract is with CM, who is trained, first aid trained, safeguard trained and who knows what she is doing. Unless he is registered as her assistant he shouldn't be alone with the children except in an emergency, and even then I'd prefer to sign something that states that.

BrocanteHunter · 16/05/2014 22:59

Pixie are you serious? You think a 5 year old shouldn't be left for 10/15 minutes with anyone who isn't first aid trained, safeguard trained, and 'knows what they're doing' (whatever that means?!)? Really? Have all your friends and family had all of this training?

I am aware you not the only one on this thread saying this, just the last one. It's a way of thinking I just Do Not Get.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/05/2014 23:06

i think it depends if cm was meant to be there say at 8am and you were there at 8am, and she wasnt

you did leave your ds there happily, even tho he said cm/wife wasnt there

did you not meet the dh when you met cm and after you signed contract etc - you said he was a stranger

on the other hand, if cm does leave her indess with this man/her dh regularly/you said was 2nd time, then if he is not registered as her assistant, then she is doing something illegal and Ofsted should be notified

depends if dh is on her paperwork

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/05/2014 23:07

hunter it is different if you are paying a cm to look after your child, ie you expect a service to be that person

Goldmandra · 16/05/2014 23:07

My DH has never been registered as my assistant and he has never taken a childminded child off a parent or looked after childminded children on my behalf.

This is because it is very much against the conditions of my registration and I don't want to have to explain to Ofsted why I didn't comply with them.

If this CM gets found out it will trigger an inspection and she will get a hard time.

I had a short list of people I trusted, including my DH, who I could leave CMed children with in case of a genuine emergency. Ofsted are fine with this.

OP, this Cm clearly expected her DH to take the child on her behalf and that isn't acceptable if he's not registered as her assistant. You are paying for a service which includes your child being cared for by someone who is fully trained and registered, not just any family member she chooses to delegate her responsibilities to.

In future just wait again and, if this causes you work problems, ask that she is available for her full contracted hours in future or you will have to look at other options.

PixieofCatan · 17/05/2014 07:33

Brocante Yes. Being Ofsted registered comes with responsibilities, as does being a CM. A CM is trained, has a paediatric first aid qualification, has a childcare qualification, safeguarding training and experience (unless starting out), if I wer eto leave a child with a CM, I'd want to leave them with the CM, the person I know and trust my the child, not their partner who I didn't know and who wasn't a trained CM or assisstant.

RE "knows what they are doing" I mean exactly that, somebody who knows what they are doing regarding Ofsted, child development, that particular child and their personaility and how to discipline them if they misbehave and what to make a big deal about if they do something great, etc.

AMI88 · 17/05/2014 14:54

I think we can all agree that (assuming you didn't arrive before your contracted time) the CM should have been there.

However, unless we all know what CM was doing, it's a little unfair to start criticising her, for all we know she was on school run and there was an accident, it was better that hubby was there to let you know what was happening, as opposed to you turning up on the doorstep and no one being there at all!

From your post OP, you said that you were told CM would be back soon, you made the decision to leave your child there, you weren't asked to (just going off your post) so I don't believe it's fair to question this CM professionalism, or ability to do the job well.

You can't do something and then try and blame someone else because you wish you hadn't done it- unless the husband had said to you something along the lines of "it's ok CM said you could leave boy with me" or "CM has popped to shops, leave boy here she will be back soon" then you can't blame her or call her incapable/unprofessional as some of the other posters have, it's just not warranted!

Calmly speak with your CM, find out about hubby's involvement in business and see how you feel from there. My advice, never leave your child alone if your not happy! You went made to leave your DS (by the sound of it) I would draw line underneath it and move on x

AMI88 · 17/05/2014 14:55

* correction * you weren't made to leave your DS

AmberLeaf · 17/05/2014 15:49

Do you drop your child off at a set time each morning?

Or, do you take him at different times depending on your schedule?

Agree with AMI88, you chose to leave your child with the husband, you weren't asked to [again, going off your post] he just told you she would be back soon.

I feel a bit sorry for the husband, what you said on your return must have made him feel shit.

BobTheFly · 17/05/2014 15:51

Anyone else get peeved when the OP never returns to answer pertinent questions?

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/05/2014 17:13

Yes. Happens a lot on threads

us nosey lot want to know the outcomes to situations

Saying that mn'ers do have lives outside here so sure op will be on today /tomorrow to reply :)

Groovee · 17/05/2014 18:11

My childminder's husband, son, daughter, son in law and mother are all registered. I feel quite happy that there has always been back up to ensure continuity.

It will be sad after 10 years to leave this year. It's been the best investment in my children's care.

If you weren't happy in the first place, you should never have left and waited.

Original poster

acard · 18/05/2014 18:27

It wasn't an emergency - she was walking the dog. And it wasn't my choice to leave my son. We have a contract that she has him at an arranged time, as I have to work to support us and have to catch a train at a certain time to get to work. She got back to the house after the dog walk fifteen minutes late and I did miss my train and was late to work. Thanks to all the people who have made me feel even worse about the situation and blamed me for it though - really constructive and supportive.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/05/2014 18:50

Then you need to have a word with cm and say your contract is with her and you expect her to be at her house at the time you have agreed to drop your son off

Mention to her that ofsted would not be impressed that her dh was there looking after ds - unless he is registered as her assistant? Is he?

You say this is the second time? So has happened before. What happened then? Was cm not there at agreed time and you left happily with dh?

BackforGood · 18/05/2014 18:58

People haven't "blamed you" - people have been asking questions, because, the response we all give does depend on the circumstances - if you've asked a question then not come back for two days, it's difficult for people to second guess what is quite pertinent information.

Thurlow · 18/05/2014 19:06

I don't think anyone has blamed you?

Walking the dog so she ends up 15 minutes late for a standard drop-off time is not perfect, and I probably would be tempted to say something about it myself.

But the point with using childminders is that you have to be happy with the whole family - husbands and children. Your DC will be around them all the time. If you see your CM's husband as a "random man" then I'd say you don't sound very happy with the set up at all. Even if he isn't registered as her assistant there are still times when your DC might be alone with him for a minute, just as they might be alone with the CM's children for a minute. Yes, your contract is with the CM, but it is care in their house, surrounded at times by their family too. If you're not happy with that, then a nursery sounds a better set up for you, as you know everyone there is trained and registered.

WorkingBling · 18/05/2014 19:13

Artistic, are you saying that if your ds has a play date with a friend and it's the dad looking after them, you won't leave her with him? Really? Dh is a sahd, ds would have no friends if everyone thought like you!

HSMMaCM · 18/05/2014 20:25

Walking the dog is definitely not an emergency and you should complain.

AMI88 · 18/05/2014 23:28

acard- I don't think anyone was blaming you, this is a public forum,you aren't always going to get the response you want, especially when you don't present all the facts in original post.
That being said, in this case, providing you didn't arrive before contracted time, walking the dog isn't an acceptable reason to be absent, especially if hubby was at home.
Get your facts in order and speak to your CM tomorrow! Good luck!

BarbieCan · 19/05/2014 07:38

The CM was out of order.
I wouldn't be happy as a parent.

Tanith · 19/05/2014 08:16

No-one has "blamed" you - don't be so silly! We have just refused to blame the childminder until we knew more about the situation.

Look, I can understand that you're not happy with the decision you made to leave your child with the CM's husband (of course it was your choice).
However, that's no excuse for trying to guilt trip people who have taken the time to try and advise you on the limited information you gave.

We asked you for further information so we could advise you better, not a passive aggressive slap at those who didn't give you answers you wanted to hear. I note you haven't thanked anyone else.

Right. In the light of the further information you've now provided, your issue is still that the childminder wasn't there when you arrived unless her husband is her assistant or a childminder in his own right.

Please go and talk to her now.

LoisEinhorn · 24/05/2014 10:30

My husband isn't my assistant and I cannot leave any children alone with him, even if I am in the house.
Its the rules.
Don't feel bad, as you say you don' know him. He would have had his CRB check but that's not the point

Suzycb · 25/05/2014 09:21

As a childminder, I'll text parent before I leave home how long I'll be and who might answer door regardless. Similar issue happened at another childminder's home due to an emergency though her son is her assistant and parents are aware of this. They still complained that she wasn't in when they dropped off children. I think a text message for a quick return and in a real longer emergency, phone call.

MrsDiesel · 25/05/2014 09:57

I would leave my ds with my childminders husband and do often. If it is raining and he's not in work he will stay in with my son so he doesn't have to get wet.

I like their whole family, her children, her husband and her. If I didn't I wouldn't have chosen her to look after my son. I like that it is a family environment and my sons second home.

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