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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Au-pair's bedroom - sacrosanct space, or spare room?

57 replies

TooBusyByHalf · 18/02/2014 22:07

We currently have a kind of au-pair but she's the niece of a good friend so we treat her very much as part of the family. This includes her (very occasionally) giving up her room to an older relative coming to stay for a night - when she would sleep on a sofa-bed instead, and (slightly more often) allowing us to use 'her' room for guests when she is away anyway (e.g. for a weekend visiting friends). She has no problem with either of these arrangements.

She is leaving in May and we are planning on getting someone new. But it is unlikely to be a family friend, so we are worried about what to do in these situations. The bed in the au pairs room is the only one suitable for a couple, or for older visitors, so though we are happy to put visiting young adults on the sofa bed there will be some who can't do that.

My worry is that the room an au pair gets is their only private space and should not be used by others at all; my DP says they are young, flexible and won't mind, and where she's from (New Zealand) it's quite normal for kids / teenagers / young adults to be moved around for guests and no-one thinks anything of it. She thinks I'm quite barmy even for worrying about it.

The other option I suppose would be to give up our own room instead (and sleep on the floor somewhere).

If we make it clear when we recruit that they may (rarely, e.g 3 times a year) be asked to give up their bed for a night or two, would that be acceptable do you think? and is it normal to use their room for guests when they are away for a weekend?

Do you agree with me or DP?

OP posts:
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BumpBirthBaby · 21/02/2014 23:22

I disagree and agree.

If AP/Nanny are there then no way should they be asked to sleep elsewhere. It is their room and I would leave a position if this happened.

However, as a Live in Nanny, I feel that (if asked) whilst I am away for weekends then guests are more than welcome to use the room. After all it is your home, you own the room and as I am not using it then why not let someone else use it?

However in my house we have the motto of a 'bed is a bed' and anyone is welcome to use them. As long as the guest doesn't rummage in my drawers/cupboard space.

What does REALLY ANNOY ME is being asked to change my bed linen and sheets for the said guest, a task that I hate doing and also don't feel I should be doing to benefit the guest/employer!! I always then have to change my sheets back to mine when I get back to work!

northlondoncat · 02/03/2014 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouAreTalkingRubbish · 03/03/2014 00:51

I know the thread is a bit old but I think this is doable by bribery! Offer her £10 - £15 per night (or whatever you think will work) to give up her bed. If you offer the right amount then she may well be very happy with the arrangement.

Notquitesureagain · 03/03/2014 12:48

We've had a number of au pairs. I'd never ask them to give up their room for our visitors.

However, if they're away on holiday and we have guests staying I'd have no problem asking if we could use their room (obviously I'd do the bed-changing before and after). Similarly if we're away, I don't mind them putting a friend or family member up in our room (provided again that bed-changing is done by them).

MerryMarigold · 03/03/2014 12:51

It's still got all her stuff in it. She may feel obliged to tidy up when she wouldn't otherwise. I would suggest buying a double sofa bed. You can get them on ebay quite cheaply, and give up your room. Or (depending on DC), you can get a bunk bed that has a double on the bottom, which could be used for guests or for all DC to share whilst they gave up their room.

Johnogroats · 03/03/2014 16:19

We have used APs room at Christmas when he is away (he has no problems with that) and as quid pro quo, we have had APs' families to stay with us (must have saved last AP's family about 2k).

In our previous house we asked AP to move out about 3 times (into DS1's room), for a night and she was fine with that. I know I will get flamed for saying that, but she had no problem with it. I would avoid it if I could but for us at that time it was the only solution.

SebbysMum · 03/03/2014 21:49

We have twice, with our au pair's knowledge, used her room for our family while she has been away for long breaks back home. I don't think she minded and I made sure the bed was fresh and ready for her on her return. We allow her to have her guests to stay in the spare room. This thread has made me think again about this situation but I would still ask do this again in similar circumstances.

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