Am I a bad person because I don't want to 'help' this childminder

[complexo]

So...a friend of a friend who just got their registration is looking for clients.
This person asked my friend for my phone number and email address because they want to come to my house to see my set up, and 'sit down' with me to discuss the business side of the profession and ask me questions regarding my practice and as well have a look at my contracts, policies and procedures, terms and conditions...because they need help, they are just starting and I am more experient.

So, I told my friend to tell this person (I know them but just say hello) to get in touch with their coordinator or whoever was in charge of theit CM course or just ask for help in the online forums or just gooogle anything they need. I will not use my precious free time to teach anyone how to be a CM because I want to use this time to enjoy my family and myself and I will not welcome this person in my house while I am working because I will be working of course. Plus I think there is a lot of information and support out there, people who get paid to do it. And I don't want to share mt T and C, fees and whatever else with someone I dont even know properly and is not a friend.

So my friend got a bit disapointed with me and pleaded with me to be helpful with this person, even if it means talking to them on the phone or replying to their emails (which I would have to do on MY free time....nooo way), because she was worried she would seem unhelpful herself and this person helped her in the past blablabla

So I just said that I usually go to XZY playgroups (person has a toddler) so this person can find me there if they want for a quickly chat and practical tips as I would still be busy with my own mindees OR I they could book me on my free time and for a small fee I would give more practical advice (but this was a joke) but I don't rally think I should give up my time to help a stranger specially if there is help out therr for them to dig and as my friend said herself, the person is lazy and wants everything on a silver plate.

And no, I am not afraid of competition, I have my lovely clients and a waiting list even for flexible on a short notice in case some mindee is absent for whatever reason. And I am closing my business in 18 months time anyway.

And it was my friend's word: LAZY

I agree with emsyj and I want to be her friend

I don't blame you - she is not a friend of yours so you owe her nothing. On the other hand, there might be a small sideline in consultancy to be had there, for a sensible hourly fee.

Well I think you're being a bit mean tbh. It doesn't have to eat into your personal time at all - If you're at home working anyway it wouldn't put yout you out that much to have someone come and see how you run things. As for paperwork, you can show her as much or as little as you want to. Fees can usually be found out if you are listed on a council website anyway.

When I first started up I visited a few local childminders to see their set up and pick their brains. They were extremely friendly and helpful and this was invaluable to me as I have never worked in a childcare environment before. I was not being lazy, I just wanted to be as good as I could be and reading things in books / on websites is completely different to seeing something in practice.

We have a really good network of childminders in my area and competition is not an issue. In fact we help each other out when one or other of us is sick / on holiday and we pass on enquiries if we can't take them on. It's your call if it were me it wouldn't bother me at all to give someone a nudge in the right direction.

You don't sound like you even like your husband.

You do not sound open and helpful - not in the slightest.

Your choices of course :)

Well he was in childcare before so he should know better. And he has a toddler so again he should know about toys, games, activities, development etc. Plus he has done his course. And my clients pay me to interact with their children not to spend the time helping a stranger at the same time the children has been looked after. If I wanted to help would be on my own time.

I can understand why you wouldn't want to provide all your policies and procedures, especially if they are from your local area but I must say I wouldn't be feeling the way you do if someone wanted some help. I've had people email me after seeing my website and asking for a bit of help, once I had a lady phone me up (totally not in my area) saying she's seen my website and I seemed like a friendly person from that so she hoped I didn't mind her phoning me for some advice. We must have spoken for over half an hour with me giving all sorts of tips for things she might not have thought to, what to watch out for and include on contracts and so on. She was amazingly grateful that I took the time to help and it didn't bother me. Yes my time is precious as I'm sure is the same for many of us but she was very nice and even said if she could ever return the favour in another way then she would. I ended up emailing my handbook to her which has everything including policies and procedures. Anyway, that's just me, made me feel good that I'd be so helpful to her. Obviously that's not how you feel although I don't see the harm in a very short email back to something with just a few bits of info?

looney - now you sound open & helpful :) Lovely of you.

So for anyone who really wants to help this person just pm me your phone number, email and location... and I am sure he will get in touch.

I am not a childminder and have never been a childcare professional, so have no information to give him. If he wants any advice on how to become a solicitor or set up a bridal shop then feel free to message me for my details, happy to help with that.

I think this thread was a bit of a waste of time, complexo - you think you are in the right, which is fine, you are an adult and are 100% entitled to be the ultimate judge of your own behaviour - but why ask for other people's opinions if you are totally unwilling to hear what they have to say?

Your latest passive aggressive post isn't doing much for your 'I'm a lovely person really' cause - you are just coming across as rather unpleasant.

No you're not a bad person. If you don't want to do it fine. I would just point him in the right direction like here www.childmindinghelp.co.uk/forum - plenty of very helpful childminders on there who don't mind helping out in their own time without taking a fee. Also ... in my area there is help offered to new childminders by those who are on the network. They volunteer to do this ... in their own time.
I also have had calls from new childminders who saw my website and rang to ask some questions. I never turned them down.
And my husband who is also a registered childminder got a lot of help from me as well when he was starting up.
How I see it ... if I can help I will ... one day I may be in need of help and I'd hope I'd find somebody willing to help me just because they want to ... not because they have to.

From your first post, no Yanbu, you are free to do as you please and are not obligated to help.

From pretty much all your subsequent posts. Yes you do sound like a bad person. Your husband is a 'sponger'? Not nice at all. You are also incredibly defensive and this doesn't make you appear open, helpful or nice either.

Why does this always happen on mumsnet you ask an opinion and soon as someone gives it you get defensive. You are not a bad person but a rather unhelpful one look back through mumsnet the amount of people that ask advice on here and people take the trouble to provide links etc. lucky they don't all think like you as for charging?? Come on look at your long first post perhaps you could have helped the lady instead. You obviously have spare time.

I said I was gonna charge as a joke. Look, after posting here I just realised that my un helpfulness is coming from a back story with my friend and things I've heard from her about this person. I won't go in details about it on this thread tough it will confuse things even more. Anyway I do help when I feel like and I think I would be more inclined to help if it was a total stranger on a forum or something, not someone in my area whose I've heard things about and I don't feel I can trust. I'm not back peddling here and I have no problem with people criticising me and I do think I might be a bit bad because it seems I am always on the unreasonable side. Let's stabilish than as far as my op is concerned I'm not bad but unhelpful but also the CM in question is lazy, not resourceful and dumb. I know that one of the questions he wants to ask and is confused about is how many holidays he can take and when. C'mon, have done his course and registration inspection should he know by now he is self employed and can set his own terms? I don't have patience. I expect being asked this by someone who is thinking about become a CM not a registered one...sorry for the typos I'm on the phone and I'm a foreigner too.

You make a couple of poxy policy documents on childminding sound like blueprints for something top secret.

YANBU to now want to bother helping a stranger, but you sound very self important and a bloody miserable bugger, frankly.

I think it's really lovely to help people out and I think you sound selfish. Why not feel proud that this person may see you as a mentor. Keep all your tips to yourself and take them to the grave.

can't believe that you are not prepared to offer any support to a newly registered childminder when you are so experienced. We all learn on the job (whatever it may be) and to not even point them in the right direction for further advice seems pretty mean to me.
Local childminding groups are often made up of childminders who are happy to offer advice and support- not for a fee either- why not suggest the new childminder tries one of those for advice ?

You can help by giving a link to the ncma or bromley sample policies. My policies are quite specific to my business, so I don't generally share them. I do offer help to new minders and about 5 yrs ago I was paid £100 to do this. Depends how much help people need. Some just need pointing in the right direction and some have been on the phone or round my house nearly every day. You should not feel under any obligation to help.

Totaly agree with above post. I am childminding myself for not even 2 years and the reason why I am so clued up it is because I do my HOME WORK and chat to other childminders at playgroups and forums, don't go to their setting to get everything chewed up for me. Also as I said before the person could go find me at playgroups and when I gave the details of playgroups I go to I also informed the childminding forum website link...
Wake up people this is a registered person I am sure he was given eery link he needs and I am sure the coordinators for the area is keeping contact with them because here we do have a very good support.
The common friend said, he is lazy, and I won't let a vampire suck me dry.
Same for my husband...he mentioned about working with me as a childminder...as soon as I said he would have to start from scratch and abd go through what I went through as a learning journey, he gave up....so obviously he was thinking about take the easy routem let me run the business while he would be another pair of hands whitout initiative...I am not saying he is a bad person and it doesn't mean I don't like him, but some people are like that...my husband hates paperwork with a passion and I am responsible for all the adm of the house and even his bank accounts...so to work together with him would be a nightmare...unless he decided to change which I can not see happening...

And actually, when I was doing my course, there was a man there whose his wife was a CM and he said she wouldn't help him with anything and even hide her paperwork away and he felt it was the right thing to do as he was learning a lot by his own effort.