Attachment parenting childminder - is there a call for it?

[LittleWaveyLines]

I've just gone back to work and I am hating leaving my DD, as I feel she needs me.

I am very "attachment parenting" orientated, and could not easily find a childminder who is willing to have my DD in a sling etc, which I would like as it makes her feel secure, and she is a baby who needs to be carried a lot (which is a complete PITA without a sling when you have things to do!)

Anyway, I was thinking that maybe I could retrain as a childminder, specialising in attachment parenting. (Currently a secondary school teacher).

I can't hand in my notice until October half term to leave at Christmas anyway, so this is mere idle speculation - but do people think there is a call for a childminding like this?

Sorry, voice of dissent.

You need to accept that you are choosing to leave your child in the care of a stranger you are paying minimum wage to look after him.

The CM will care for his needs, and might even love him. But, can't parent him like YOU would.

You takes your money, you makes your choice.

I just hate the labels. People have been carrying babies around in slings forever and yet someone writes a book, makes a lot of money and it implies a whole philosophy, as if you can only be attached to your baby if you carry them around. It worked for DS1 and DS2 but DS3 simply wanted to be put down-from a very young age.
I think that attachment (for want of another word) CM is fine if they are looking after one child, I wouldn't choose them for my toddler if they were always carrying the baby. I would want to know that at times the baby was out of the way asleep. However, people want different things from a CM so perhaps some people would like it.

I think that it is mean to say that CM are influenced by the minimum wage. Most of them are doing it for the love of it and because it fits in. They won't parent the same-no one does -but it doesn't mean that it isn't top quality care.

I agree completely with BertieBotts' post.

I worked part time up until last summer and our nanny continued our responsive, baby wearing, 'touchy feelly' style of parenting with our children. She developed a strong 'third parent' type bond with the children and is still very much part of our family (and is DD's Godmother)

And if you don't think it top quality then you shouldn't be leaving them.

"I just hate the labels. People have been carrying babies around in slings forever and yet someone writes a book, makes a lot of money and it implies a whole philosophy, as if you can only be attached to your baby if you carry them around. It worked for DS1 and DS2 but DS3 simply wanted to be put down-from a very young age."

And that's why I hate the term. It's responsive/baby-led parenting, not necessarily physically attached so for want of a better word, even though DS3 didn't want to be physically attached to you, you probably did attachment parent but didn't call it that, you just did what you felt was right which is the way it should be instead of reading a book about how to raise your child

I think people are too hung up on encouraging independence etc and maybe insufficiently informed about what attachment caregiving is. I read an article about the definition of a good baby bring one who can be plonked down and doesn't cry. There are babies who are just like that but we don't need to train a baby who prefers cuddles and interaction to do it that way. Those kind of 'good baby' personality traits in an adult could easily become passive.

If you saw me in RL you probably wouldn't 'define' me as AP, I was standing chatting at the park with a couple of other mums a few minutes ago while DS toddled round. He's now playing with a couple of older kids who think he's the bees knees. I brought him in a sling but we live in a second floor flat so everyone just thinks its practical. Cosleeping and BFing happen at home. I interrupted writing this because he fell over and wanted me. Nothing particularly special about it on the surface and in fairly willing to be at least one other family in this park cosleep and I know one is BFing her 10month old.

Rant over. I promise.

OP I think there is definitely a market for that style of CMing and parents who don't want it just won't use your services.

There is a market for anything-you might just find it harder to find them.

Exotic, I'm not saying that CM's are influenced by the minimum wage - I am saying that that is what they earn. Their job is to care for the child - not your neuroses, guilt or whims.

You are choosing to leave your kid in the care of someone else. Fair enough, nothing wrong with that, works for loads of folk. But, to pretty it up for the sake of your conscience and call it attachment child minding?

That's an oxymoron. You are either attending to your child's needs, or you are paying someone else to do that for you. One prioritises the kid, one priorities your job.

I can't really see how going back to work makes you an attached parent.

I was definitely at the tree-hugging end of the scale with my own children (extended bfing, slings, cloth nappies, co-sleeping etc) and as a CM I would say my approach is fairly consistent with how I treated my own children. I use slings and buggy, am very happy to use cloth nappies, work with parents who are bfing, do baby led weaning, use signing etc, and I do not leave children to cry (most of the other CMs I know think I am either soft or mad....).
The families I mind for have a fairly similar approach, although I don't think any of them would describe themselves as attachment parenting, but I know it was important to them that I don't leave babies to cry it out. I think there's definitely a market there if you're in the right area - I could have filled my places twice over by now and I've only been registered 6 months. However, I only take 2 little ones at a time (my own are 4 and 7, DS1 has ASD so I'm not doing before and after schoolers as it would be too stressful for him) and nap times can be a bit of a challenge with 2 babies who both want to be ''parented" to sleep - so your approach might put limits on how many children you feel that you can care for without having to compromise your approach.

Reality, I went for the childminding training. I looked into it really carefully and was almost set up...then I realised that the things parents wanted in exchange for their minimum wage payment was not something I wanted to do.

Each charge generates me minimum wage, of course, if you have more kids you make more money - but, it irks me that the salary for looking after the youngest and eldest, and most precious and vulnerable people we have, is, essentially crap. People thought it was ok to pay me £3/hour " because otherwise it's not worth my while going back to work"

If you want me to look after your kid, then let me look after your kid. Don't bug me with "Jessica only eats vanilla Waitrose yogurt off a pink spoon. Do you have pink spoons?"

Of course, reasonable requests are fine - but we both know that some people salve their conscience about going back to work by pretending that they can make CM care exactly the same as their own.

It's not. If you want your child to be raised in your way, then stay at home. If you don't want to stay at home, then don't be so ridiculous as to suggest that you are an attachment parent.

But that isn't attachment parenting.

I can appreciate what you're saying, and yes, that sounds annoying, but don't lump it in with "attachment parenting" as though anyone who ever uses the term is some kind of overprotective, deluded loon, or that they aren't "allowed" to use the term unless they conform to your narrow guidelines on what it is supposed to be.

AP is not incompatible with working, in any way.

Well the only request I made of DD's childminder was not to leave her to cry. And today she told me she did just that to get her to nap..... :(

:( for you. Did she mean actually leaving her to cry or did she mean she cried to sleep in a sling? DS has cried himself to sleep on arms before and while it's horrid I'd rather that than crying alone.

Op I do feel for you. But is the issue more to do with shared care rather than ap? Whatever the cm's approach it is sometimes impossible to simultaneously settle two or more children. Especially if one is getting used to a new cm and routine and sharing her carer with others.

Even if cm had your child in a back sling, if she was crying this could have prevented another child from going to sleep. If you are caring for 3 children at once sometimes the only option is putting one down for a few minutes while another child is settled quickly. I hope this is what happened rather than her being just left to cry it out.

Bertie, that's my point.

AP is just a poncy name for the other end of the spectrum from Ford's.

And, I had three kids in four years, so the way I raised them was different from the way their solitary cousin was raised in the early years. and, CM's have multiple kids, multiple drop offs and nursery runs - so, snack and nap times will likely have to shift on CM days simply because of logistics.

So, from a trade description POV - AP CM's is a nonsense.

OP another point to consider is how you as a CM would manage other parents' requests. Would you be happy to leave a baby to cry if the parent's requested this as it was part of a child's normal sleep routine? If you wouldn't you would potentially be turning away a lot of clients which would effect your ability to earn a decent income from childminding.

To Frakiosaurus - she said she stood outside the door for 10mins :( and today she did the same for 5....

wedoNOTdothat - I would turn away children whose parents want me to leave them to cry. As I said I would be doing this job for the love of it, not because I have to...
And I understand that sometimes a CM has no choice but to leave one child crying while tending to another - unavoidable sometimes. But that is not the same as standing outside a door listening to them cry themselves to sleep alone when they have never been to sleep on their own before. My DD just WOULD not nap yesterday afternoon or today - I think she was scared she#d be on her own again...

I think we'll be handing my notice in and just paying back the maternity pay....

If a parent approached me and asked if I'd support AP I wouldn't say yes. But I don't leave children to cry,so maybe I am an AP CM?

Think you would be better with a nanny where you have more say about how your child is brought up. I wouldn't be happy. If one child was getting all that attention what about the others?