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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

How much compromise for babysitter who brings her children along?

33 replies

Whirliwig72 · 20/05/2012 17:08

Advice please I use a babysitter for 3 hours a week once a week to look after ds1 - 3 yrs and ds2 - 8 months. I'm usually home during this time using it to get tricky jobs or admin done.

Babysitter is paid £10 per hr which I think is generous and she has up to now been fantastic. Some weeks when her oh is working she brings along her 1 yr old too but has always been able to cope ok ESP as my ds2 usually naps for half of the time she's here.

Today however was a bit of a disaster. Her child was teething and a bit grouchy so understandably she comforted her and gave her a lot of attention. All well and good but my ds1 had 3 toilet accidents which she missed and I ended up sorting. Ds1 also kept coming upstairs interrupting the job I was trying to do. Finally her dc started crying and needed mums full attention so I stopped what I was doing and ended up doing a jigsaw with ds1 while she sorted things out. I'm now feeling a bit gutted tbh - I really look forward to my 3 hrs a week but feel I got next to nothing done today. I'm also feeling guilty as she obviously found today a but of a struggle. Should I a) pay less on the weeks she brings her daughters? b) pay £10 phr but expect her to get on with it - not stopping what I'm doing to help or c) pay £10 phr and step in as necessary. I'm torn between feeling guilty and feeling pissed off.

At the end of the session I thanked her and paid her as usual

OP posts:

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Original poster

Whirliwig72 · 20/05/2012 17:13

That should be daughter btw she only has one child!

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 20/05/2012 17:31

turnigitonitshead · 20/05/2012 17:39

seems like this was a one off and whilst understandably frustrating I would have raised this early on with her and sent her home and arranged another day, I would also have slipped in that when her dd is unwell again in the future she should let you know and another day should be arranged. I think the problem arose as expectations have not been clearly defined.

JustFab · 20/05/2012 17:44

These are things you needed to talk about before you took her on but as you haven't you need to do it asap and make you mind up what you will and won't tolerate. If you chose to pay £10 an hour you need to pay it with good grace imo.

As for not stepping in, you are paying her to do her job but not at the expense of your child, ie don't leave them in wet pants/crying/unattended etc just to get your moneys worth. (I'm sure you aren't, just saying).

monkeymoma · 20/05/2012 17:47

D) I would tell her that you understand that these things happen, but in future it would be better for everyone if she cancels if her LO is under the weather, and you'll see her the next week, or arange an extra day the next week if you need it

(BTW you pay LOADS!)

wishiwasonholiday · 20/05/2012 19:12

Could she not take them to a park or a group somewhere in the time even if it cost you a few £ extra would it be worth the peace and quiet?

ToryLovell · 20/05/2012 19:16

What monkeymoma said

BackforGood · 20/05/2012 19:35

D here too.
If I were paying someone £30 for 3 hours work (very generous IMO) to do a job, I would expect them to be doing that job and giving it their full attention. I wouldn't expect them to have their 1 yr old there at all. I would say they needed to make other arangements for their child or not come.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 20/05/2012 19:40

I would expect them to get on with it - £30 for 3 hours work is fine, but if she brings her child then she isnt giving yours her full attention and that would make me a bit cross.

I think you need to have a chat about what you expect and see if she can do the job, or if you need to find someone else/sort out another day.

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 20/05/2012 20:52

I agree if to you the 3hrs worked can be at anytime really although you obv have an agreed time really she should have rang and said x is not really that well is it possible to rearrange.

Original poster

Whirliwig72 · 20/05/2012 22:15

Thank you all so much- brilliant advice here. To be honest a lot of today's problems were my fault for not being a bit tougher from the outset. I was a bit when she suggested bringing her daughter along occasionally but she made me feel that it would not be an issue so I went with it. I sort of wonder if things might be better if I went out. If I'm in I get guilty and find it hard to switch off from the kids. I ebf so going out and having to pump is not ideal but maybe I could take the little one with me and go to a cafe or library with my iPad?

She's back tomorrow as she couldn't wirk last week so is making up her hours. I have to nip out to the dr's (ideally without the kids) so wish me luck ! My second much smaller issue with her is that she loves to chat and I sometimes find it hard to finish our conversation and crack on with my work without appearing rude... But that's a whole other thread

OP posts:

BackforGood · 21/05/2012 00:39

Honestly, I think I'd be looking for another cheaper and more committed 'Mothers Help'.

Put a card up in your local college where there is a childcare course or teacher training course - you'll find a lot of takers for less than you are paying now, who come expecting to give full attention to your dcs and don't expect to be able to bring their own child with them.
Or on your local school noticeboard where you will find parents whose children are all at school and would be delighted to pick up a few hours work here and there.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 21/05/2012 00:46

BackForGood - nothing like throwing the baby out with the bathwater!

Whirl - just read your own OP, especially paragraph 1. Until now she's been fantastic and it's been OK when she's brought her DD. One day of it going a bit tits up isn't the end of the world is it? It is really hard to deal with children when their parents are hovering around - it would probably be better if you or they went out tbh, but if it's worked well until today, then nothing really needs to change does it, bar maybe saying to her that if her DD is unwell/particularly clingy or whatever, it would be better to reschedule or for her to find someone who can have her while she's at your house.

BackforGood · 21/05/2012 01:01

Really Chipping ? Nothing to do with the baby being upset this time, I actually genuinely believe that you can't "take your dc to work" when you are being paid to do a job for someone. It just seem obvious to me, and I would have said something the first time it was suggested.... if an emergency / one off, then fair enough, but it's hardly likely to mean she's focussing on what she's been paid for, is it ?

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 21/05/2012 02:02

'I actually genuinely believe that you can't "take your dc to work" when you are being paid to do a job for someone'

You can if you ask your boss and she says ok.

babysitter: is it ok if I bring my baby sometimes?
OP: yes, ok

OP: Your sacked!

Really BackforGood, that's what you think is a fair and reasonable solution? Not asking her not to bring the baby anymore? Or overlooking one bad day? Or asking her not to bring the baby when she's sick? Just get rid of her?

1950sHousewife · 21/05/2012 03:04

I'd say something to her. You are paying her for a job and if that job isn't being done well (and for £30 for 3 hours I'd expect the job to be good) then you need to talk about it with her.

I'd have a nightmare confronting this, personally. I'm a pushover and easily give in to not ideal situations.
But, I wouldn't also be happy with feeling 'on call' on an expensive 3 hours off. I think you need to work out what kind of childcare you want and whether this is the best way of getting it.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 21/05/2012 10:49

BackForGood - yes you can, especially when you are a nanny/babysitter. Also in any other situation where your boss has said it's OK. I used to employ around 30 staff, having someone's DC in at work was nothing unusual - we were a family friendly company.

HypercriticalOaf · 21/05/2012 11:06

If re-arranging next time it occurs (or you have something pressing to get done) ask her to take them all for a walk. Essentially, you're paying (rather a lot) for a peace and quiet which you aren't getting on occasions like this.

HypercriticalOaf · 21/05/2012 11:06

*If re-arranging isn't feasible

JustFab · 21/05/2012 12:13

You shoudn't have to go out just to make her do her job 100%. If you have to take the baby you are not getting what you are paying for. I think you need to remember you are paying for a service and you need to make sure you are getting it. Also, if you do go out can you guarantee you child won't be just left if hers needs attention?

BackforGood · 21/05/2012 16:15

I'm saying I think if you are being employed to look after a 3 yr old and an 8 month old, and you then bring a 1 yr old into the mix, then the person employing you is only getting (at best) 2/3 of the "work" (as in engaging the children), as the adult is dividing their time/attention between 3, not 2. Absolutely fine if the OP was asked that in the first place and said "No problem", but generally in childcare, if you are sharing with another family then you are sharing the cost. I wouldn't pay the very high rates the OP is paying at all for her to then only be able to give 2/3 of the attention to my children.
Chipping - I'm sure there are some jobs where people can bring along older children and they can entertain themselves for a while, but that's not my experience of 1 yr olds. They need looking after.

OP - have you thought about a CM - Depending where in the country you are, you are talking £3.50 - £4.50 an hour per child, so you'd be saving yourself about £6 and the children wouldn't be in your earshot so you would be able to focus on whatever it is you need the time for. Yes, there might well be a third child there at the time, but you aren't paying for them.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 21/05/2012 23:28

Fab - it isn't about going out to 'make' her do her job, it's about going out to 'enable' her to do her job. It can be really difficult looking after kids when their parents are home and are 'helping' when actually, you don't need help, you just don't need someone hovering around and just need to be left to get on with it.

BFG - I'm not talking solely about older children. If an employer is willing to make it work, it can work. The trouble is a lot of people aren't willing to bother.

JustFab · 22/05/2012 08:00

Well, clearly she isn'r able to do her job with her child there as the mum had to step in. If you can't do the job with the mother there then don't take a job when she is working from home.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/05/2012 19:46

depending on area and experience of nanny but £10 isnt amazing /paying loads/ generous as some on here seem to think so-dont get me wrong its a good amount to earn ph but not ott for a short amount of time iyswim :)

give your girl a break, you said she has always been amazing and always been able to cope and she has a bad day and yes she shouldnt have allowed 3 accidents to have happened to your dc and then you to sort it out as she was busy sorting her own child out - but thats the downfall of having someone with their own child

regards to ds1 keep coming to come and find you, unless you make it very clear to your children and nanny that you dont want to be disturbed, it is hard for a nanny to keep saying 'no, leave mummy , shes busy' esp if you dont then back it up - rather then say talk/play to your child

yes it is partly your fault for not making guidelines clearer and maybe you need to have a chat and decide what you want out of this

say that you want her to come when she has 3 hrs without her own child - or that if she brings her own child to pay less (quite fair) or that you are happy for her to bring her own child every now and again but not if she is ill

if she is getting chatty, then simply say right must get on with this paperwork/bills/bath wont clean its self etc and go out of the room- again you need to define what you want her to/be and maybe going out for a walk/to the park etc, esp as nice weather is starting, will be better

but to think about getting rid of her for having a bad day is

BackforGood · 22/05/2012 22:09

Blondes I didn't read it as pay for a Nanny - more a Mother's help / babysitter. Only 3 hours a week, and OP is there in the house most of the time. Very different job from what my understanding of being a Nanny is.

(Indeed, my very sensible 13 yr old did this for someone we knew a few times when she was 12... Mum needed to get on with something, would be in the house but needed to concentrate, so my dd went round and played with them, and managed things like getting them a drink and ensuring the older one went to the toilet - that's what I was reading the Op as needing.)

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