New nanny. Would this comment worry you.

[mummysboys1980]

Baby is 10 mths and not yet embracing the nanny (2 days in). Separation anxiety is putting it mildly.

During a meal- nanny and I present. Baby crying for no reason after taking some lunch happily. I eventually got baby out of seat as she was distraught, evidently still hungry though.

Comment along the lines of . " we shouldn't give him any more food now until snack time or he will learnt I manipulate to get cuddles during meals"

I said no and got said child back in seat to eat more food eventually but this comment is worrying. If we'd done as she said baby would have been ravenous. He's 10mths FFS.

We had agreed that nanny would be pretty much hands off (for baby not other kids) for the first week anyway so I wasn't interfering taking him from the seat during the meal.

Any thoughts nannies and parents with childcarers?

We had a agrees

You know I've been thinking about this thread and the other one about not making a new meal and really in neither case is the nanny 'wrong'. Your nanny doesn't have a fundamentally flawed understanding of developmental psychology although she might not be expressing/explaining it well and yes, her professional communication is a little on the didactic side but your approach just happens to differ from hers in your general attitude to food but she won't know that unless you explain it. Whether it would worry someone or not depends on the relative importance of many factors.

Food can be such an emotive topic and differ so wildly between families that it's not surprising it's often the source of problems. Most interview questions are around healthy eating and what nannies would prepare unless you know you have a child with particular needs or tendencies.

Food is also an area that is controllable by a parent in their absence. I think that is a major part of why some nanny employers get particularly hung up on this one issue. As a working parent you can't easily control what your child does or even when they sleep as there are so many variable factors. It is possible though to be very prescriptive about what your child is given to eat.

I'm a nanny and have often been part of a situation like this.

Every child, parent, nanny and parenting style is different and I don't think that either yes or no is the right answer to this - everyone has to decide for themselves what they find works best. Of course a mother wants to pick her baby up and cuddle him when he cries but this is the age when they start to realize what they a doing and what reactions their behavior causes. I was with my first little one all day every day including weekends for 2 years from birth so we had a very good relationship and mum and I were kind of on the same level. I am lovely and kind but firm and all my kids know that. Meal times are never really a problem - except if a parent is around. Children know how different people react each in a different way and they will start to use that knowledge at a certain age. For example with my little one if we were alone she would always eat happily. Mum coming in you could see her facial expression and then changing behavior, starting to throw food etc and mum would go and get her the much loved cheese which is what she wanted to have and she got it.

Your baby needs time to adapt to a new face but once he is used to that he will have to understand that that person will look after him and be more than just a person who's around sometimes with mum always next to him which he will only learn if you are not around. I would suggest a few days, maybe a week, with both of you around but every day you leaving them alone for a while slightly increasing the amount of time every time i.e. starting with just going out to get some groceries for 20 mins, then maybe 2 hours and so on. I find that it is best when mum is around for the most important things (especially bed time) for at least a week for security so baby doesn't think that the new person will be the new mum but just a new playmate and mummy will always come back at the end of the day.

I find it quite helpful to take new babies out for activities I.e. play groups where they are distracted and can concentrate in playing with the new playmate instead of sitting at home and looking for mum all the time. This can also teach them to trust the new nanny I.e. when they fall over she is there to catch them etc

Good luck, children get used to new things quickly - the most important thing is your gut feeling and make sure to show your baby that YOU like the new nanny and trust her so he sees that it is ok and he can like and trust her too.

You sound very experienced I totally agree