mindee has taken a huge step backwards and i dont know what to do

[SkinnyMarinkADink]

I posted a while back about my mindee who wouldn't eat anything with lumps and only jars.

Well i persevered and got him to a stage where he was eating my veg mashed up with a small amount of jar to start him eating. last week he was even eating the 10 month ones with huge lumps and learning to chew. it was great progress and i answer his mum were thrilled.

Cue yesterday he would not eat a single thing apart from his breakfast i did exactly the same as i have been doing but he was just spitting it everywhere and throwing huge tantrums. his behaviour has also deteriorated and is kicking screaming and won't do anything he is asked. he even lashed out at me when i removed him from a disagreement with my dd.

I asked mum if anything different happened at the weekend and she said they were out for most of it so he had only had snacks and chips for his lunches. She gave him jars but was just not interested.

Today has been the same story. although he threw a big tantrum and the bowl of food went everywhere resulting in him needing a wash. he's now asleep in bed.

I really do not know what to do any more i am in early pregnancy and this stress is awful playing on me. i am also

How old is he skinny ?

He is now 16 months

I am also worried about the home situation. It all seems very tense.

I've spoken to ny early years advisor and she said to just keep monitoring it and if it gets worse to call back.

It couldn't get much worse to be honest. i don't know if i can deal with all this for much longer as its so stressful.

HAs he got any history of acid reflux (e.g., was he sick a lot as a baby, and bothered by it)? If so this can often cause huge problems with weaning.

I have two children who have always had feeding difficulties. It also turned out that they are both autistic although I didn't know this until they were about two and a half. I think you maybe need to take a step back and ask the child's mum what she would like you to do. If feeding is a major nightmare for you then you may have to go more for finger foods / snacks. There could be other things at play with this child or they could just be very difficult / fussy eaters. I am not advocating you suggesting to this mum that her child may have developmental problems but I think you need to ease off the pressure in case there is something wrong and also because if I have learnt anything about feeding my children it's that it takes a long time for foods to be accepted and that any stress on my part makes everything twenty times worse. One of the worse things about having a child with feeding problems is that others seem to judge you for not being able to fix it. It is actually sometimes very difficult to find the right strategy and is also very exhausting to keep it going.

When reading this thread, i'm glad that cansu suggested a learning problem. Beacause I was thinking along the same lines. Just as an idea, put the food individually on the plate. lay soft vegatables around the plate. Autistic children love order and often lay toys I would record everything and do lots of observations on play. I hope it all works out.

I agree. At 16 months, he may be ready for the next step of feeding himself finger foods. It would be so much easier if they could just politely and calmly explain all this to you instead of throwing a tantrum, but that's toddlers for you

I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time with him, but try not to let it stress you: they do get through these phases and you've done very well to have progressed him as far as you'd got.

Cansu, interested. Is there often a causal link between food problems and autism??

Not a causal link. But children with ASD often have problems with weaning and with food generally. As autism is not usually diagnosed until 3 at the earliest, parents may have struggled to feed their child and may only realise later that the difficulties were caused by their child's sensory issues or rigidity in their behaviour. I am only suggesting this to make OP aware of the multiple possible causes of feeding difficulties. It may of course be nothing at all to do with autism and simply be a child with a strong will or a strong dislike of mashed veg!

Ok thanks Cansu, it's interesting to hear all possibilities.

Good work skinny you sound like you are supporting mum when she needs it.

How old was your mindee when you first started looking after him?
Just wondering, from a different point of view, if during early part of weaning he was only exposed to smooth textured food so now is wary of it?
My ds is 18 mo and will eat anything - just not all the time. He has days when textures bother him and he will spit peas or lumps of food that he wasn't expecting it. He needs to see every component of his dish before he puts it in his mouth
When he was younger he went through a stage of gagging simply by touching certain finger foods, but is over that now
I don't think fingers crossed he has any sensory issues, but just think that he is sensitive.
Previous posters have posted with informed advice about outside issues such ASD which could be affecting him, but just showing that it could also e within the realms of difficult, yet normal.
Think I may have just rambled and not added anything helpful

Thanks for the responses.

i honestly do not believe that there are any disability issues with him. developmentally he is absolutely on track and is doing all the right things. the issue is most certainly down to his mum.

When he came to me at 9 months he only had ever eaten jar food its what he was weaned on. he had never had a lump which he needed to chew to be able to swallow.

I have tried finger foods with him. he won't even pick them up and try to eat them. every day i am putting something in front of him to see if he will eat it. unless its a chip or a crisp he's not interested.

His mum asked for my help. when a health visitor told her that her 15 month old should not be eating 7 month old jars all the time she asked me to help.

last week i had him eating 10 month jars with veg i.e broccoli. carrot. sweet potatoes and parsnip. he was loving it and doing so well. Then Monday comes and he won't touch anything, last night he ate a 7 month jar but no veg.

I don't know what to do. his mum is not carrying on with the plan at the weekend and feeding him rubbish so he won't want to eat for me!!

Has his mum got a fear of him choking, if he gags this might freak her out so much she is too scared to try lumps.

When I started on of my nanny positions the 18 month old was still on jarred meals. Within a week I started her on food I would eat eg salmon and potato, lasagne, pasta, steamed veges etc. She spent months gagging and throwing up foods but it did get better. When I left after a year she ate all sorts of food but her gag reflex was still weak, often food would get stuck and she'd throw up food. Parents continued to feed jars at weekend and on Mondays she was usually resistant to eating but I just got on with eating my own meal and she'd end up eating again. Unfortunately if parents won't follow through there is not a lot you can do, it takes time and there is no magic answer.

At 16 months I'd put a selection of foods in front of him and let him decide what to eat - no need to do jars. He may not eat anything but giving him the opportunity to explore foods in a relaxed environment will mean he'll be more willing to try.

Strong gag reflex is often present in children who have/ had reflux - just a thought. Might be worth asking his mum i f he was a particularly sicky or unsettled baby.

I would think that at his age, your mindee will already have worked out how to get his needs and wants known - if he knows that at home if he makes a fuss he will get the stuff that requires no effort, then he will carry on making a fuss. It's hard for you if the mum is not doing her bit at home :( I think you can just keep doing what you're doing, offering finger foods and food with lumps in. Eventually he may get used to it. But you can only do so much as a minder if the parents aren't helping you for whatever reason.

I sometimes find a bit of 'mind games' works well with my 19 month old - sort of, "ok, you don't want it, I'll take it away then...." in a sing-song voice. Often he then makes a fuss about the thought of losing it (!) and will eat it when it's re-presented to him.

Having said that, I know for sure that the approach wouldn't have worked with DD who is still an impossibly fussy eater to this day! Some children are just far more stubborn and reluctant to try new things - I think quite a bit of it comes down to personality.

You are sounding very judgemental OP. I am glad you are so sure that he has no developmental problems. I didn't know my own children had developmental issues until they were about 2 and a half. It usually takes quite a lot of investigation and observations to ascertain if there are any problems. Feeding problems are common in toddlers and it might be more helpful for you to stop seeing his mother as the problem and to be more supportive.

I would just like to add that my DS sounded just like the child the OP described and he has just been diagnosed with HFA (High functioning autism)

He is also extremely sensitive to texture (either has to be mashed or dry)

HTH x

Cansu if you knew half the story you would realise why i see the parent as part of the problem.

Prior to me agreeing to help her wean him he would come for a 10 hour day with a bag of quavers a pack of chocolate buttons and a jar of baby food.

I supply her with all the food she needs for him. for the whole weekend it doesn't get used.

I take him to doctors appointments for her. i cut his nails and make sure he is all ok.

i think it would be more helpful if you knew the full story before calling me judgemental

My son is 4.

I knew there were differences from just over 12 months, but they are only barely recognisable now he is 4.

Stating he doesn't have developmental issues is like stating you know he will get 5A* in his A Levels. You just don't know.

Most children simply don't WANT to eat baby jars, whether or not they are fed them for the weekend. Stop trying to blame the mum and start looking at real reasons for this.

What is it with people on here not reading things properly?????

I am with this child for 10 hours a day 5 days per week. i know him answer have a great bond with him.

What we have been doing would work if his mum was carrying on with it at weekends and supporting me.

There are lots of concerns with his home life which I've discussed with early years. i don't want to put them here as i may be recognised

Look, I don't know the back story.

I'm saying I have a DD who is 2. If (at 16MO) I had tried to get her to eat a jar of baby food, I would have been wearing it. At 2YO she refused to wear nappies. She is able make it know what she does (and does not!) want to do.

My DS who is now 4 would still happily eat baby food. That, or crisps. Quavers are a favourite. Believe me, in the line of people who didn't want there to be a rpoblem with my son, I am TOP OF THE LIST. But, the fact is, there is.

If you have this child as much as you say you do, what his mother is doing at weekends is of no consequence. Do what he needs you to do and wise up to the fact there MAY be a problem.

If there isn't, then you have lost nothing.

I think you have for one reason or another become too involved and your proffessional judgement is being blurred by a personal interest. You should be way more relaxed in your approach to his eating and behaviour, it sounds almost like you are taking it personaly that he lashes out and does not eat, Im not saying that to be inflamitory its just that i feel this maybe an issue for you and why you are stressed with this situation. You should be sound in the knowledge that he is going home to his mother and therefore he will not starve just because he does not eat well in your care, If however that is not the case and you feel there is neglect you should be contacting childrens services pronto, forget what your early years advicer says, this is not your responsibility to fill the bap of parenting this childs home life may need investigating to ensure he recieves the correct help and support long term. other wise you are enabling his home life to affect his development as it clearly sounds like this parenting is not good enough, if so heavily reliant upon you.

I have spoken to his mum and his nan when she was here a few weeks back about my concerns with his home life. since then he has calmed slightly. it is my belief that he witnesses alot of shouting.

I did forget to put in my post that his throat was checked by a Dr to rule out throat issues.

Today has been just as awful. he will start eating then is spitting it out. Im not sure if its become a habit as he did the same with a fruit pot which he loves

there are two solutions, 1) you stop reacting to his spitting out and 2) you follow your safeguarding prosses and talk with childrens services about your concerns.

If you have other more serious concerns than this then deal with them. I think you are letting those concerns colour your judgement on this. If you are going to put every issue down to the mum's bad parenting i can't see how you can work with her and be a good childminder for her. I can totally understand why you haven't posted sensitive info here. However if you are going to seek advice on this issue you can expect people to respond based on the info given in your OP. I can see you have this child' best interests at heart, but you seem to be crossing the line from professional into personal judgements. I also know from personal experience that getting stressed and responding to a child refusing to eat in an emotional way is a sure fire way to exacerbate the situation.