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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

would you sack your nanny over this....

63 replies

mummydoc · 14/08/2006 12:33

we have ahd our nanny for 1 yr, at first she was great and i was completely won over . but gradually things slipped and several months ago she had quite alot of sick leave which gave us time to dwell/mull over the issues we weren't happy about. She is good with dds and htey are fond of her and to give her credit she does a fair bit of housework above her contracted stuff, BUT she seems to spend a huge amount of time out of the house at her friends and i have asked her before to ensure dd2 is brought home after a morning activity to have her sleep and afetr that she did for awhile but now she ahs spent all holidays at her friends house . now to be fair this friend has 4 kids and my dd1 gets on well with one of them so ok it is nice for her, but they never come over to our house , dd2 is apparently being put down for a sleep on the sofa . She also often takes my dds back to her own house to pick up her 2 teenagers and always says it is because DD1 wants to play with them or her teenagers want to come on whatever outing is happening and ihave just realised i am paying for this mileage ! why don't they get up and come with her in the morning - the final straw came last week when it transpires dd1 was left at the friends house to play and dd2 left with teenage daughter and nanny went to get haircut. no doubt all that driving around went on my mileage bill. I know she is taking the piss but i am struggling at htought of dd2 ( aged 22 months) going to nursery 3 dasy a week though dh and grandparents all agree she would love it...i need some supportive messages, has anyone sacked their nanny and what for? sorry rather long and ranting.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

expatinscotland · 14/08/2006 12:37

Yeah, I'd sack her.

Sorry, I'd be out of my MIND w/worry over where the hell my girls were during the day.

And leaving the toddler w/a teenage girl you haven't been able to vet? NOPE.

She goes to the friend's house so the other kids can do her job for her - entertaining your kids - whilst she sits about and blethers.

Then charges you the mileage for it.

That's just taking the p.

22 months would do great in a nursery setting 3 days/week. They start to want to interact w/other kids at that age.

And you would know she's not being taken out at all hours God knows where.

Bugsy2 · 14/08/2006 12:39

She is taking the piss bigtime on lots of issues. However, it is completely unnacceptable for her to leave your dd with anyone else while she gets her haircut. Apart from the fact she is not doing the job you are paying her to do, she is totally betraying your trust.
Why don't you get a different nanny if you are nervous about nursery?

expatinscotland · 14/08/2006 12:40

I get my haircut at the weekends when I'm not having to work OR arrange it for when I have a day off.

Chandra · 14/08/2006 12:44

I think the problem here is that you have asked her to do something or not to do it and she is doing as she pleases. I would have a problem to trust her, probably I would be thinking that these are the things I'm aware off, but what about those I'm not told?

Bozza · 14/08/2006 12:49

Definitely think that most of this is not on. Especially leaving your DDs with other people when she is supposed to be working. Also would be very unhappy about the sleep arrangements. And rather pissed off about her cheating you out of money.

FWIW my two both went to nursery 3 days/week at that age and loved it.

Uwila · 14/08/2006 12:49

I agree she's taking the piss. However, there are usual dismissal/disiplinary procedures which must be followed. Does your contract specify the disciplinary procedure? If not, you should give
1- verbal warning
2- written warning
3- dismissal

As you say you've discussed it with her previously, I would sit down for a review, give a written warning, AND I would hand her a nanny diary which is she now to complete on a daily basis. I would also sign them up for an activity or two that helps to pull her in line. For example if I have a nanny who doen't get dressed until 10:00 (which I don't!) but if I did, I'd sign them up for some 8:00am (maybe 9:00am) activities.

Nanny Diary: If you can't find one you like, I can put you in touch with my nanny for a custon made cute/crafty sort of one.

Uwila · 14/08/2006 12:53

And I completely agree with Chandra. The biggest issue for me would be that I had specifically asked her to do something and she has taken it upon herself to do otherwise. I did once have this problem with a nanny and it pissed me off beyond words. It actually anede in her resigning just as I was working out how exactly to go about giving notice.

Uwila · 14/08/2006 12:54

Fancy a game of scrabble?

anede=ended

Original poster

mummydoc · 14/08/2006 12:58

huge thankyou everyone so far...thinking of nursery as nanny very very expensive ( she almost doubles her wage bill each month with expenses / mileage etc) am so glad to hear of good nursery experiences , my dd2 is very full of herself/confident toddler , quite advanced speech wise and potty trained so not sure why am nervy about nursey i know she would love it. Uwila - they do do morning activites every day but i found that she was then going to other peoples houses " oh we were invited for lunch and to play" but infact dd2 needs to come home and go to bed ! I hadden thought of what else might be going on but dd1 sometimes lets slip - she has now told me they go to the nanny's house and DD1 and tennagers watch videos ...wtf is the nanny doing then? do you think leaving dds with other people to get haircut could be grounds for immediate dismissal as neglect ? also she has a contract which ran out last week and we haven't got round to signing new one ...is htis a way out ?

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Original poster

mummydoc · 14/08/2006 13:00

uwila - my spelling/typing so bad too...

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Greensleeves · 14/08/2006 13:02

This is usually one of my parp subjects, but I think Uwila is right. You can't trust this woman with your daughters, if I were in your position I would be wanting to get rid of her - but you need to do everything 'by the book', so that there won't be any comeback when you do get shot of her.

I feel sorry for your dd2 being put to bed at 5pm, that is cruel.

DarrellRivers · 14/08/2006 13:17

Sounds like she is taking liberties

Good Luck

Uwila · 14/08/2006 13:18

I think you should follow whatever is in the last contract. What is the notice period? How long has worked for you?

Yes, I think leaving a child in the care of someone who has not be explicitly approved by his parents is gross misconduct? I don't care if whe is a lovely licensed nanny, I say who can look after my kids. It is not the nanny's place to delegate this responsibility. What if I stayed home from work one day and just asked the neighbor to go in in my place. Do you think my boss would object? I think so!

Earlybird · 14/08/2006 13:21

I might tolerate it from a family member, but certainly not from someone who I had employed for the job. She's taking huge liberties.

jura · 14/08/2006 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mummydoc · 14/08/2006 13:24

actually greensleaves i sometimes have to put dd2 to bed at 5:30 but that is my choice and i think nanny does it so she can then do all the stuff she has supposedly done during hte day. she has a months notice period in last contract . I am hopeless at htis sort of thing so thought might give month notice and say we have found her too expensive and think dd2 ready for nursery...is that really cowardly ? ps what on earth is parping ?

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jura · 14/08/2006 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mummydoc · 14/08/2006 13:26

jura , it is a fixed period contract for 1 year and ran out last week , so i htought like oyu might be able to just get rid of her as no contract ? don't know if law would see it htis way ?

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jura · 14/08/2006 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 14/08/2006 13:33

muumydoc- not totally sure but fairly sure that emplyment law doesn;t see it that way. Even if you have an FTC if they have been with you for more than a year then you either have to make them redundant (which you could do, with notice, if you used a nursery) or sack them. If you just say the contract has ended, and then went out to get another nanny, then you haven't provided a good enough reason to get rid.

jura · 14/08/2006 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Uwila · 14/08/2006 13:37

mummydoc, I think technically you can just end it. But, I don't think you can guarantee it would go your way if she wanted to take you to court. It is probably better to play it safe and give her notice.

However, I do think you could give her immediate notice based on gross negligence if you really wanted. But, I personally think it's better to have a month and part on good terms rather than immediate departure on ad terms wher she might decided to visit CAB and give you a rough ride.

I would probably make up something to end it on good terms. I would say I can't afford her, or nursery is better, or something else that is due to no fault of her own. Then,I'd write a very mediocre reference, leaving gaping holes, then when someone called me I'd tell them the truth... the whole truth.

Blu · 14/08/2006 13:38

She is doing the job the way it suits her life, not the way you ask her to do it. That could maybe be sorted - specificaly ask her to return for dd's nap etc.
But I think leaving your dds with someone not employed by you, not agreed with you that she should do so, not (presumably) police-checked is serious dereliction of duty and quite shocking. How did you find out about this?

If you find the right nursery, your dds will have a really enjoyable experience - they are not babies anymore and will enjoy the company - and 3 days a week is not a lot at all.

If it was me (and i did employ a nanny for a while) I would sack her over the leaving your dd with friend and teenager as gross misconduct. Otherwise, what is your notice period? Tell her you are sending dds to mursery, give notice but be very direct and explict and say that she must not leave dds with anyone else AT ALL, and must bring home for dd2's naptime etc. i.e Manage her - which it sounds a little as if if you haven't done a lot of!

Original poster

mummydoc · 14/08/2006 13:41

thankyou again everyone, so glad uwila would also make up something, she is away on 2 weeksleave so will give months notice on return and have just called very fab nursery at my dd1's school who can give us 2 days a week from after oct 1/2 term - yippee . now off to sort out my days at work as don't actually fit with days offered by nursery . ifeel so much better now .

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Original poster

mummydoc · 14/08/2006 13:44

blu - you are very right , typical first time employers i suppose and find the relatiobship with nanny odd as she looks after my children and therfore i suppose i feel very vulnerable.

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