Almost feeling suffocated by nanny in home

[Sheissmallandveryspidery]

I have a brilliant day nanny. She is great with the kids- a little bit strong in doing things her way at times but overall she is fab.

The issue is me. I cannot bear having her(or anyone - it's not personal) in my home. I feel panicky that there isn't anywhere left that is my space. I really need space and solitude and early have people over (but go out lots instead) as I dislike having people in my house.

I just feel suffocated that I don't have anywhere private anymore . House is too small to shut off certain rooms.

Even worse is when she has people around that i don't know. I feel dreadful about this, I feel judged but people I don't even know. I just hate it.

I know I need to lighten up and unclench and all that but this is my home and I feel uncomfortable. I think the only cure is to find different Childcare but that would compromise kids (though significantly help my creaking finances).

Anyone else felt like this?

Thanks Eden. I am really doing my best to get over this. I think she is wonderful and I don't want to upset her as employee or person.

So the overlap is just short and was with us too - daily nanny. It is more the thought that all day she and her friends have been seeing your things because yo have that specific psychological issue about those issues, which most people do not have. Could you not just lock your bedroom and keep most personal things in that room. There is this loss of privacy. When we have had a cleaner it is a similar issue - she will know everything, empties the bins, sees your knickers etc and for most of us you tolerate that privacy intrusion as it's better than spending hours cleaning every week but in your case you probably are just going to have to tolerate it and perhaps think of ways to make it matter less to you.

I meet a lot of bored and lonely nannies at playgroups and the like (and am happy to have a chat and encourage our respective children to play together). I can fully appreciate that it is an isolating job.

But I can also relate to the OP who is not comfortable with having strangers in her home, even if she is not there herself. I love having a houseful of children, or invited adult guests, but we had a cleaning company who kept sending different people (contrary to our original agreement) and it did bother me, to the point that I decided I would dispense with their services (though it did help the decision that they were also not very effective). I don't think I am particularly shy, retiring or paranoid, I just think I have a right to decide who comes to my house.

So I would say that it is perfectly reasonable for you to decide who you would like to visit, and up to your nanny to find daytime activities which provide the variety and company she wants. In fact, there are plenty of people who don't have that opportunity, so I don't think she would be hard done by.

Minder jinx - I know exactly what you mean. I have been a nanny all my adult life so working in other peoples homes and I don't think twice about it. But I do not like people in my home if I am not there! Even boyfriends! It's always been my home and they are welcome when I am there but I never give them a key (unless I need work done, at a push!) and if they have a day off and don't leave when I leave in the morning I feel antsy until I know they have left!

I do have people over at work but I do put it in the diary as soon as I know so my employer knows who is coming and when but occasionally they pop round at the last minute, I make sure it goes in the diary so MB knows when she gets home.

I'm a nanny and in my new job (4 months in) we haven't had anyone over due to building work so we've been meeting at play cafes (like a mix of soft play/toddler group with nice coffee) and that works really well. It's only £2-£3 at most of them so not to costly. We will have people over to ours when everything's finished, we have a lot of playdates at other people's to return but the kids really enjoy the play cafes so we'll do a mix of both.

Perhaps you could limit play dates to once a week or to one or two people your comfortable with and then tell them your happy for them to have playdates out like we do the rest of the time?

My boss felt so bad that we can't have people over that she doubled the kity so we could treat the other nanny to a coffee or offer to pay the entry fee for the other kid. I think I have a pretty good boss.

Your boss sounds nice :)

Soft plays etc are nice but do get expensive if do all the time - esp as harder to go to park and walks an feed ducks etc as of weather

I said earlier to limit play dates and to know what day people aRe coming over so least op can organise her stuff if she wants

Callaird remind me not to give you a key to mine lol

Blondes - I don't need a key to your house! Yours is an open house, anyone and everyone welcome! I also have an open invitation!

I love visitors, as long as I am there too. K got quite annoyed because I wouldn't give him a key!

Always welcome :) and regards to K as tech it was your employers place I wouldn't have given him a key either

I don't like giving keys out to my house as don't know who would suddenly pop in ie had dp son staying with us for a while and meant I couldn't wander from bedroom naked to shower or wee with door open incase he suddenly came In - from door you can see upstairs and bathroom right at top

Didn't mind him staying but glad to have my key back when he left

They said he could have the spare key, one day when he came in to get my key to grab his gym kit, when he left I had to plead with her not to "dig it out"! Then just kept telling him that she hadn't found it yet!

I'd never give out a key without checking first.