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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny resignation - warning signs?

54 replies

katharinehepburn · 31/05/2012 23:03

We have had a nanny for nearly 4 years and have (up till now) thought we had a good working relationship.

However she has just handed in her notice for four weeks time.

She has found another job. Hourly pay rate similar but fewer hours. No changes in her personal circumstances to explain it. Nor in ours. All previous jobs she had stayed till the children were at least 8 yrs old.

I now have a distraught child (asleep at last) who thinks nanny doesn't like her or her brother anymore and I can't explain to them why this has happened because I don't understand it myself.

I guess what I wanted to know was, how common is it for nannies in a long term post (we will need a nanny for years to come) to suddenly decide to leave without even warning the parents that this was a possibility?

If she had told us she wanted to do less we could have actually worked it out quite easily. I know she is perfectly entitled to do this but to just do it without any warning leaves a bad taste in my mouth and an uncomfortable end to her employment with us.

Off to look at CVs now.....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GinevraMollyWeasley · 31/05/2012 23:27

Well, as a nanny all I have to say is I live in hope of finding that elusive long-term job! Pretty much every job I've had has started off being long-term, meaning at least 2 years, then circumstances change and I end up jobhunting again. Most recently because the mum has decided to stay off work after maternity. The only job I ever quit was after a long 13 months of trying to make it work, for the sake of consistancy for the child even though I was becoming more and more miserable (this was abroad). When I did hand my notice in the parents barely cared!

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is for myself and most of my nanny friends, leaving a position without lots of warning or a really good reason would be a last resort. Is there any chance something happened, something changed in the job or in her personal life? I know of some nannies who like to change, keep it fresh or whatever, but after 4 years it's odd.

colditz · 31/05/2012 23:30

She has given you warning, she's given you four weeks notice. This is the price you pay with nannies, to your kids she is a second mother, but to her your kids are a pay check.

GinevraMollyWeasley · 31/05/2012 23:34

Makes me really sad to read that, I know as someone in my last month with childen I've helped raise over the last 18 months I'm devestated to know I won't be a part of their lives for much longer. No child has ever just been a paycheck to me. There are far easier jobs than working a 60 hour week, with the constant snot, pooey nappies, tantrums, etc (ok not constant but I don't know how many office workers have to deal with a screaming 2 year old in their average working day!)

blapbird · 31/05/2012 23:42

I gave three months notice once because I wanted to help a smooth transistion for the family and to help them train a new nanny, it was a really horrible, confusing time for all involved like 'the long goodbye' I know it's confusing but a change is as good as a rest and she has the right to press the 'refresh button' on her life and bring her skills to another table at any time she likes.

Your children will adapt very quickly you are their primary attachment so the boat wont be too rocked.

Try not to let it leave a bad taste in your mouth, it may turn out to be for the best, it's better this way than she stays but is infecting the house with negativity.

Good luck finding someone
x

MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 23:43

I was a nanny to two wonderful kids that were NEVER just a pay check to me. How offensive.

Had things been tense at all OP, leading up to her resignation? Was she working sole charge or alongside you? I know I found it bloody hard work working alongside a mother.

blapbird · 31/05/2012 23:45

It is hard work working along side a mother
BLOODY HARD WORK!

nannynick · 31/05/2012 23:58

I have left a job in the past and I don't think I gave the family any warning signs that I was considering moving on. I gave a terms notice - it was a term time only job.

Deciding to move on, is a tough decision for a nanny to make. Sure it would be lovely to be able to discuss things with an employer beforehand but if you were thinking of leaving your job, would you talk to your employer about it, before even going for interviews? Would you see what was out there first, then if a new job offer was made, then tell your employer?

Maybe your nanny was worried that by talking to you about it, you would start looking for a replacement nanny, even though your nanny haden't resigned. Maybe your attitude towards your nanny may have changed if she had asked you a few months ago about working less hours?

How would you have liked your nanny to tackle this situation?

Original poster

katharinehepburn · 31/05/2012 23:59

She has sole charge. If one of works from home we leave her to get on with things with kids. I can't think of any reason on our part that she would just leave.

Kids will be fine. Have a few ok cvs among the plenty of terrible ones. Now need to start interviewing. Aarrggjh! Although next contract will have 6 or 8 week notice as 4 wks just doesn't give us time esp if whoever we find then has to give notice!

OP posts:

colditz · 31/05/2012 23:59

If kids weren't just a pay check to nannies, they would stay and do it for free like parents do.

But they don't, they won't work for free, they will leave if they get a better offer and it's silly to expect them not to. A lot of parents are blinded by the love they have for their kids, and the genuine bond they can see between their kids and their nanny, and they forget that if they stopped paing the nanny, the nanny would leave.

juneybean · 01/06/2012 00:04

What a silly thing to say, presumably the parents are still bringing money in?

blapbird · 01/06/2012 00:05

they're not just a pay cheque just being the operative word.

It's an exchange of energy, a nanny brings her skills to the work place and is given money for that.

I agree with nanny nick everything you said made sense.

But nevertheless as a nanny you do form a relationship with the family so it isn't a flippant decision.

Original poster

katharinehepburn · 01/06/2012 00:06

Nick she's off to look after much younger children. I understand that but was surprised because in all her previous jobs she had stayed until the kids are a few years into school. I think I would have preferred it if she had said that she was thinking about it for when ds goes to school in sept,although still wouldn't have liked it and stil would have been stuffed on the 4 weeks notice whenever it happened. I don't know really what the best way would have been but I really thought from her past experience that she was a keeper. And she's good, we didn't want to lose her. But sadly at the end of the month we are simply her job however find of the kids she may be.

Thanks all. Off to bed now.

OP posts:

MummySunshine · 01/06/2012 00:06

Of course we don't do it for free, it's our job. That by no means translates to the kids being JUST a pay check. A good nanny builds a strong bond with the children she looks after, and many nannys, like I did, will work extra hours or at short notice because we do actually care.

More often than not nannying is way more than 'just' a job.

blapbird · 01/06/2012 00:09

Maybe she wants her own kids soon?

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 01/06/2012 00:13

colditz - you are being really offensive. Of course a nanny needs paying, but for the vast majority of nannies the children are definitely NOT just a paycheck. The nanny would leave if the parents stopped paying, because - funnily enough - nannies have bills to pay as well. However, this does not mean the nanny will not miss the kids, will hate not seeing them anymore, will not do her best to keep in touch with them or will not break her heart over the situation in many cases. Your just a paycheck is out of line.

Katherinehepburn - I'm sorry, it must have been a real shock to you - not just her leaving, but the fact that you thought you had the sort of relationship where you felt she would have spoken to you first :(

I suppose from a nanny's pov it's a chicken and egg situation. If she tells you first that she's looking, she risks you finding someone before she gets a new job, but if she gets the job first then tells you, no time without pay this way, - but then she upsets you. Rock/Hard Place for the nanny isn't it.

It is wise to have more than 4 weeks in a contract as that's what most nannies have in theirs, so if you find one who is in a position at the moment, then you have a 'gap' to cover. It's not normally a problem for the parents to give 6-8 weeks notice if they want to change things - unless they have a nursery in mind.

What ages are your children?

Did you ask her why she was leaving?

colditz · 01/06/2012 00:13

Yes, yes, cross nannies etc. no its not JUST a job, but nevertheless, you'd leave if you got a significantly better offer, and that is what shocks parents, who have often forgotten that you are an employee, and that you are free to just leave if you want to, and this shock leaves them feeling shaken and betrayed.

There are loads of threads on mn complaining that the nanny has handed in notice. I say be grateful for the notice because it's not a legal obligation.

BBMs · 01/06/2012 00:14

Ive been working my ass off for the same family for the last 3 years... The children have never ever meant a paycheck for me!!
Colditz I think you are horribly wrong! A proper nanny ever sees the children as a paycheck! Otherwise I wld have never stayed with them for as long as I have..
I have given a 3 months notice so the family and the children can adapt to the idea of not having me around daily... Now I can say that I sadly regret it... The mother is making my life hell! So sad to see parents react that way when one has given all that one can give when raising their children.
Sometimes things change and you have to let go... It is bloody hard to change nanny or family in my case...
Op, try asking your nanny what is really the issue in order for you and your family to come to terms with her departure...
Wish you the best of luck finding the right person to suit your household! Xx

GinevraMollyWeasley · 01/06/2012 00:15

On the flip-side, to many parents we are 'just' the childcarer and so many nannies would be careful mentioned plans to potentially leave earlier than the stated notice period for fear of just being replaced straitaway.

I've never seen any of my nanny jobs as 'just' a paycheck. Of course I need paying, I'd be on the streets if I had no income, but I chose how I earn my money and my choice is childcare. Specifically full-time nannying, long hours and a difficult job. I could earn just as much in many other careers, probably more. I give up any chances of promotion or a career path in order to do a job I love.

With the job market as it is, although I'm seriously looking for a 5 day job I'm also looking at 3 or 4 day jobs and if I get one I'm going to offer to stay and help my current boss for free on the extra days till I get another job- I can't emphasise enough how much I'm going to miss these children and the family, they are really not just a paycheck!

GinevraMollyWeasley · 01/06/2012 00:15

*mentioning

colditz · 01/06/2012 00:15

Ack, it's too late for this crap. I wasn't trying to be offensive, st building straw men. I was trying to explain why it's actually fine for the nanny to give notice ie she is an employee, not a parent!

blapbird · 01/06/2012 00:17

I have given a 3 months notice so the family and the children can adapt to the idea of not having me around daily... Now I can say that I sadly regret it... The mother is making my life hell!

So sorry to hear this, it's exactly what happened to me when I gave 3 month notice (never again)

juneybean · 01/06/2012 00:18

I just wouldn't assume all nannies would up and leave for a better offer.

colditz · 01/06/2012 00:18

And quite why the nannies are so cross at me pointing out that they get paid and will leave if payment doesn't occur is beyond me. Surely it's a fact? Everyone seems to be in agreement that yes, a nanny will leave if you don't pay them, so why all the outrage that I said it?

exoticfruits · 01/06/2012 00:18

I think that it is very offensive to say they are just a pay cheque- in fact quite horrible!

exoticfruits · 01/06/2012 00:19

It was the way that you said it colditz.

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