Feel uneasy about a nanny - should I tell parents?

[lechatnoir]

Bit of background:
Nanny 'A' has been with this family full time for 3-4 years. She started when 1st child was about 6 months old, baby 2 arrived within 18months then a year later baby 3 arrived. So fairly full on role for a young girl who took on her first nanny job caring for 1 child but soon had sole charge of 3 children under 4 (now 1, 2 & 4). I live near the family (know them to exchange pleasantries but nothing more) but nanny + charges regularly attend the same groups/park as me.

We've spoken many times & she's very nice BUT she really doesn't seem to be interested in, or even like the children . It's always takes someone else telling her one of her charges needs changing/nose wiping/is crying etc (so not great but not enough to get involved in someone else's business over) but in the last 6 months since she's had all 3 children in her care there has been a noticeable decline in her attitude & demeanour towards the children to the point where I & 2 other mums ended up discussing her today (after witnessing her being heavy handed almost to the point of being rough with 1 of them) and I'm clearly not the only one who has noticed that she seems constantly cross with them & disinterested to the point of almost ignoring their needs . I suspect she's over her head & isn't coping with the hours/number of children but don't know her well enough to do or say anything meaningful and actually, she's probably in the wrong profession!!!

As a parent I'd want to know if this was my children and as a child-care professional (cm) I also feel I have some sort of duty to act upon what I've seen but given I barely know the family, I'm not sure how they'd react to virtual stranger knocking on their door saying what a crap nanny they've got!! WWYD?

"It is quite typical. If you are nanny, the mums wont talk to you, neither will the cms"

I am sorry if that is your experience Quintessential, but it is certainly not mine, and I do go to several groups where nannies, CMs, parents and other family mix very amicably.

I remember our playgroup and I mads the mistake of trying to chat to a group of cm and they were SO rude to me. Stuck together like glue they did. It made me suspicious of them tbh.

Well, maybe Minderjinx, if the op was more like you, and the culture more welcoming the nanny in question would perhaps not have the same kind of problems?

I sympathise a lot with her, because in these parts, nannies stick to nannies, cms to cms and mums to mums, and I suspect it is the same in the parts where OP is. It just strikes me that the nanny might be quite lonely.

I go to the same groups & parks sometimes as a mum with my own children and other times just with mindees and everyone (parents & childcarers) mix really well so this isn't a 'them & us' situation at all. Nor was it a group of mum's gossiping about how awful someone's nanny is - we were both sat chatting & witnessed something that made us stop & stare so definitely not normal behaviour. As some of you say context is everything & I've seen & heard enough to think any parent would have concerns so one way or another (whether it's a note or finding someone who knows the family) I feel I need to mention my concerns & let them judge what if anything is appropriate action. Thank for all your input.

The thing is LeChat it's your conscience. If it's weighing on you and your instinct is continuing to urge you to tell the parents, that's what you should do.

I'd just slip a little note through the door, that way the parents aren't going to be embarrassed if its face to face and they can choose it ignore it. I would want someone to tell me if my children weren't being cared for properly.

I had a similar situation with swimming lessons, one nanny consistently turned up for the lesson 20 minutes late (for a 30 minute lesson costing £45) and then left the little boy sitting without a towel around him for 20 minutes after the lesson. He wasn't able to stay in the pool by himself as he wasn't old enough.
Poor little thing was freezing and crying. One of the other mums would usually end up comforting him.

Anyway, I got the parents email off the swimming lesson organiser explaining what was happening. The following week the parent came to find me in the pool to thank me for letting her know.

I would want to know as a parent

Oops sent too early. Clearly it is a snapshot and subjectivity creeps in - but if it was your child how would you feel?

Do not pop a note through any doors, notes can be lost and found by anyone.
The fact that you have come on here to seek advice tells me that you are unhappy with what you have been seeing. No one else can comment on the scenarios you have mentioned as we were not there. As someone else said, context is everything.
We have a duty to children and if you think she is not fulfilling hers, then you need to step in for the children.

Of want to know as a parent. While I understand that it is a snapshot, the parents can piece it together with the rest if the information they have. So they may have concerns already and this is the final straw, or they may know that the nanny has had a difficult time recently and they could support her better.

As others have said context is everything

I have 'told a 2.5yr off' for wetting theirselves as been dry for 4mths - keel saying go for a wee and they didn't - and got wet pants - I didn't humiliate them

Maybe talk to this nanny. Perhaps she is finding some aspects of the job hard - 3 under 4 is hard work - maybe a friendly ear over a cuppa while children are playing

Then mention concerns to the mb - are the children happy with the nanny generally?