Attachment parenting childminder - is there a call for it?

[LittleWaveyLines]

I've just gone back to work and I am hating leaving my DD, as I feel she needs me.

I am very "attachment parenting" orientated, and could not easily find a childminder who is willing to have my DD in a sling etc, which I would like as it makes her feel secure, and she is a baby who needs to be carried a lot (which is a complete PITA without a sling when you have things to do!)

Anyway, I was thinking that maybe I could retrain as a childminder, specialising in attachment parenting. (Currently a secondary school teacher).

I can't hand in my notice until October half term to leave at Christmas anyway, so this is mere idle speculation - but do people think there is a call for a childminding like this?

The thing is it is very difficult looking after all the kids in your care if one is in a sling all the time, plus really hard on the back. I had a potential parent who requested this and it was impossible with 3 under 5s. I tried it for 2 days. The kids I have who are not in slings are secure and happy and social as it is.

It wouldn't be parenting cos you're not the parent.

But I do think someone would do well with what's still seen as an 'alternative approach' of responding sensitively to the mindee's needs - slings/rocking to sleep/demand feeding/ blw

The problem comes if you have more than 1 child to mind

I would love to fin a childminder that would do that, I'd feel more like it was a continuation of how I look after my DD than putting her in a nursery. I guess you'd have to have very low ratios though

Um...how can you make attachment parenting work when you WOH? Isn't the whole point to be attached or am I awfully thick?

I think there could be a demand, you may even be able to charge more, and may even need to as it may not be possible to care for as many children if you have one in a sling.

Maybe do a trial add and see if anyone responds..

Totally agree with MuddyDogs - how could you possibly attachment-parent (is there such an expression) more than one child? And what would happen to your own child whilst you were attached to another child ?

How old is the baby? I wouldn't mind doing it for most of the day, but I would wonder how the baby would physically develop. If there was no floor play, no highchair time, no pushchair time etc. Also I would wondered if it would feel the same as you.

Having the baby in a sling was brill for me when I had 2 under 2 - it made it easier to look after them both rather than more difficult.

I think its just finding the care that's right for your family - our nursery was brill with 'alternative' stuff like EBM, BLW, cloth nappies, and children came home most days smelling of keyworkers perfume, so they were either getting held lots or squirted with perfume....

I am a CM and carried a child in a sling for one parent. It was hard work with the other children wanting cuddles, picking up, etc and didn't do my back any favours.

Have to say ... I was happy to do it and would do it again if necessary.

I think there's a big misconception here. Attachment doesn't mean literally attached every second. Nor does it mean no highchair/no pram ever. It's an approach which can work well with substitute caregivers as long as they're prepared to find their way of attachment caregiving (like the right sling).

I'd definitely use an AP-oriented CM, even if they weren't able to double sling just knowing that they were sympathetic to the approach would help.

You could do the training, which is about to become compulsory before registering rather than within 6 months, and set the wherls in motion then see whether it appeals.

I've looked after 2 AP babies simultaneously - DS was 9mo, other one was 6mo. It would be even easier now DS is walking/toddling.

I'd advertise on NMs rather than in here though

Of course it's possible. Attachment parenting isn't just about having a massively intense bond between parent and child! It's about being sensitive to their needs etc. I think choosing a childminder is quite an AP decision because it's one person for them to form an attachment to and it's a homely environment with normal, everyday activities. A nanny would be an AP-friendly option, too.

I used to know (vaguely) of a couple of people who childminded in this way, I don't know if they still do, but it does exist.

I think that if you are really interested in doing this you'd have to consider the following:

Keep your ratios lower than the maximum, which could be a plus point as it means in any emergency situation or time clashing situation you can potentially take extra children and therefore offer more flexibility - however, this is more difficult for you in terms of making money as your income would be lower and perhaps less stable. However, if you're doing it in order to spend time with your own DD rather than for the money, that might not be an issue.

Would you be willing to take on older children who may be home educated, even if this meant you couldn't take the younger ones to toddler groups etc? It might be a case that you could attend home ed groups with the older ones where the younger ones could find things to do.

I think you'd have to have a pretty stringent interview type process when matching new potential mindees to the ones you already have, which again may make things difficult in practice (especially financially).

You could probably scout out some general perceptions and potential clients if you try attending some local groups e.g. La Leche League, sling meet, home ed groups. Probably best to try the ones which are relevant to you at the minute but you'll probably find that the same circles of people move between these type of groups.

Oooh loads of responses! Wasn't expecting so many - thanks! :)

Thanks to those pp who explained a bit more about the mis conceptions of attachment parenting - it is possible to be AP and WOH - you just have to find another caregiver who is willing to be sensitive to the child and who will create their own attachment bond - it's not exclusive.

And it's not about slinging a child all day - it's about not leaving a child to cry on the floor because you have to deal with another child - you stick them in a sling while you deal with another mindee, then sort out the problem. It's about using gentle discipline, not trying to "toughen" them up but responding to their needs and trusting that by doing that they will become more confident in the future.

Being in a sling calms my DD right down - she feels involved. Being left on the floor while you do something else makes her hysterical.

Anyway! Yes I would certainly be willing to do home ed groups instead of the hell that is known as babygroups. I'm thinking of home-edding for a bit anyway, and as a teacher I may even be able to contribute.

I would not be doing it for the money - although DP is not well paid we could manage on his wage as we live very modestly and dont have a huge mortgage. I need a job for me for my self-worth, and would love to have other children around

Oh and I back sling her so wouldn't get in the way of other mindees wanting cuddles - and have tandem-carried with another child before.. and have a wide range of slings for different occasions. (Damn that FSOT board! )

I have bought a buckle carrier for my childminder to use - and she has now back carried DD most days, so I'm very lucky to have found a willing childminder for my DD - so thought maybe other AP parents would want a sympathetic childminder IYSWIM.

I think the other DCs might want a time to come first-where she just puts the baby down out of the way.

This is exactly the sort of childminder I'd look for . I ruled one CM out because she didn't seem to expect any settling in period with a 2 yr old who had never been left with anyone except family before. I wanted to let the CM get to know the child in my presence (so my DC would feel secure in a strange environment and CM would not be a stranger before I left my DC alone with her). I was told parents should just leave their DC crying on day 1, they calm down quickly and it's not a problem. They cry each day when left. I, the paying customer would view it as a problem, in particular because it revealed a chasm between our parenting style and hers, so we didn't use her.

I've got twins plus 2 others, and back slinging makes a huge difference to how much you can physically do with a baby attached. With one baby on my back I can get lots done with the others, including bfeed! On the front they just get in the way as they get bigger.

Also, I can't see any difference between caring for a mindee baby and toddlers/older children in this way and having several young children yourself who you are parenting in this style. Slings work really well for mums of babies with toddlers.

"I would wonder how the baby would physically develop. If there was no floor play, no highchair time, no pushchair time etc. "

^^ I find this comment just bizarre and I hope it doesn't come from a CM. If so it worries me that a CM could know so little about normal development (although in fairness I've heard HVs come out with similar tosh) . Babies who are carried in slings a lot don't need 'tummy time', and it certainly isn't necessary for babies to be in plastic manufactured devices to develop. Think about other cultures!!

I was told sling time counted as tummy time as the constant movement is really good for their core and neck muscles :)

... just as well as DD hated tummy time, so never had any - and she's walking holding just one hand at 10 months....

Yes, exactly LittleWaveyLines. Tummy time is an invention for babies who are sat up in chairs/swings/carseats/pushchairs all the time.

I have one DC who was in a sling practically all the time except at nighttime for the early months of their life because they were massively unsettled and my constant presence was the only thing that seemed to reassure them. Obviously they sometimes sat on my lap on the floor. That baby was the earliest of my three to crawl or walk (crawling at barely 6 months and walking unaided at 10 months). First time in a pushchair was at 9 months with grandparent, although had occasionally sat in a highchair from 6 months. Never had 'tummy time', nor did they lie on babygyms or anything else before they could sit unaided and play on the floor with me sat next to them (if I moved away they screamed!!). Thankfully the others weren't quite so clingy, but this baby's development was certainly not negatively affected.

So... the response is generally good - brilliant!

This may well be my new career if I can't make going back to teaching work for us as a family... thanks Oh Wise Mumsnetters!

PestoPenguin - sounds awfully familiar...... except the crawling bit... DD has never got forwards on her hands enough to crawl - just sits, stands and walks! She has had plenty of time in a high chair though as she loves throwing her food about, so it gives me a break where I can sit down

What's unattached parenting then? So for those if us who have dodgy backs and couldnt manage a sling or have toddlers who need cuddles as much as babies!

Was I unattached?

Attached parenting is just a name for a set of ethos - it doesn't mean to be a criticism of other parenting - just a name for a set of people who want to consciously parent in a certain way. A lot of people unconsciously parent this way - but for me, who did have very detached parenting myself - it is good to have an ethos to follow :)

Even people with dodgy backs can use slings - it's just a case of finding the right sling. Most "mainstream" slings get really uncomfortable after the baby is a certain weight (babybjorn more than most - I know because we started with a borrowed one in addition to a stretchy wrap around and it killed my back!).

Also, if your baby is on your back, what;s stopping you from cuddling your toddler? Surely you would have more time/attention for your toddler if your baby is happily cosied up in a sling on your back? Then brought round to the front for a feed etc so you can still play/run after your toddler while breastfeeding?

• My baby needed CONSTANT attention until I got into slings - I wouldn't have had time for anything without it - I had to leave her to cry even to wee - then I learnt how to visit the loo with her in a sling, eat with her in a sling, hang the washing out etc :)

Unattached parenting IMO is: dump baby in cot, feed baby every 3 hours, ignore cries and attempts to communicate etc.

It's a spectrum and I personally hate the term AP but it's a recognised way to refer to what we do.