Am I a bad person because I don't want to 'help' this childminder

[complexo]

So...a friend of a friend who just got their registration is looking for clients.
This person asked my friend for my phone number and email address because they want to come to my house to see my set up, and 'sit down' with me to discuss the business side of the profession and ask me questions regarding my practice and as well have a look at my contracts, policies and procedures, terms and conditions...because they need help, they are just starting and I am more experient.

So, I told my friend to tell this person (I know them but just say hello) to get in touch with their coordinator or whoever was in charge of theit CM course or just ask for help in the online forums or just gooogle anything they need. I will not use my precious free time to teach anyone how to be a CM because I want to use this time to enjoy my family and myself and I will not welcome this person in my house while I am working because I will be working of course. Plus I think there is a lot of information and support out there, people who get paid to do it. And I don't want to share mt T and C, fees and whatever else with someone I dont even know properly and is not a friend.

So my friend got a bit disapointed with me and pleaded with me to be helpful with this person, even if it means talking to them on the phone or replying to their emails (which I would have to do on MY free time....nooo way), because she was worried she would seem unhelpful herself and this person helped her in the past blablabla

So I just said that I usually go to XZY playgroups (person has a toddler) so this person can find me there if they want for a quickly chat and practical tips as I would still be busy with my own mindees OR I they could book me on my free time and for a small fee I would give more practical advice (but this was a joke) but I don't rally think I should give up my time to help a stranger specially if there is help out therr for them to dig and as my friend said herself, the person is lazy and wants everything on a silver plate.

And no, I am not afraid of competition, I have my lovely clients and a waiting list even for flexible on a short notice in case some mindee is absent for whatever reason. And I am closing my business in 18 months time anyway.

what on earth was she doing on her training course if she doesn't know this stuff?

I'd tell her to bog off

in what world does she think you are directly going to help a competitor?

ok so missed your last paragraph whoops but if she is goig to be self employed she really needs to be more self reliant

YANBU CMs work long hard hours, the last thing you want to be doing is spoonfeeding another adult

YANBU I totally don't blame you.

If it was a close friend then I expect you would help but as you don't really know her I don't see why you should.

I expect your friend over stated how much you would help and is now panicking.

Don't blame you.

I suspect your friend offered your services and help rather than the other cm asking for it. Now she feels like lemon for jumping the gun

gosh yes refer her to your early years worker if she approaches you, give her the web addy for the training bulletein (making assumptions here about your local EY set up of course)

Does your area run a Link CM scheme that hooks up new minders with experienced ones to give the help the new CM is looking for?

I hadnt been minding long myself when I helped out a new childminder,
(I have a satisfactory grading) Helped her with paperwork, showed her my policies, consent forms, layout of my SEF, tried to answer any questions she had..etc etc

She got a Good!

Not sure Id do it again tho..

YANBU. Time when you're not working is incredibly precious - I agree that if the new CM wants to have a chat to you when you're working it's one thing, but allowing her to come round and giving up all your knowledge and experience for free when there are other places she could easily get it is quite another.

YANBU, all the info she is after is out there easy for her to find, i think shes just being lazy & you shouldnt feel bad at all.

Sheesh. YANBU for not particularly wanting to do it and I sympathise and you have the right to say no. But I do think you're getting a little ridiculously worked up about this. People ask other people for favours all the time. The theory is that you do the favour and down the line, they owe you a favour. If you don't want to do it, fine, but I really don't think the original request is such a big deal.

I've always believed that this is something that men either seem to instinctively get or that they're told in some secret "how to be a man" training but that women don't get it. And I think it's quite sad. Mutual assistance and help can be very powerful.

Point her to this website:
www.bromleycma.org.uk/
It has lots of very useful info on policies, play, observations etc.

Or
childmindinghelp.co.uk
Loads of helpful minders on there

1st time Ive linked, Hope Ive done it right

What she was doing at her course I do not know. Tbh even before I done my course I had a lot of knowledge already because I went online and researched. Also this person has had their inspection to be allowed numbers and registration + not the grading one of course - so she must know the basics. To ask my friend to ask me to come to m house to have a look at my paper work, setting and ask questions about my business is just being NOSY. My free time is precious. If the information wa difficult to find or if there wasn't' qualified people out there who gets paid to help than I could m£maybe consider. I remember when I first registered my coordinator wouldn't leave me alone....however BlingLoving if you want to help this person I can arrange for them to come to your house on your free time , were are you based?

Even when my husband was thinking about to become a CM I told him I wouldn't give away any information and help would be minimal so he could learn the ropes for himself. If a person is not putting in the necessary effort at the beginning shows me lack of passion...can you imagine what kind of practice will they have?

Even when my husband was thinking about to become a CM I told him I wouldn't give away any information and help would be minimal so he could learn the ropes for himself. If a person is not putting in the necessary effort at the beginning shows me lack of passion...can you imagine what kind of practice will they have?

Well, I see what you're saying, and it's odd that she hasn't researched herself, but people learn in different ways, and some people like things explained to them. Not everyone is good at researching, (but they may be excellent with children). And actually, sitting down with someone who does the job on a day to day basis and getting their opinions/ideas is a very very sensible idea.
You sound incredibly unhelpful, that not only are you refusing to give this woman an hour of your time but you're ranting about her asking!
And if that wasn't bad enough, you've just said that your own HUSBAND was considering the same profession as you, and you wouldn't give him any help! Wow.
I'm glad you're not my friend.

Well you're not obliged to help anyone if you don't want to. You can say no. But in my opinion it is nice to help other people if you can. I do think that what you say here is a bit sad - "I don't rally think I should give up my time to help a stranger". If everyone took that attitude then the world wouldn't be a very nice place most of the time.

If you don't want to share things that you have worked hard to produce (e.g. policy docs) with her then that's fine - I would smile and say, 'I'm sorry, I spent a lot of time preparing those and I would prefer not to show them to you as you need to understand all the rules and requirements in order to prepare them yourself'. That's totally understandable. She's not entitled to benefit from your work and avoid doing the work herself. But being so reluctant to just have a chat or reply to emails? Hmmm, I think that's not very nice, sorry.

Complexo can't believe you would not really help your husband. I woul help anyone if I could surely she could at least ask a few questions.

No I wouldn't help my husband because he is the kind of person who would sponge off me and he does lack initiative. So is this other one: btw HE says he is a teacher in his home country......so should be good enough at researching and self learning. If people think I'm unhelpful and nasty that is fine, I know I'm a really open and helpful person and maybe that is why my friend offer my help to her friend without my consent. Her problem tbh. I'm disappointed with her too as she is someone who always had my help in many areas but has been letting me down and lying. Anyway I don't me to drip feed, it would be a whole new thread. And it is not to do with gender as well.

"If people think I'm unhelpful and nasty that is fine, I know I'm a really open and helpful person"

Not sure what the point of this thread was, then? You were never going to agree with anyone suggesting that it was a bit mean not to help, so why bother asking?

Well the thread title does ask 'am I a bad person?' so maybe it's not surprising that some random strangers on the internet are saying 'yes you are'.

FWIW i think YANBU. It's good to have boundaries.

I said he come get hiss lazy ass of the sofa and take her toddler to one of the playgroups I attend on weekly basis and I could answer few questions and give few tips. Open my setting and my home to a stranger. Who wants to see my paper work, T and C and ask how much I make, no no. I don't mind being bad if I'm bad by doing it.

I said he come get hiss lazy ass of the sofa and take her toddler to one of the playgroups I attend on weekly basis and I could answer few questions and give few tips. Open my setting and my home to a stranger. Who wants to see my paper work, T and C and ask how much I make, no no. I don't mind being bad if I'm bad by doing it.

And it was my friend's word: LAZY