My 20 month-old calls his childminder 'mummy'

[Dairylea]

Hi - Go gently on me, fellow mums netters! I've read a lot of (helpful) threads over the last couple of years but this is the first bit of help I've really needed. My 20 month old ds has a fantastic childminder. I work from home so he is only with her from 9.30-12.30 in the mornings, with one day a week until 5.30pm. He's a very affectionate and loving boy, happy and confident and we have a great time together. He's had the childminder for 3 months and I think she's great - very active, very kind, has a dd of her own and never has more than 4 kids at any one time, and often only two. But the children she minds call her 'mummy'. The first time she told me about it I thought it was because one of the girls she looked after, she'd had since she was 4 months old for over a year. And as her own daughter is often around, the other children hear her being called mummy. So I thought I had better just get over it. But just now, I collected my boy and we all walked down the road together. She was telling me that she'd been playing a game with him - what's your name? (And he says his name.) What's the baby's name? (And my ds says the baby's name.) Then she said: "I asked him, 'What's my name? And he said mummy.' And she smiled proudly. I was a bit gobsmacked. Then, to really drive the point home, she did it all again with him, in front of me.

She really is great, and I don't want to rock my son's world by finding someone else. Nor do I want to engage in some sort of competitive game with my son's affections. I'm completely comfortable that he loves me and knows I love him. But I am deeply unsettled by what happened this morning. Do I just need to get over myself? Or should I say something? Help, please!

Thank you.

Errrrr definately say something thats creepy for her to encourage that i would have thought she would be discouraging it instead

Sorry I didnt want to read and run and I hope you get some great advise on how to broach this

I'd have a problem with that, and would insist that he call her by her name, or something else mutually agreed- Auntie x maybe? I think it may be awkward though as you should really have raised this previously. Did you not realise that all her mindees call her 'Mummy'? If so, just talk to her honestly. If she's as good as you say she won't mind.

How odd, and no - you don't need to get over yourself. This is strange and she shouldn't be getting the children to call her mummy. I wouldn't have had that at all, I have to say. yes, some children do it by accident - but you correct them gently. I have had school children call me mummy, but I just laugh and say my name to correct them there and then.

i really wouldn't like it if it was my DD and the childcarer was encouraging this.

I am a CM and children often go through a phase of calling me mummy, but I correct them and say my name in a fun way. I definitely don't encourage it. My DD called me by my first name for years!

Some of my mindees will occasionally call me mummy by mistake, (usually when they're tired or irritable) but I ALWAYS correct them by saying, "I'm not mummy, I'm Malovitt"
Her behaviour is simply not on, I'm afraid. I would speak to her and tell her that you would prefer your child to use her name.

I'm not surprised you're unsettled, I think that is very strange! It sounds tricky if you like everything else about her, but I think you have to talk to her about it. I think she should know you're not comfortable with him calling her mummy, and would appreciate her help in encouraging him to call her by her first name, maybe Auntie -- or even at a push mummy --, to distinguish you from her. As a mother herself she should be able to see that mummy is a special term not just a name.

Hope it turns out ok.

How odd, this would definitely bother me, not that my child did it but that she was encouraging it. Mummy is not just a name.

Some kids go through a phase of calling all female caregivers 'mummy'.

Almost all kids, will at some point, call a teacher/nanny/childminder 'mummy' by mistake.

That's all normal, but for the childminder to be encouraging him to call her that is a bit weird imo.

I would say to her 'mummy is the word DS uses for me, so I'd rather we encourage him to call you something different so he isn't confused and we know what/who he's talking about'.

This is creepy.

Hi all - thank you so much for this. It helps to know that I am not being oversensitive. I wanted to say something about it when I first heard that her mindees called her mummy but my dh discouraged me. I thought maybe he'd grow out of it or that when the little girl left (she did a month ago) that it would stop then. I really don't think she's creepy - I think she's loving just maybe a bit too much so! I think I'll suggest that we think of a special name for her. Thank you again. Phew!

Could it be that her name sounds like mummy if said by a little person - I've got a 20 month old mindee who calls me mama, simply cos it's close to my name and easy for him to say. However, if I thought he was calling me mummy I would def correct him - it would be weird and wrong to encourage it!

Hmm..bit odd for her to encourage it, I think.

My childminder's elderly father used to help her and the kids did call him Grandpa Charlie (or in DS's case "Papa Char-wee") but mummy is different I think.

This childminder sounds very odd. You can only have one mum. its like she thinks its great the child is calling her mum.

I too assumed you meant that the dcs accidently called her Mummy when distracted or tired, and was going to say - perfectly normal. But her telling them to is definitely odd. I would say to her that I'm not happy with him being confused like this and what would she prefer to be called.... Jane ? Aunty Jane ? Mrs Smith ? and see which she prefers. Make it clear though that the children have their own Mums so obviously that's not an option.

I too have come across children this age calling any adult looking after them 'Mummy' as they seem to think it is the noun for a caregiver. My friends toddler, who has a new baby brother, talked of as 'BabyTom' has started calling her grown up siblings 'babyJoe', BabyAndrew' etc.

But a cm, or anyone, encouraging a child to call them Mummy when they are not is odd.

I would ask her why she does it, and you are concerned about it causing confusion.

I think it's normal for a child to call their CM (or nursery worker or even teacher!) Mummy. MY DS called his CM Mummy when he was about 2 as he didn't have a lot of clear words and Mummy got a response. He was always very clear that she was a mummy but I was his Mummy IYSWIM. What I think is odd is her encouraging it in this way. My CM used to correct him in a nice way like this:

DS " Mummy, dink peas."
CM " Yes littlegrumpy Susan will get you a drink."

Maybe you could encourage her to do that sort of thing?

Good luck you are not unreasonable to be upset by this or to speak to her about it.

yes, I would ask her to explain

very odd for her to encourage being called Mummy by the children she minds, and yes, confusing for the children

My own children called me by my first name quite often, as they were used to hearing me called it by the tinies

I think at best it's insensitive of her not to anticipate that you might find this hurtful. I have to say that all the little ones I have cared for have called me Mum or Mummy or Mama at some stage in their development, and in some cases this has been a difficult habit to break, but I have gently corrected them whether or not a parent was present (and been thankful that they have seldom done it when real Mum has been around). My own children often call me by my Christian name too. I agree you should raise it with her and hopefully she will wake up to her tactlessness and behave more appropriately.

She sounds like a bit of an idiot to be honest. I am always extremely aware of parental sensitivities like this, of course littlies do call me mum sometimes but I always correct them. A good childminder has to manage parents feelings and be very tactful.

Have a word and no are right to feel cross about this.

Yep I too have been called all sorts from My christian name which begins with an M and ends with a Y, easy I suppose to get mixed up with Mummy, Mum, Teachers name, TAs name, ex Nannys name, ex Childminders name doesnt bother me just gently correct them, but mostly (my mindees are that bit older) they tend to correct themselves anyway.
My 2 use my christian name when the minded kids are here.

I do find it rather odd that she doesnt correct them, I second what everyone else says and have a quiet word about it.

The little girl I mind keeps calling me 'mummy' because I have DS1 at home too. I make a point of referring to myself in the third person when talking to her and as 'mum' to DS1 because kids need to differentiate between the role of the minder and role of their mother.

Talk to your minder and also have a chat to find out how the other parents feel. This is your DD so you get final say if you are not comfortable with something.

I am surprised your minder is encouraging it.