Childcare with a commute

[GingerDoodle]

I appreciate this may have been done to death but I would appreciate peoples thoughts:

My and DH both commute; I will obviously be off over my maternity leave but will be going back. We leave at 7am, get home 6:30. Timings / jobs not really flexible for either of us.

Childcare wise, will be going back sometime between 4 and 8 months. Nursery's near home don't open early / shut late enough so I am guessing it would be a combination of nursery + childminder. The only nursery I have contacted so far sent me a shirty message about it being negative to leave your child in care for so long (thanks I already feel great about that one).

Alternatively my work has a very good nursery attached which is subsidised so financially a good option. The downside would be commuting with a baby - I have no problem with other commuters turning their noses up but am contemplating the logistics. I normally get a seat and the walk is pleasant once in London.

This would hopefully only be a scenario for a year or so until my folks move more locally.

Anyone who was / is in a similar position care to share their experiences?

Thanks!

I have had a mindee who started at 7.30 and finished at 6.30 (and sometimes 8pm), so it's not unusual - why would you want a childminder who then dropped at nursery? Wouldn't it be easier to just have a childminder?

The work nursery sounds interesting but (especially if you go back when LO is 4m) you should bear in mind that the evening is often the toughest time of day. Your baby will be fractious, overstimulated, exhausted and starving and the commute home is unlikely to be fun for either of you.

Maybe if the hours are that long could you employ a nanny?
Then at least your baby will be in his or hers own home

Zule - that's a point; I didn't think childminders would the mindees for that long.

Gumby - Would love one but the budget prohibits it.

Will look at CM's!

Thanks

I'd go for a CM. DP and I both commute into London. He does shifts so DD won't be in for long hours every day, but once every fortnight there will be a 10, 11 hour day. Personally I prefer the idea of her being in a family environment for such a long time when she is young, I'll look at nurseries again when she is a bit older.

One thing to consider with a CM is that they will be more flexible if you get stuck on your commute, if the train route closes or something. We're paying our CM a small contigency fee in case of that. It makes me feel so much better than if there is a worst case scenario (me and DP both stuck in London for hours) then the CM will happily feed and bathe DD and put her in the travel cot until someone can make it to collect her.

If you commuted with baby in a sling you would still get a seat and would still be able to do the walk.

Might get sick on your work clothes, but keep a clean shirt at work...

I would sign up with the work one if you can because you might be BFing and get on well with it - if baby on the premises you might be able to slope off to feed - or at least feed immediately before and after work and poss once at lunchtime.

Any way to keep your options open? Can you book in with both CM and work nursery, for e.g.? That way you will know what kind of baby you have, what kind of mum you are etc... What are the implications of cancelling either arrangement if, for example, you don't go back to work? Or you decide on the other option?

I have driven with DS to work (30-40 mins) daily since he was 6 months old. He is now 5, and I have loved (mostly!) the chatting and the singing and the "WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT!" and the rest. He's got a great vocabulary through being talked with, we play spelling games these days ("Can you see that c-a-t?) or I-spy. Because he's with me, I don't get antsy about getting back in time to collect if traffic's dreadful, if he's ill then the nursery is 5 mins from my office and I can collect very quickly, and it's all worked out very well. Also I think it meant fewer guilt trips as we spend a good hour every day chatting and the like, so it's like quality time on the move.

If you have a sling then getting to your office would be relatively easy (though make sure you've spare clothes there in case of chuck-ups!) and you'd have that time spent in closeness with your baby, which is wonderful for them and you especially in the first year or so. And because they are away from you for the least time possible (just your core hours) and are then cuddled by you on the train, I think it would be better than giving to a CM for 12 hours a day. I guess once they're bigger, an umbrella stroller would be manageable on the train.

Ha - crosspost specialmagiclady

I commute to work from the sticks into the nearest city with my two DC (3.5 and 18 months) and have done since DC2 was 1 year old - and I'm 22 weeks pregnant and will be working until 37 weeks!

We get the train, then two short bus journeys and their nursery is over the road from where I work.

Benefits to this have been when they got chicken pox/diarrhoea/etc I was able to pick them up immediately rather than have them in the nursery for 1 -2 hours while I finished up at work and travelled back.

Also, we recently had a train cancellation due to flooding and I had to go a very convoluted way home on several buses as no trains were running. I was very grateful I had the DC with me rather than worrying about who was going to look after them/the additional cost etc as I ended up being 2 hours late home! (as long as they have food and a couple of books they're fine!). Nurseries are quite strict on this and mine charges £5 for every 5 minutes you're late and will only keep them for an additional 30 minutes! . Even with a childminder being very late could be difficult and costly.

It also means I'm not leaving them in nursery as long as I drop them off later and pick them up earlier than I would do if they were near home and I get to spend more time with them.

As for the actual commute people have got used to us being on the train/bus and I've never had a negative experience (even when they've been playing up!). To be honest, if anyone was rude I'd have bo qualms standing up to them, it just hasn't happened. If anything, people have been lovely and positive.

Oh and I actually enjoy having them there and the one day i go without them to a different hospital it feels very strange!

I think a young baby would be even easier to transport - either in a sling or a pushchair and if it's only temporary (it is for me too as they will start a new local nursery when I go on maternity) it's probably a good option IMO.

All the best!

I don't think its a bad idea - depends a bit on the baby - some would love it - some might find it hard going - long day - wanting to crawl/walk around the train -
I would look at childminders as well and nanny share would be another opition -
and possibly some slight flexiablity would make a bit different - eg some homeworking/starting later /finishing earlier etc - for both you and DH I would suggest

If the nursery is good where you work I would go for that one. The most likely way you will be held up is on the train, nurseries and childminders charge a fortune if you are twenty mins late.

I'd go for the sling option and use the work creche. That way you are there on the spot if needed, and I imagine they will be a little more 'supportive' when it comes to minor illnesses etc.

First of all the nursery were bang out of order to critisise you like that.

I think it would be mad of you not to use the work crèche.

The commute could turn into a lovely mummy child experience, get a sling and when older take a napsack with food, books, drinks etc.

Bugger any cats bum miserable fits on the train, babies should be seen and heard... So what.

Be very nice to also know your baby is near you while at work.

I was a cm for years and although I tried to be flexible and smiley when parents were Late pickIng up inside I was fucking pissed off.

Keep bubba with you.

I would use the work crèche.

I planned in commuting with my baby, but then I had twins! I couldn't work out the logistics of commuting with two without a buggy, and other child care presented themselves.

If in the future I am faced with FT (long days) nursery for the children or commuting with them, I'd take the commuting option if I can work the logistics. Time on the train with mum or dad is better than more time in nursery I think.

We started DD in creche at 13 months and brought her to one near work. She was spending two and a half hours a day in the car. We lasted about two months - we couldn't take the screaming.

Now both kids are in a creche near home from 7:30am till 6:30pm and we're all a lot happier. It does mean we're utterly inflexible in the hours we can work on creche days but it's worth it.

I really wouldn't recommend commuting with an overtired, overstimulated, hungry baby.

I have parents with shifts and long work days etc. and although my standard hours as a CM are 8am to 6pm... I work more than that most days... mostly starting from 7am and working till 7-8pm. I have worked till midnight often and done over night care too. CMs are able to be more flexible generally.

Op what kind of commute do you have, train, bus, how long?
I moved ds from a nursery near my house, to a nursery on my worksite. Best thing I ever did. Mind you I commuted by car, so that makes a huge difference.

TB totally honest if I was leaving at 7am and getting back at 6.30pm to do a job that didn't cover the cost of an au pair or a nanny share I would drop the job.

Could you get some part time or freelance work outside London that covered household costs + (much less) childcare and freed you from the guilt and hassle?

I agree with EBD.
Presumably you and dh both have top level jobs, with very very good salary's.
You are practically gone from the house for 12 hours. And you said in your first post thta there was no flexibility for you or dh. And yet you can't afford a nanny. something is wrong here.
Plus, surely you should have had this all sorted by now. Near us, people seriosly put their childs name down, as soon as they find out thta they are pregnant, ( before they even know what sex their baby is!!) on a nursery place. Your cutting it a bit fine, to be considering these childcare options now, this really should have been sorted 9 months ago.

So what are you going to do OP?

although many on here say do it, i personally wouldnt

commuting morning and evening can be stressful let alone with a tired child - having done tubes and trains with children when going to london on a day trip can be tiring but its once in a blue moon - to do every day would be my idea of hell

seek childcare nearer home

oblomov - how do you know if the OP had a top level job - loads of people commute without having one -
also I think she is pregnant so its getting childcare sorted now seems reasonable to me

I would say give the commute a trial for a while with your baby; it may work brilliantly..

You say your hubby also commutes... travelling together would take some of the pressure off if you and your hubby both commute, and / or you could take it in turns?

I would have loved to have my DC in a nursery near my work when they were little. You can always change it if it doesn't suit.

Good luck x

Also - meant to say - when your DC is a little bit older, they often get a temp / sniffles that Calpol will solve and enable them to avoid a day off nursery...

if you're near the nursery, you may be able to pop in at lunch etc. to give Calpol, which in my experience was a big plus x

I have commuted with one or 2 of my children for 5 years (35 min). It's been fine. I like to be on the spot for illness. They do often sleep in the car home which can be a pain. In my view it is the least worst option if the nursery is good.

Due to a childcare problem, we've just had to bring 8mo DD in to and across London and then back again today, before DP worked and after I worked. I've just cracked open the wine to try and recover...

Honestly, though, even going just before rush hour hit, going on to the Tube and then train with the pushchair was not fun. And people were nice and nothing was too busy. I think the problem was that in the hour or so of travelling, DD needed both a nap and some food. Now I know this probably wouldn't happen with every journey but you might find that your baby will want something during the journey, and if you're on a reasonably busy train, its not that easy to get the baby out and feed them etc.

I guess that what I'm trying to say is that I didn't feel at any point during the journey that I was having some nice Mummy Time. I felt hot, slightly confused, and mildly panicking that DD might kick off at some point!

It depends where you are going from/to. My trainline is so busy at peak times I would not even consider it.

For those who seemed [shocked] at a nearly 12 hour day - really that's pretty normal for a commuter. I only live in zone 4 and will be out from 8am to 7pm when I go back, and that is if I leave work bang on time - before mat leave I was often out for 14-15 hours (until 32 weeks pregnant with twins). I have a nanny though as its cheaper than nursery for two babies.

And those questioning the cost of a nanny -don't forget the OP is only paid for the hours she works (9-5?) whereas a nanny will of course be paid from the minute she arrives to when she leaves. And nannies are paid out of net wage. You have to earn about £50k just to pay for a full time nanny on £10/hr for 60 hrs a week.