Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Childminder discipline

71 replies

Duffdaddy · 22/01/2014 21:30

My two and a half year old has been going to his childminder for 1 year. On the whole he gets on very well with her and the other children in the group . She is in my own opinion a supernanny like. When it comes to discipline. I over the last few weeks my boy has been refusing to take his shoes off when in the house. Therefor he remaines in the hallway untill he decides to take them off. This has on occasions been upto 45mins. I am thinking that this is excessive ?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NickNacks · 22/01/2014 21:47

What would you prefer her to do? Genuine question.

ChippingInWadesIn · 22/01/2014 21:49

... and she told you this?

sleeplessinderbyshire · 22/01/2014 21:56

I think it depends how this works. If it's a lighthearted but deadly serious "ok then, if you want to keep you shoes on you stay here, we're going to play in the playroom, feel free to join us when your shoes are off" then I'd think it's a sensible workable effective strategy which he's get the hang of. If it's shutting him in the hallway and shouting then it's less ok (I'd personally probably rugby tackle the child rip shoes off triumphantly and get on with the day but that's why I'm a slummy mummy and not a childminder)

lilyaldrin · 22/01/2014 22:34

Would you prefer she pinned him down and wrestled them off?

NannyLouise29 · 22/01/2014 23:29

I agree with sleepless, if it's presented to him in a light way which effectively gives your son the choice of taking off his shoes and then joining everyone else he will be learning some valuable life lessons about social boundaries. He will catch on quickly.

It's the kind of approach I'd use!

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/01/2014 07:07

It's what I would do and say and have done in the past

Assume he used to take shoes off so it's not something new and assume all other kids take theirs off

Support cm :)

Artandco · 23/01/2014 07:14

I think it's fine. I'm assuming as above its done in a ' ok, once you take them off you can come and join etc'

It's what I would do. Keep checking every 5 mins if he wants me to take them off now but otherwise what can she do. I'm assuming its wet/ muddy outside and we isn't going to want him and all the other children to crawl/ play on dirty floors

minderjinx · 23/01/2014 09:49

I have a no shoes rule for little ones. I'm not especially obsessive about dust and mud, it's that they can hurt themselves and each other much more if they step on fingers or clamber over each other in shoes than if they were in socks. She will naturally be reticent to use any sort of physical intervention to force him to remove his shoes, and that would in any case not really be teaching him the right lesson (and probably also result in wailing or tantrumming child). I think I'd be supporting her as long as she is not being unpleasant about it.

MPB · 23/01/2014 11:29

45 minutes really? Your boy has a will of steel. As a CM I use similar sanctions, because let's face it what else can I do?

What would you have your CM do? Let him get away with it? Wrestle them off him? Shout at him?

He will learn to do as he is told.
Do he do the same for you? And how do you handle it? Do you give in a let him have his own way?

LingDiLong · 23/01/2014 13:09

I don't think there's anything wrong with that approach, and I understand that it's important to avoid using force if possible. Personally though I'd just take his shoes off for him and avoid the 45 minute stand off, if it's clear he's not going to do it himself and if I could do it without risking injury to the child and myself. Will he take the shoes off for you if you tell him to before you leave OP? How about letting him choose a nice pair of slippers to wear there if he takes them off when asked?

FlorenceMattell · 23/01/2014 13:19

Could he choose a pair on indoor shoes with you that he would like to wear? why doesn't he want to take shoes off? Does he like going to the child minder? Does he think if he leave his shoes on he will not have to stay?
I am a nanny and a mum. Depending on the child I would explain why we cant have outdoor shoes inside. Mud, dirt and crawling babies. Then I would either take his shoes off if I can do so without a him physically resisting. If not he would sit and in the hall and join us when he is ready. Yes keep it light hearted. But at the end of the day he has to learn that sometime he has to do what he is told. We all do. It is part of life. Schools have rules, work has rules, driving we have rules.

OutragedFromLeeds · 23/01/2014 13:46

I think she's absolutely spot on.

Is it in the morning this is happening or when they get back from playgroup/school run?

If it's in the morning why not just drop him off in his socks/slippers?

FlorenceMattell · 23/01/2014 14:01

Good idea Leeds socks and slipper in the morning, avoid a battle.

HSMMaCM · 23/01/2014 16:53

Don't forget his shoes though, in case they go out.

Original poster

Duffdaddy · 24/01/2014 00:15

Firstly thank you for your replies . While I am still unsure of what I think should happen. I certainly don't think that a wrestling match should take place. I do however feel that 40+ mins.. Is excessive and some alternative should and will be looked at if this continues. As for the indoor shoes good idea. Although he does not like to wear slippers at home . This happens as far as I am aware , when they all get back to CM house , from his home an outing etc. as for his will of steel , I think he gets that from his mother , and yes CM told what happens .

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/01/2014 00:36

Sometimes children (and adults lol) need to follow instructions and do what they are told

Do you think cm should say there there never mind keep shoes on?

What happens over something else that a 2yr doesn't want to do?

Do you give in?

I think the cm is right. It's a battle of wills and he has to learn to do the same as other children

Same as if a child doesn't want to eat tea - I'm
Not going to force feed - but they still need to sit at the table and wait for others - rather then go and play

Maybe getting your ds to start taking his shoes off at home may help?

If nothing else it's good manners to take shoes off in someone else's house :)

MissPryde · 24/01/2014 00:49

Sounds like the cm has an amazing amount of patience. I think she's spot on in her handling of the situation. 45 minutes might seem excessive, but remember, it's your child choosing to wait that long - it isn't as if she's putting him in a timeout for that length of time, he's got a superb will and he's making the choice to wait, he's of an age to understand it. This is a far better solution than forcing his shoes off, or giving in, which would enforce his behavior and lead to many more battles.

The only thing I would worry about is if your child is crying and distressed as this happens. (And not crocodile tears) If he's ever alarmed or genuinely distressed the cm should be taking care to soothe him - not necessarily giving in, but soothing him while positively encouraging him to take his shoes off, come inside and play, and still making sure his needs are met - for example, if he's very hungry when they return to the house, as it's snacktime, his refusal and tantrums may be the result of this hunger. She could feed him before they return, or right there in the hallway, and avoid the battle.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/01/2014 04:46

I rem a friend of mine (nanny) had 2yr and was refusing to say thank you and get down after meals so would stay at table (while we were there for an Easter egg party) and still refuses to say thank you for 45 mins

Used to say it then refused and would sit there - again a battle of wills but again I would hae done the same and left there

Nanny kept coming in every 5 mins or so and seeing if child would say anything

Some may say extreme but if used to do it then need to carry on - so same with shoes

Original poster

Duffdaddy · 24/01/2014 07:55

My boy does take his shoes and jacket off in the house . There has been occasions when he has been upset.

OP posts:

FlorenceMattell · 24/01/2014 08:12

Hi Duffdaddy
You sound upset today too. I agree 40 minutes is a long time. Re your little one not wearing slippers at home, indoor shoes could be just that, shoes he doesn't wear outside. So if he doesn't like slippers could you buy a soft trainer like shoe?
Battles of wills with toddlers are never a good idea IMO . Lots of toddlers are stubborn is part of development asserting theirselves as individuals. The saying 'pick your battles" is good advice.
Have you told the childminder how much this has upset you? I think a talk with her is needed. Find out if anything has changed, is their a new child he doesn't like?

Original poster

Duffdaddy · 24/01/2014 08:39

Thanks, FlorenceMattell . While I agree that it is a part of development , to think he is sitting or standing in a hallway for such a time . I feel that rather than making it a battle of wills( like its a competition ) between an adult and a very young child is in my opinion is a bit strange. While he has got to learn that there are rules in life . I think possibly might simply be communicating that he wants to go out.

OP posts:

FlorenceMattell · 24/01/2014 08:59

Yes I agree he is trying to communicate something. That's why I wonder if something else is bothering him. And it is never a good idea to battle with toddlers if you can avoid it. If your son was my own child I would simply take his shoes off, and all the time be explaining why.
You need to find out why she doesn't simply take his shoes off for him?
Might be a good reason eg he fights back. Or maybe she expects him to do it himself. He is still little and although good to encourage him to do this a little help doesn't hurt.

insancerre · 24/01/2014 10:01

probaly not handled the best way
I would have said breezily
"well it's up to you, you can leave your shoes on but you won't be able to play. You will have to sit there until you do take them off"
I would have found somewhere for him to sit, probably on a chair near the door way, where he can see what is going on in the room.
I expect that he would sit there for a bit and then decide to take his shoes off and join in the play. if he can't manage his own shoes, and many 2 year olds can't, then I would keep asking him every few minutes if he was ready to came and join in the play. Eventually, he will realise he is missing out.
But, it is easier to say what you would have done than to deal with it in the moment of it.
The one thing I would not have done is to let him keep his shoes on.

sebsmummy1 · 24/01/2014 10:06

I wouldn't want that to be happening regularly, but as a one off to prove a point then i would be fine with it.

Personally i think there are lots of methods that can be employed before you get to a stand off position, and both you and the CM should be working together to implement the same strategies. To my mind it is totally pointless if you allow him at home to get his own way and pander to tantrums etc if your CM is trying to make a point by making him stand in her hallway for 45 mins.

Goldmandra · 24/01/2014 10:17

If he approach is cheerful and positive, she is regularly inviting him to take his shoes off and join in so he feels welcome, she's leaving the door open she he is supervised and doesn't feel isolated and she praises him then lets it go when he does take them off, she is doing a good job.

I do however feel that 40+ mins.. Is excessive and some alternative should and will be looked at if this continues.

40 minutes is excessive but he is choosing that length of time, not her. If you don't want her to take his shoes of without his permission, the only other alternative is to allow him to come in with them on and that wouldn't do anyone any favours.

It doesn't sound like you have a better alternative in mind. What would you do if he did this at home?

Do you mean he wants to go out in the garden. Does she allow the children free access to the garden? Have you suggested this to her?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread