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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Au Pair Woes WWYD?

26 replies

Cyd4 · 28/04/2014 23:13

Our ap has been with us for nearly 8 weeks. She works before school and after school hours. Between. 9 - 3p, she goes back to bed, pretty much every day.

She has a years sole charge care experience and is 23. In her second week with us, I left her with both kids (3&4 yrs) to attend an antenatal app. She badly managed a situation which resulted in her being responsible for DD (4) fracturing het foot in two places.

Ap was full of remorse. We were upset but decided that given our dc3 was due any minute and AP was basically a nice girl, we would give her another chance.

I suggested to her that she attend a paediatric first aid course which we would organise and pay for. She agreed enthusiastically and thanked us. She attended the first half on Saturday. Dh even gave her a lift.

This morning I stumbled upon her Twitter account and I am shocked. She seems to be a totally different person. Heaps of selfies of her in her underwear, writing really abusive things with horrible language. Complains about being bored all the time, "can't be arsed with today " etc. she ales wrote re the course " I can't believe I am wasting my Saturday on this shit boring course, 7.5 fkn hours. Fuckers". Then "4 hours to go, so boring ".

Dh and I feel really let down by her and quite hurt actually. We have always tried to be good to her, pay her above average money, thank her for (the little) she does. We want rid, our kids deserve to be with someone who isn't bored out of their mind for the 1 .5 hour they are expected to play. I have a 9 day old baby and no other help lined up but we can't have her in the house anymore.

How do we get her out? She is British and has some family here but it doesn't sit well with me to just sling someone out on the street. Do we confront her re the Twitter or just make an excuse and give her a weeks notice? We don't have a contract with her.

WWYD?

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Coffeeinthepark · 28/04/2014 23:27

You poor thing. You absolutely have my sympathies. Get her out and get your DH to handle it - you shouldn't have to be dealing with anything like this when you are postnatal.

I think you should tell her that it isn't working out and that it obviously isn't the right job for her. If she presses you for a reason show her the twitter account

I hope someone with more experience will be able to give you some good advice

sallysparrow157 · 28/04/2014 23:28

I would confront her about the twitter comments. She is 23, not a daft teenager, she should know better than to post that kind of thing on the Internet and apart from all the other (very reasonable) reasons she has given you to get shot of her, she has demonstrated how immature and daft she is. You clearly can't have her working for you any more and by using the twitter stuff as one of the reasons you're doing her a favour in e long run as she clearly needs to learn the implications of posting this kind of shit on social media

Unexpected · 28/04/2014 23:29

I would give her a week's money and ask her to go immediately, given that she can presumably fairly easily get a train home. I would say that as she is obviously unhappy, bored, has described you, her employers, as "fuckers" and is not engaged with the job you need her to leave. I am assuming that when you talk about her Twitter account, this is all public and available to anyone to see?

I assume you are on maternity leave and children are in school so if you need help short-term would getting plenty of cleaning/ironing help or a mother's help work?

Trillions · 28/04/2014 23:58

Print off her tweets and hand them to her. Tell her to go immediately.

Karoleann · 29/04/2014 07:17

I think trillions idea is good. I wouldn't want her in my house either.

It must be quite difficult English au pairs though - they don't need the cultural or language exchange and they're not paid a great deal and I can imagine she would get a bit resentful and bored.

Original poster

Cyd4 · 29/04/2014 08:10

Thanks for the feedback.

We did wonder why she chose AP rather than nanny work and we were very clear at the beginning what was involved. She told us she'll need a career in childcare and her dream was to be a CM with her own setting. As a former nanny myself, the plan was that I would 'train' her up, show her the ropes etc. there was also plenty of opportunity for her to find more hours during the day if she wanted to but she never particularly persued this.

Unexpected - yes, her Twitter account is public.i just googled her name. It is indeed available for anyone to see. There are also ample photos of her in various states of undress, mostly taken in her room but one in our kitchen which I don't like.

SallySparrow - I agree, she does need to learn but I am worried it may turn really 'ugly.' Ie she trashes her room. (Frankly already pretty trashed) or worse.

My daughter is at school today and my boy is in nursery til 12. Dh is out of town at a meeting today but I just want it done.

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NomDeClavier · 29/04/2014 08:22

Did you get refs for everything since leaving school? Are there suspicious gaps in her CV?

I don't buy someone with a year's sole charge experience taking an AP job in their own country and not making any kind of effort to advance a career in childcare off their own bat - first aid, childcare qualification etc. Something doesn't add up.

You know what you need to do and it's not pleasant :( but it really is for the best.

Unexpected · 29/04/2014 08:25

Good luck, I really does think she has to go - underwear photos in your kitchen - yuck! She obviously has no idea of the implications of her actions - if she wants to become a childminder, does she not think prospective parents might be put off by seeing her curse on her account and might not want to see photos of her prancing around undressed?

Goldmandra · 29/04/2014 09:19

I would give her a week's money and ask her to leave this morning. Do you have a friend who could pop in for coffee while she's packing?

Original poster

Cyd4 · 29/04/2014 09:52

Thanks, you have all given me confidence. My lovely cleaning lady is in this morning ( who also got cussed on Twitter).

I do feel guilty asking her to go immediately though.

She was playing so sweetly with ds this morning, building train tracks and singing songs. She is completely oblivious and won't see this coming.

In fairness, the photoin the kitchen wasn't an undies snap, trousers and a crop to to show off her toned tum..

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Goldmandra · 29/04/2014 10:02

It will hopefully be a valuable lesson to her once she's over the shock.

Original poster

Cyd4 · 29/04/2014 10:45

Oh Lord.

I did it, she was completely shocked. Although she apologised and understood why we were upset. She said she hadn't made any personal references to us or her job and she was really happy here.

She was also shocked that I wanted her to leave immediately. I asked if she could stay with her father, who she is very close to and she said no way, it wasn't possible.

How long can I reasonably give her? I told her already I don't want her to work anymore. We will pay her to the end of the week- should I give her more ?

This is awful.

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Goldmandra · 29/04/2014 10:49

I'd give her the day to find a friends couch to crash on. She has to be gone tomorrow morning.

I guess it depends on how comfortable you are with her being around.

GlaikitFizzog · 29/04/2014 10:55

Do not let her stay. Give her money for a night in a B&B. Get your keys back immediately. If you don get the keys, consider changing the locks.

She's sounds like a nightmare. At 23 you are a adult, not a silly wee girl setting out in the world.

Original poster

Cyd4 · 29/04/2014 11:13

Yes, good call. I will ring the Travelodge down the road.

It would be awful to have her still here, moping.

I will ask for the keys. Oh god. I really need to toughen up. She said she just writes stuff on twitter, without thinking of it and it doesn't mean anything. I do believe she is a nice girl who is misguided, immature and lacks focus. Also v low self awareness. She does however, need to learn the hard way, unfortunately.

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Goldmandra · 29/04/2014 11:32

The problem is that it does mean something and parents need to be able to trust the people looking after their children.

This is a hard lesson but it should also be very valuable to her.

Good idea about the Travelodge.

joanofarchitrave · 29/04/2014 11:35

'I don't buy someone with a year's sole charge experience taking an AP job in their own country and not making any kind of effort to advance a career in childcare off their own bat - first aid, childcare qualification etc. Something doesn't add up.'
This

I sacked someone who only turned up for 1 day out of a fortnight. I felt terrible doing it but clung to the hope it would be a wake-up call. Perhaps she will now understand that social media are not the same as talking to yourself in your head

PeterParkerSays · 29/04/2014 11:36

She now knows that employers do look at Twitter. and Facebook.

A hard lesson for her to learn but one that is important for her.

OddFodd · 29/04/2014 11:36

That's not true tho - she referred to you as fuckers. Think it sounds like you've had a lucky escape and things would only get worse if you let her stay. Hope you find a lovely replacement

Tanith · 29/04/2014 12:32

Yes, but some of this "random texting that doesn't mean anything" was on an important course that she'll be expected to repeat every three years if she goes in for childcare as a career. Dear God help her if she goes in for childminding!

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/04/2014 14:31

Aps are meant to be people from Another country wanting to learn English while looking after school ages children so can generally study 9/3

Not sure why she wanted to be an ap to get into child are she would be better off being a mothers help /do a childcare qual

or why you chose her / obv cheaper then a mothers help/nanny ?

Either way she needs to go. Writing about your employers in a negative way is grounds for dismissal - let alone obviously not wanting to be somewhere ie first aid - for the sake of her job

Weeks money and as originally from this country / has relatives she needs to go now. If makes you feel better pay for a night in b&b or travel lodge

Where did you find her?

Congrats on no 3 :)

ConfusedPixie · 30/04/2014 14:09

"As a former nanny myself, the plan was that I would 'train' her up, show her the ropes etc."

You're making me worry now, this is exactly what DP and I plan to do for childcare/help (as a nanny myself!) and know how difficult it is to get into nannying. I haven't really considered ending up with somebody like this! I got into nannying by doing what she's doing now though and didn't resent it at all, I loved my family, but then I was also relatively mature about my online accounts!

Do ask her to leave though, the twitter account alone is enough to put her into a bad rep. I wonder if she hasn't been getting work because people have googled her and found that?

"I don't buy someone with a year's sole charge experience taking an AP job in their own country and not making any kind of effort to advance a career in childcare off their own bat - first aid, childcare qualification etc. Something doesn't add up" If you don't know about the qualifications and are pretty much clueless about how to get started, then it could add up. Had i not volunteered in nurseries then I wouldn't have had a clue about qualifications.

As a Brit she's more of a mothers help I'd say, I was in an AP job but was more of a MH/Junior nanny seeing as I was in my own country.

NomDeClavier · 30/04/2014 16:14

I've done taking on an inexperienced nanny and training up. It's exhausting and annoying and not that cheap the way nanny salaries are going. For the same price I'd rather have a NWOC. I much prefer APs who have done a degree and have a life plan that involves either perfecting a language or dossing around in a different country for a year before a postgrad or similar.

I really think anyone looking to get into nannying now should have the nous to at least do a first aid course, and there is one single childcare qualification on offer from various companies. It's not like you have to choose between BTEC, DCE or NVQS any more. There is plenty if advice around, far more than even 5 years ago, and frankly if you can't be arsed to find out what you need - and this girl wanted to become a CM - then it really doesn't add up. There is no proactivity whatsoever.

ConfusedPixie · 30/04/2014 20:54

But to get the level three you need to be in a position of having some level of control over your day out do it through attending college, so it's not really easy to get before you start working. Agree 100% on first aid though, that's the first thing agencies ask about when you contact them.

NomDeClavier · 30/04/2014 21:16

But this girl has done a year and didn't come to this job with any intention of doing a course. It's more an informal apprenticeship arrangement.

I'm just a suspicious with

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