Does your nanny go for coffee?

[GirlRunning]

This is very much a first world problem and sounds ridiculous writing it down but I'm slightly niggled by the fact that our nanny seems to spend a lot of time in Starbucks / Costa etc.

In her daily diaries that she writes for me on the childrens day, she'll say "walked into town and had a lovely coffee in Costa". "Town" is about 15 minute walk away so children would have to be pushed in buggy.

I absolutely don't have a problem with her going to playgroups, soft play, rhyme time etc and using the kitty to have coffee/cake whatever - my primary concern is that the girls are having fun. Sitting in a buggy for 30 minutes and sitting in a coffee shop doesn't sound much fun?

So I have said I'd prefer her not to do it but a few of her nanny friends bosses apparently don't have a problem with it. Last week she didn't get into playgroup because tickets had all gone before she got there (poo emergency!) so she "bumped into" her friend (and her charges) and they all went to starbucks because there was nothing else to do when they couldn't get into playgroup.

Am I being silly? What do your nannies do?

Why is a cafe, any cafe, not educational? The education is in watching mum, parent, significant adult behave in a new environment.

So, queuing, choosing items, interacting with servers/queue, waiting, eating/drinking socially, expected social behaviours, tidying up, paying, travel to and from all give very good tips, behaviour examples and excitement. Excitement wears them out, equals ( blissful) sleep.

I'm a sahm. Might eat out maybe once a week in some capacity paying in a cafe. Couple of times if thinking of packed lunches. Curious as to how you think children learn if not by example.....?

3 preschool children in Starbucks doesn't sound terribly relaxing to me to be honest but I can understand your concern that your children are effectively being dragged along to your nanny's coffee mornings.

Essentially what minipie said. I'd also say, that it is a useful life skill for small children to learn to sit and behave for 30 mins in a coffee shop as that's real life and presumably it's something you'd like to be able to do yourself on occasion.

as a destination I do not but if we are in town doing errands and ive noticed baby has fallen asleep in his buggy I think "yes I can sit and have a nice cup of coffee in peace!" I dont even think about it when I have all 3 as it would be a nightmare!

If going to Costa is educational so is watching nanny have her hair or nails done e. Queuing, waiting, paying, interacting etc. all applies equally to the salon as the coffee shop.

I wouldn't be happy with it, I would expect nanny to allow enough time for emergencies and still get to play group. Does she need some ideas of where to take the kids, it all sounds a bit dull tbh. At nursery mine used to do forest school, movement classes, gardening, visitors would come e.g from the zoo, musicians, they would play games on the field and non stop activities all day. Play group and costa sounds like it is getting dull for both nanny and the kids. Do you have any museums, theatres, art galleries near you lots of them do fun things for kids both toddler times and for pre schoolers. Does nanny need to broaden the horizons?

I agree with

Bloody phone!

I agree with what others have said. It's fine as part of a bigger trip. It's fine as an occasional activity.

It's not fine as a trip on it's own or as a regular activity.

OP I think you were absolutely right to ask her to cut down the coffee shop visits. Is there any reason she can't invite people to your house/go to someone elses house? If you've banned playdates then I can see why she needs to be at a cafe, otherwise there's no need.

How often does she go once a day? 3 times a week?

I get that you are paying her to provided an educational environment for your children however in my opinion children that are given constant stimulation sometimes struggle to entertain themselves and lack imagination in my experience.

I enjoyed going to the cafe with my mum and my children love it too. It would slightly concern me if they were going every day and having a cake or biscuit because they will soon develop a sweet tooth. Otherwise I wouldn't mind.

My CM used to meet up with another CM in a local coffee shop one morning a week, I was quite happy for this to happen as there were other small ones to play with, our local cafe is quiet midweek (so they got to play with their toys, colour-in, they'd get a snack, sometimes DS1 used to fall asleep on her knee..)

I think this is all 'real life' and great experiences for him, not every day, but once a week I wouldn't have a problem with it. (If I have a day off with my son I often used to take him to a cafe (no soft play near me and I don't drive) and we'd read books and look out the window talking about things we see - it was enough to keep him interested for about 45 mins aged 2.

OP, it is highly possible that your nanny is on her phone whilst drinking a coffee and your LO is in the buggy people watching.

I don't get why being a nanny is being compared to being a SAHM. I've been both and I would never have dreamed of doing this on nanny duty. You're being paid to look after the kids, not sit around in Starbucks all morning. You finish work and can then sit in Starbucks for as long as you like.

Must be costing a fortune , is shegiving you receipts?

givemeaclue I am most interested to hear how you would plan enough time to deal with emergencies and still get to your destination on time.

You allow extra time. Its not rocket science?
So if it takes 30 mins to walk to the park, I allow 10 mins "getting out the house" time, plus an extra 10 mins journey time, so I would start getting kids in buggy at 10.10am for an 11am playgroup.

My 3 ask to go to the coffee shop..( 4, 6, 6)

My first nanny position in London one of my duties was to take the toddler and baby to Starbucks every day for a muffin and baby cino! I found it too much sure the parents wanted them to learn to behave while out but every day just about drove me round the bend.

I agree as with many of the above posters that its about balance. Fine as part of a bigger trip or as in case of missing the tickets however I'd have at least visited playground/park first. Also I wouldn't be paying for her drink unless it was the most basic coffee or I'd put a limit on the kitty on how much she can spend in cafe. And in all honesty if she isn't completing nursery duties she should be if she has time to visit cafe with three under five.

My 3 ask to go to the coffee shop too. They also ask if they can have the day off school/go to legoland/have sweets for breakfast etc. Sometimes grown-ups know better!!

Probably it's being compared to sahm because a working parent never enters a coffee shop being far too busy and or important. Coffee is for lazy feckers....

Equally sahp might actually take kids with them and expect to before or after a visit somewhere. As others have said, myself included, once a week or so fine. Every other day is maybe a bit unimaginative. So neither of you are unreasonable really, surely you are both just feeling your way around the set up/expectations? The conversation in principle doesn't sound unreasonable depending on how you handled really.

guess depends how often,once a week ok if 5 days, maybe every other week if part time

every day would be a no, so if nanny is writing this every day then does need to be a change

can she go to the park/soft play/another toddler/friends house instead

its good for children to learn social skills/manners etc and to eat/drink in public

i love sb :) go occasionally with dc but prefer to go on a friday when i dont work and can chill with a chai and natter with friends

givemeaclue what happens if no emergencies arise and you get the playgroup 20 minutes before it starts?

I don't really understand why it's relevant to compare against what parents do. The balance of parent's interests vs child's interests is completely different to the balance of nanny's interests vs child's interests.

I woudln't be happy with it as then I'd feel guilty taking the children to Starbucks on a Saturday after I'd dragged them around the shops all morning!

Gosh. It sounds as if she's acting like a mother to them. I really, really wouldn't object to that.

Tickets for playgroup? It must be a super busy place. Maybe find a different group to go to, where getting there a little later is not a problem.

She will understand if you sit her down and explain your concerns.

My bosses in all my jobs have never minded. I. Think it's good foot children to learn how to behave In public.
I would just say I'm sorry i was having a moment! But I realise it was posibly an overreaction and feel
Free in future to get coffee.

Mini, Apparently tickets sell out for this play group so getting there early means first in the queue! Can offer to help with set up if find regularly getting there early, probably wouldn't happen that often with three little ones. Or can pop in shop on way etc. Not Costa!

What if the emergency happens at 10:15 and takes 20 mins to sort out?
I think it is ridiculous to suggest the nanny potentially arrives at playgroup 20 mins before it starts.
IME the staff won't want three children 'helping' to set up and probably wouldn't be insured for them to be there before starting anyway.