Advice on Nanny Reading on Duty

[fangmaboobies]

Yesterday I was working from home. Went downstairs to get tea and found DS (toddler) lying on the floor bored in one room and Nanny standing in the corner of the next room (i.e. poss trying to be out of sight?) reading a novel!

Very shocked, asked her to stop immediately and engage in an an activity with DS.

DS is not hard work, they had spent the morning in doing craft stuff & reading so from my POV she should not have been tired by mid-afternoon & they should've been out doing something in the afternoon.

When I checked with DS that evening he said she does it all the time and it makes him feel 'bad'. :(

Her contract ends in a fortnight as I am about to have DS2 (39wks).

I am swinging between talking to her about it this morning and possibly giving her some afternoons off (still honouring last 2wks of contract) & firing her and agreeing a week's paid notice.

I don't know if I am overreacting to feel that she has breached my trust & let DS down or whether talking it through will make me feel better / her change her attitude.

Nanny & DS have a good bond but she has avoided physical stuff like playground visits despite repeated requests & favours craft (ie lying on the floor) type activities. This combined with DS's comment makes me think she isn't putting the effort in.

help!

Have you talked to your nanny about it?

Would you ever read in the presence of your child? If its only a 30 min a day thing and the rest of the time is filled with activity I wouldn't be bothered. I think kids need to be taught to entertain themselves. Alone time in short measure isn't an issue for me.

When she gets in this morning ask her if she has her novel with her. And if she does, tell her that it is totally unacceptable to be taking your money whilst avoiding engaging with her charges and that if she doesn't pull her weight in the last two weeks of her contract that is exactly what you will be putting in every reference you give.

It'll make you feel better even if she carries on being a numpty.

About to talk to her...and no wouldn't read while alone with DS. My view is he has alone time when I am cooking meals/cleaning etc.

Not acceptable. If I were reading whilst working I would expect some form of disciplinary.

OK I spoke to Nanny & asked her what happened.

She was v contrite & said she always does give him lots of attention. However she then said;
-she was checking some fact re housing (it was deffo a novel)
-and that she has never done it before. That contradicts what DS says but maybe he could mean when she is cooking etc but he said she reads books...
Also DH has come home before and found them in different rooms & wonders if the same was happening.

I told her;
-her behaviour wasn't acceptable
-that I don't read when with DS and that I expect her to bring as much energy as me to the role (poss more now about to give birth)
-she should consider this her first/verbal disciplinary warning.
-I expect a bigger chunk of their time to be spent on physical activity.
-We have been generally happy with how things have been going apart from this.

gah..I thought she was doing really well..think that's why I'm so disappointed because it's flipped my impression of her on its head.

I think I will go with my plan A provided no more problems..give her a couple of afternoons off here and there as it's made me feel guilty - my mat leave starts tomorrow and so I could spend a bit more time with him.

Thanks for all advice so far..if anyone has anything to add about how I handled it, v grateful..I hate doing these confrontation things...although somehow I am the type of person who HAS to say something whether at work or at home!

It wouldn't bother me if my nanny was reading IF my kids were happily engaged in something like colouring etc

If they were bored whilst she was entertaining herself and essentially ignoring them then I would have words

I think speaking to her was the right thing to do

It's not confrontation tho is it?

It part of your role as an employer ... It can feel awkward I know

As a nanny I've never read while the children have not being engaged. However I have read my own book if the children are having reading time, watching a DVD (rarely) or playing happily with there own toys eg lego (there is only so much lego I can play). Obviously I only read if all my other duties have being done.

I think you've handled the situation correctly especially as she only has a few more weeks left. However I wouldn't give her all of the avos off I would get her to do batch cooking or tidying of play areas/child's bedroom so its one less thing you have to do.

I read at work and my employer is happy for me to do so. However to put it into context I would/have read (if I am in the grip of a really good book) whilst DC is eating his breakfast and I am having a quick cup of tea in the kitchen, whilst he has been having quiet time in his room (he is 4 and gets 20 minutes in his room after lunch if we're in the house) while he is engaged in an activity ie sometimes he takes himself off upstairs to "play by myself for a little while", if he's snuggled upto me on the couch watching a film.

However seeing as I have 1 4 year old charge who is constantly on the go - we have activities/playdates/p-school all week long it is very rare that we are about to do this. All though a couple of weeks back my boss did come home to see us in the garden, he was playing with lego on the blanket next to me and I was reading. I was available when he wanted me ie look at this, can you help with that, but he was busy and wanted to work on it by himself.

I am keen for children to learn to entertain themselves and will happily sit and have a coffee and a few minutes quiet but I don't think reading a book in another room is particularly proffessional. By all means set the child up with an activity and then sit in the same room but it just seems a bit sneaky to be almost hiding in another room especially when she knew you were upstairs.

And no, don't give her afternoons off! Get her washing and ironing the babies clothes and sorting things out, batch cooking for your oldest. You're having a baby soon. She should be making your life easier!

PS. Was she reading Fifty Shades of Grey, OP?

Haha Ebb - thats what I was/have been reading - seemingly it's passed my boss by as she had no idea what the book was about

How old is ds - you say he is a toddler then say he said the nanny reading made him feel bad - not what I would expect a toddler would say

Tbh I don't think the reading is a terrible thing / it's good for children to learn to entertain theirselves sometimes and if doing crafts all morning the nanny prob wanted a few mins

You have a nb baby soon and tbh your eldest will have to start having time to entertain his self or you will be run ragged

But doing it sneakily in another room is wrong

Don't forget nannies don't have lunch hour as such and 5mins sitting with a book and cuppa is a godsend to charge batteries

The nanny is leaving in 2 weeks and tbh you are over reacting saying you want to fire her now

Legally I don't think you could fire without first going through warnings verbal and written / tho may be wrong

I've read all 3 fifty and now on 90days rofl

Reading now and have no bubbas as gone out with mb and gp's

Not sure I'd take too much notice of what your 2 year old said.

However I' be pissed off it was me. She doesn't take him out? Yet you ask her to?

Just ride out the next two weeks and be happy she's gone soon.

I will add my nanny gets a 90 min break every day while DS naps.

God...its a very false environment for a child if their nanny is expected to engage with them CONSTANTLY unless cooking or cleaning.

I personally think that it's good for a child to see an adult take a break...it reminds the child that they are not the centre of the universe.

I'm not sure I would engage in this battle two weeks prior to contract ending anyway. I might say something (as you have done), but wouldn't take it any further. Some battles are just not worth fighting.

I would however organise an activity for them where I knew DS Would have some fun... Swimming? playdate at the park?

how long has she been ds nanny?

Surprised she doesnt want to go to park - swimming - see friends tbh

2 weeks to go... I agree with Strix, some battles are not worth fighting. If she is struggling to find things for DS to do then as Strix suggests, arrange something or give suggestions.

All children need some time when they don't get 100% attention... toddlers are usually happy to toddle about and get on with whatever interests them at that moment in time.

they had spent the morning in doing craft stuff & reading

Toddler I care for would have found that to be very dull. Doing some drawing, sticking or playdoh for 10 minutes if I'm lucky, is about all the toddler I care for will do. Real cooking (making biscuits) followed by pretend cooking making a mess but loving it is something that can while away half an hour.

she has avoided physical stuff like playground visits despite repeated requests

This seems to be more of the route of the problem, your DS like all children needs physical exercise, even if that's just going for a walk. Your nanny avoids that and does craft stuff (which in my view a toddler will not do for very long periods of time). You have repeatedly requested she take him out, yet she still does not. That should have been clamped down on sooner in my view. Too late now though, as she leaves in 2 weeks.

If you have another nanny in the future, clamp down on this sort of thing as soon as it occurs... your DS needs exercise, so ideally you want him going out every day. Sure it can be hard in wet weather, but toddlers can love putting boots on and splashing in puddles - so even a short walk once the rain has eased off can be fun for a toddler. If you have a garden encourage them to use that - at work I have a open door policy a lot of the time, if toddler wants to go outside she can do so - though I do tend to insist on shoes or boots being worn (white socks do not stay white very long outdoors!).

I didn't see about the ignored requests to do other activities.

My boss allows me to have free reign of our days; activities/groups/friends etc. However if she asked me to do something then I would do it. TBH I am not a fan of the park when it is just me and DC however we go (even when it's raining!!) I know other nannies will also have things they don't enjoy so much Blondes is not a big fan of arts and crafts, but we find our talents and try to stimulate and occupy the children during the day - nothing worse than a bored child. However I do make sure that my charge/s have down time, or that they have to amuse themselves so I can have a 5 minute break or while I am busy with chores as my bosses have all expected that I teach them that they can't always be occupied/dealt with immediately.

So what things does your nanny do with DS? How old is DS?

Doesn't she have nanny friends in the area?

I would suggest to her to place some ads for meeting up with other nannies and children. Then they will have company for play in the park, picnics, playgroups, visiting animal farms etc.

That will be good for both, your ds and the nanny too.

I would be at a nanny avoiding playground visits. Climbing, sandpits, slides etc are all extremely important for motor skills development and a couple of hours every day of playground, plus scooting, tricycling etc, ought to be "base level" care for a toddler with a nanny.

So DS is a couple of months off 3..

Nanny only works 3 days/wk and she doesn't work other 2 (by choice). Also one of her mornings with us she has 2hrs to herself (i.e. after she has done meal prep) while DS is at nursery, so in my view plenty of time to organise her personal affairs.

I am happy for her to sit down and have a cuppa in the sun while DS jumps on the trampoline down the other end of the garden & don't expect her to be hyper entertaining all day!!

He can get into craft stuff but not IME for a whole morning - I'm sure he'd get bored and I would have to take him into the garden for a run around or up to the playground. Also I think if he was more occupied then her day would pass more quickly - it's a bit of a vicious circle.

I let her have free rein on what to do during the day but have realised recently that they rarely go to park/playground/for a walk so have been asking could they go to park or playground as I have left for work...still has only happened once a fortnight at most..thanks nannynick, in future I will make similar issues a bigger deal earlier. Also I have told her when I ask, if she could get to the playground a couple of times a week it will really help me as I probably shouldn't climb up to the top of the climbing frame anymore with my 'pendulous' (thanks doc!) belly..

Thanks Ebb for good suggestions that she do some baby or food prep while I spend time with DS.

I don't put loads of weight on what DS said but guess my problem with the situation is a combination of she seemed to be hiding, DH's suspicion & general lack of physical activity.

Anyway, thanks all for all your advice...looks like we will all be ok for next 2 weeks and then I will have my memory erased of this whole drama by my new arrival!

I would worry about whether she avoids people. A bit strange for a nanny to prefer staying home (with mum working at home) than texting some nannies and run to the park to meet them. Ds needs some regular friends and he needs an outgoing friendly nanny.

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