would you sack your nanny over this....

[mummydoc]

we have ahd our nanny for 1 yr, at first she was great and i was completely won over . but gradually things slipped and several months ago she had quite alot of sick leave which gave us time to dwell/mull over the issues we weren't happy about. She is good with dds and htey are fond of her and to give her credit she does a fair bit of housework above her contracted stuff, BUT she seems to spend a huge amount of time out of the house at her friends and i have asked her before to ensure dd2 is brought home after a morning activity to have her sleep and afetr that she did for awhile but now she ahs spent all holidays at her friends house . now to be fair this friend has 4 kids and my dd1 gets on well with one of them so ok it is nice for her, but they never come over to our house , dd2 is apparently being put down for a sleep on the sofa . She also often takes my dds back to her own house to pick up her 2 teenagers and always says it is because DD1 wants to play with them or her teenagers want to come on whatever outing is happening and ihave just realised i am paying for this mileage ! why don't they get up and come with her in the morning - the final straw came last week when it transpires dd1 was left at the friends house to play and dd2 left with teenage daughter and nanny went to get haircut. no doubt all that driving around went on my mileage bill. I know she is taking the piss but i am struggling at htought of dd2 ( aged 22 months) going to nursery 3 dasy a week though dh and grandparents all agree she would love it...i need some supportive messages, has anyone sacked their nanny and what for? sorry rather long and ranting.

I agree! and just think of the mileage you would be saving Your peace of mind is worth the money.

thankyou everyone for support and advice. we have made nanny reduntant and paid her for 1 month as per contract , we said we felt dd2 ready for nursery and left it at that. nanny away 2 weeks and then us 1 week so she will be with us 1 week at the end. i will stress very heavily that i want dd2 at home during htat time and dd1 is back at school. have booked dd2 into nursery 2 day a week and my dh who works for himself for the sole purpose of being flexible and spending time with the girls is going to be at home 2 days and i pick up 1 day . we are reinstating the lovely cleaner we sacked as couldn't afford withthe nanny aswell and grandma is going to cover and illness/ after school etc. sorted - i actually feel so less stressed and am busy planning how to spend all the cash we will save.

Glad it worked out for you, mummydoc.

I'm still utterly shocked that your nanny took the mick like this and left your kids w/people you don't know w/o your permission.

Great news Mummydoc, so glad you have been able to work out a good solution.

That's great. It sounds as though you've got a perfect solution now, and the children will get to spend more time with family as well. And it's good that you didn't have to have a row about it as well.

Bet the nanny will want a reference...!!!

I would have shot the hooligan nanny, but Mummydoc your solution is infinitely more reasonable !!! I think you've shown her far more consideration than she deserves. Very glad you are settled and stress free again.

thanks emismum, hadn't thought too much about a reference - what does one do ??? just keep it really short and factual and then spill the beans on hte phone ?? sorry just when i thought we had "put this one to bed" more advice needed.

Mummydoc, you must be truthful and positive. If this means leaving gaping holes, then so be it. Definately leave your phone number and e-mail addres for potential employers to contact you (and then give them the unabridged truthful full story verbally).

You'll get a lot more responses if you start a new thread on "Reference for a not so great nanny -- what do I say?"

I think quite often, a reference says more by the things it doesn't say than by what it does. Eg a ref that just says X worked for me from [ ] to [ ] like the one below doesn't give a great impression, but there isn't much you can do to argue with it! FWIW, I also think Pinsents is a good law firm, and their advice should be spot on. Good luck with it!

The reference issue is a tricky one but as the others have suggested, giving a very brief one along the lines of: she worked for me from x date to x date full stop, does speak negative volumes !!! I've done it before, but not for a nanny, and there was no legal comback against me. It would be true as far as it goes, but industry-wide the interpretation would be that her performance was not satisfactory. I've always put a reference like that straight in the bin. Definitely give your contact details too so that you can elaborate if anyone really wants to pursue such a ref.

Only just seen this, and too late to be of use for you, but just in case it is relevant to anyone else - you can put a clause in the contract limiting the amount of mileage that can be claimed. I have a daily limit which is plenty to cover normal running around (school run, swimming etc), but doesn't give the nanny the incentive to increase. Of course if the nanny wants to go further afield for a specific day trip out then she can agree it with me upfrint, and I'll pay.