Does your nanny go for coffee?

[GirlRunning]

This is very much a first world problem and sounds ridiculous writing it down but I'm slightly niggled by the fact that our nanny seems to spend a lot of time in Starbucks / Costa etc.

In her daily diaries that she writes for me on the childrens day, she'll say "walked into town and had a lovely coffee in Costa". "Town" is about 15 minute walk away so children would have to be pushed in buggy.

I absolutely don't have a problem with her going to playgroups, soft play, rhyme time etc and using the kitty to have coffee/cake whatever - my primary concern is that the girls are having fun. Sitting in a buggy for 30 minutes and sitting in a coffee shop doesn't sound much fun?

So I have said I'd prefer her not to do it but a few of her nanny friends bosses apparently don't have a problem with it. Last week she didn't get into playgroup because tickets had all gone before she got there (poo emergency!) so she "bumped into" her friend (and her charges) and they all went to starbucks because there was nothing else to do when they couldn't get into playgroup.

Am I being silly? What do your nannies do?

Doesn't matter if her friends bosses don't mind she doesn't work for them. She works for you

Some playground do have a max no for h&s so can understand tickets. Sounds like she normally gets there in time - but didn't this time

Assume there are no other m&t about on the same day so either park if dry or walk back to yours with other nanny/dc would have been ok and kids played at your house

You seem a fair boss saying happy for kid to get out /be happy

Regards nursery duties - maybe if she spent less time at coffee shops she would be able to fit them in ..........

Eta it works really well as she can ferry them about to clubs have play dates & supervise homework all of which most CM's would struggle with but she does pay more especially as she only has 1 child. You could also look for a student if DC are old enough to be without an experienced nanny or consider an au pair.

Sorry wrong thread

I'm a SAHM but I'd think that going for coffee and socializing is just as important for nannies as it is for Mums. YABU.

I wouldn't mind if it was to a park where the children were socialising, too.

Think it depends how often the nanny does it depends if op has the right to be annoyed

Gosh just come back to this as teething babies last night prevented mumsnet! Thank you for all your responses it's really interesting to see how people's opinions differ and I'm quite pleased to see that I'm not draconian as some others agree with me but for those who say it should be ok - I see your point.

To answer some of the questions - she doesn't pay for these coffees out of the kitty, she pays for herself. She takes money out of kitty for playgroup and drinks/snacks there. She did get to playgroup early (its actually Rhyme Time at the library) but there's no changing facility there so she had to go elsewhere and by the time she came back, tickets had gone.

Yes - the point about getting all nursery duties done if she wasn't gooing for coffee is valid, and I think thats what causes some of the niggles for me.

We have good communication so I will bring it up and say my concerns (boredom, sitting doing nothing in buggy, extra snacks) but will suggest its ok as part of a bigger outing e.g. feeding ducks, going to the park / rhyme time maybe no more than once per week?

Just to be clear - playgroups, visiting friends, friends coming over all absolutely fine.

PS prior to me mentioning to her I didn't want her going for coffee, it was once maybe twice per week.

I would have thought a couple of times a week is fine! Children could do with not being the centre of everyone's world occasionally. They also need down-time, not perpetual activities all day long.

I honestly don't know how nannies do their job - being in the company of toddlers for 50+ hours a week seems to me to be the very definition of torture .

Once or twice a week seems completely fine. I thought this was an everyday thing! All workers should have coffee breaks and a chance to chat with colleagues. And if you ban this it will just cause resentment.

Yes I agree, it's just a coffee break, to which other workers are entitled 2-3 times a day. However, she's still in charge of your DC, so not really a break from work as such. Having a little time out from actively entertaining them for half an hour isn't a huge deal.

Do you honestly think that everything should revolve around them for the entire day she is with them? That sounds exhausting for your nanny and do bear in mind the repercussions for you when they are unable to entertain themselves for a few minutes while you talk to an adult!

As a parent I would happily go and sit in a coffee shop, give my DC a little snack and a book and have a chat with a friend. I can't see how a nanny doing it is any different, especially if she spends plenty of time doing child-centred things the rest of the day.

I bring my baby to the coffee shop once or twice a week and wouldn't have a problem with a cm doing that.

I actually think everyone needs a small bit of downtime.
But, as others have said, if you are not happy then stop it.

I will bring it up and say my concerns (boredom, sitting doing nothing in buggy, extra snacks)

I think this makes sense - she may well have a good answer eg "I always have a book in the buggy and I read to the DCs while having my coffee" so best to check before expressing a view!

I think you're being really unreasonable. It wouldn't cross my mind to even think anything of this.

Ah just saw your post saying once maybe twice per week. Honestly I wouldn't have a problem with this.

TBH she could quite easily just have not written it in the book... I'd be grateful for her honesty!

Minipie that's what my husband has said! She could easily have not written it down and DTs wouldn't be in a position to grass her up (them being 15mths!)

Once or twice a week is nothing and as long as she's not setting up in starbucks for 3 hours or so, I think it's absolutely fine. She probably doesn't see it as a problem either which is why she's being so honest about it :-)

Mind you, ultimately, you're paying her wages so you get to decide what is 'reasonable' or not, not us weirdos on the internet :-D

OP does she get a break otherwise? And how many hours does she typically work every day? Sorry if this has been covered! Having previously nannied for 2 children who were 2 and 3 when I started, I know how tiring it can be especially being out and about all day and although I didn't do it often, it was nice sometimes to be able to go to a coffee shop for 15 mins just to have a little rest. I didn't do it often, but the mum actually encouraged it! If I was in the house all morning and only out and about for a few hours though, I wouldn't stop! Mums need a break when looking after kids all day and I think nannies should too, even if it's just for a little bit of adult company, being around young tots all day is draining and it is probably more beneficial for the kids if the nanny has a quick 'break.'

I would add some thing you bough up yourself .
The library does not have changing faclity .
The coffee shop more likely does .

Toilets are a big deal when taking kids out . Nice ones where you can go and your kids /charges are safe .
And the fact she buys her own coffee so she can change you kids bum and have wee herself bousus !

The only thing you suggest is where the other nice toilet s are that are free and where to go to keep warm that is also free.

well, my nanny doesn't go out for coffees. Our set up is a bit different to these though, I have her 2 days a week for 8 hours each day, and the days are pretty taken up with school runs and activities, not lots of spare time for going into town. Sometimes I give her some extra money and tell her to stop and have a coffee somewhere - but that's about once every two or three months! She does get time to have coffee/tea at home and I buy the brands she likes.

Social skills etc. - well, if they have NO other opportunity to learn them perhaps Starbucks is a handy place. But is that really the case?

I might be very different to other employers (tho not to the ones I know) but personally i would not be happy with a nanny spending a lot of time meeting her friends and going to coffee shops. It's not at all what I'm paying them for. Luckily my nanny is very child-orientated and enjoys spending lots of time on kids activities.

I think it's unacceptable that she goes to Starbucks or whatever place to have a coffee. I doubt she does it for your kids to see "real life". She does it because she wants to have a decent coffee!!

Let's remember that minding your children is her JOB, so in my opinion, she can go whenever she wants during her break, without the kids, but not while actually doing it.

And no, nannies are NOT mothers. We mothers go to Starbucks with kids because they are our kids and unless someone else is looking after them, they generally are with us! And to be honest, I can count the times I took my twins with me, as it is impossible for young children to stay seated for longer than 10 min!

It may have been impossible for your children to sit for more than 10 minutes, many small children are perfectly capable of sitting down and watching Peppa Pig for longer than that.

My local sb has books and a few toys for children - obv happy children = happy customers who spend more money

Nannies don't get a break as such - so of children are happy and safe sitting on a chair/highchair while nanny grabs a few mins to relax having a coffee then I don't see the harm every now and again

Agree Leeds - I know many toddlers who sit happily entranced in a book /tv

I once took an 11mth old to panto with older brother and she LOVED IT - and sat entranced on my lap - loving the bright lights and noise

All children are different and behave differently - which we also know as nannies - what they won't do for parents they often do for us happily and vice versa

Sounds ok to me. At 15 months your DC will enjoy the view from the buggy and your nanny probably chats and points things out as they go. My DS aged 2 really enjoys being out in the pram and it's good for a rest between running around. I do this on my days off and I encourage my nanny to break up the day by meeting friends and their DC for coffee and playdate too- often in a cafe.

I wouldn't like it regularly because you pay a nanny and expect them to do a better job than you!

For example on my days off, I may well stick the DC in front of the TV for a bit but I wouldn't want our nanny to do that

I get funny if our nanny takes the kids to coffee. I also don't like too many play dates with her friends and charges because actually I want my DC to play with their own friends from nursery on occassjon. When they start school, I will be expecting that!