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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny groundrules?

62 replies

history · 14/04/2012 09:22

Our new (first) nanny has just started this last week with us and I am trying to find the right balance between giving her some freedom but also knowing what/who my children are doing/meeting. She started last week and asked to take the children bowling - we said fine but then in the diary book which we sue to communicate with each other if as I start earely/finsih late on certain days (we didn't see each other last week as my OH did the handovers) it was obvious after the event that she had arranged to go bowling with other children that I/my children don't know. I suspect they may be her own family members. Is it unreasonable for me to ask that my kids only meet up with other children that they/we know or that I have been asked about?
Also she impressed upon us the need for planning at interview and there are no activities planned in the diary (or at least written for next week) - I now have to call her sunday evening (she's away this weekend) to ask what she's intending on doing with my boys next week as it's the last week of their school hols. I recognise that I am getting used to leaving my children (HENCE A LITTLE EMOTINAL/TIRED THIS WEEK) and going back to work and don't want to upset an experienced and good nanny but I do want to know what my children are up to! Any thought from other parents/nannies very welcome!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

chocolatecrispies · 17/04/2012 11:10

I have a nanny and one of the things I like best about it is that she can be much more child led than a nursery or childminder - she may come with an idea but often my ds will have a different plan and they go with that. I would find it bizarre to ask for plans ahead because that would mean she was having to try and anticipate things like the weather and ruling out spontaneous meetings etc. Also I love the fact she sometimes does things I would never have thought of. She has taken ds to her house a couple of times and he loved it, it really seemed to enhance their connection that he knows where she lives and who with. I trust her to focus on him and also to manage risk in the same way I would. I would never make my plans a week ahead when looking after my dc so why would I expect her to? I also never ring her on a day off altho I might sometimes email if we need to discuss something. When we had a childminder we did get plans every week though, including meal plans- tbh it made me a bit sad as I felt ds was losing all autonomy.

culturemulcher · 17/04/2012 12:35

chocolatecrispies I agree with everything you've said, and that was certainly how it worked with our nanny - right down to the DC visiting her house.

But, all that being said, I still think for the first couple of weeks, at least, you're building up the relationship and it is nice to know at the start of each day what your nanny has in mind for the day ahead. Of course things change, the weather changes, the DC come up with another idea, etc, etc., so nothing's ever set in stone.

HolyLentenPromiseBatman · 17/04/2012 13:18

novice do any of your children go to school? If so, do the school text you during the day to tell you how they're getting on? Do they send a picture when they're out at playtime? Probably not! It doesn't mean all of the parents only have 'a passing interest' in their children. It doesn't mean the school don't recognise that the parents are the parents.

If you want the text/photos etc then that's of course up to you and fantastic that you've found a nanny who works that way, but it doesn't mean that parents who don't want this level of involvement are uninterested/not bothered and it doesn't mean nannies who don't do this are discourteous.

HSMM · 17/04/2012 13:25

Childminder here.

Plans are so hard. For example, yesterday I planned indoor activities, but the weather was so lovely we went out to the park for a picnic.

You could ask nanny to text you to let you know what she's doing? And download photos of the day onto your laptop each day/week?

I don't think you should phone on Sunday evening.

BrandyAlexander · 17/04/2012 20:11

HolyLenten, nope my kids aren't at school. I have a baby and a toddler. When they are at school I will have no idea what they're up to and that's fine. They won't be babies. I also didn't say that parents who don't text/call home or get piccies are any lesser parents as that would be absurd. Talk about stretching . Eg my husband doesn't get texts or piccies from the nanny but it doesn't mean that he loves the dcs any less than I do and he has more than a passing interest in them.

There are some nannies on here who sound absolutely ace eg Nick and Blondes and am fairly sure they don't do what my nanny does. My point was that a parent wanting to know what is happening while they are at work shouldn't be met with

BrandyAlexander · 17/04/2012 20:14

Aaah phone!

....Shouldn't met be met with horror. I prob get piccies once every 6 weeks and if I don't get a text the world doesn't end. I do appreciate my nanny that she likes to keep me involved even though I am not around.

bbcessex · 17/04/2012 21:48

I love pictures of what's going on... One thing I am aware of tho is that some nannies don't have a phone tariff that allows them to send cost-free, so I suppose that needs to be borne in mind.

I do think the OP has had a bit of a hard time though - she's asked for advice on how to strike a balance. It is hard to leave your children with a new person when you're used to knowing where they are, what they're doing all the time.

OP - it does get easier, and you are quite within your rights to request your nanny does things your way - you will find you get more comfortable as time goes on - and if you don't, she may not be the nanny for you x

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 17/04/2012 22:11

Cinnabar - you'd be the perfect parent to work for :)

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/04/2012 22:56

aww shucks novice :)

stella1w · 19/04/2012 00:25

I wouldn't call a nanny over the weekend but I do think it's reasonable for a parent to have a say in what the nanny plans.
I have been home with my kids for nearly a year now and they have made local friends and I have tried out activities I know they like, so I would want them to continue that routine. If the nanny had other suggestions, I'd like to hear them, but at the end of the day, I would want to know where my kids were. Part of the reason for hiring a nanny over a CM is because although I can't be with them as much as I'd like, I'd still like them to do stuff I did with them. If they have MORE fun with what the nanny plans fine, but otherwise, why should she have more say?

HolyLentenPromiseBatman · 19/04/2012 01:22

I don't think anyone is saying that the nanny should have 'more say' and the issue isn't what they do, but who with.

The OP said the nanny asked if she could take them bowling, so she knew where they were and what they were doing. Her concern is that there were some other people bowling with them who hadn't been approved in advance.

stella1w · 19/04/2012 22:41

ah.. well you can't approve people in advance..

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